Today someone bought our department a box of donuts and some lotto tickets. The potential grand prize was $3,000, in which my boss exclaimed "Well that isn't enough to retire".

I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.

The physical pain on his face was priceless.

πŸ‘︎ 161
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Megaman_90
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I found a knife at the bottom of my ornament box (no idea why) so I picked it up and announced β€œβ€˜twas the knife before Christmas!”
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mother_of_baggins
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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When I was digging through the wardrobe on the weekend, I managed to find a present for the kids that I wrapped in a box last year and forgot to give them. Bargain

Can't wait to see their faces when they realize they have a puppy.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/runew0lf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the ship’s cat use instead of a litter box?

The poop deck.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the spies who planted tiny microphones inside a box of tic-tacs?

They were in four mints.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a box of condoms from the store the other day and the cashier asked me if I wanted a bag

I said β€œnah, I’ll just turn the lights off.”

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Theunkillable
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you guys want to know what I put in the wooden box I made and threw in the ocean?

Never mind it’s a sea-crate....

(I made this up please don’t murder me)

πŸ‘︎ 150
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DubsAli
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My boyfriend’s cat, Jack, recently discovered the Amazon box lying on the floor. He jumped in and started playing in it. I guess you can say....

He’s Jack in the box.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsmeeeskai
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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There was a locked metal box at an auction. The auctioneer said it was from the 1920’s and owned by really wealthy man. There could’ve been some really valuable stuff in it or it could just be empty. I didn’t want to bid anymore than $100 on it.

I thought it was a safe bet.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/schutwo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can't beggers be allowed in court for selection to the Jury box like any other non felon citizen?

Cuz, beggers can't be choosers!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/imgprojts
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
The orthopedic surgeon finally found his model of the human wrist behind an old box of golf tees

I guess you could say he couldn’t see the faux wrist for the tees.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DAMWrite1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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The waiter approached me as I finished eating and asked, β€œyou wanna box for those leftovers?”

I replied, β€œNo, I hate violence. May I just pay for it with my card?”

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/absolriven
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Last week I was on the edge of a cliff, holding on to a box full of shredded cheese. I loved that box, but I knew I had to let it go. I didn’t want to...

But it was for the grater good

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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A chicken was put into the penalty box during a hockey game.

Apparently he was suspected of fowl play.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
They were in the same damn box!

We will never know!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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Why did they bury the sick box underground?

Because it was a coffin

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I got my wife a copy of the Pixar movie Up when it came out a long time ago, but she dropped it while opening it. She dropped it so many times over the years that the box is very damaged and the disc is no longer playable. Her other movies are perfectly fine, but not this one.

She did not hold Up well.

πŸ‘︎ 306
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mortalfloater
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I made a small house with a cardboard box for the group of 10 ants running around in my room. Technically, I am now their landlord and they are my...

Tenants.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sadchowmrade
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a great deal online for a 'Replica Rolex' for only $50. I just opened the box and found it is completely made of wood...

To make matters worse, it is covered with a dark circular imperfection in the wood grain. I won't accept this - knot on my watch.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone brought a box full of flue dirt to the formal dress gala for the chimney sweepers...

It was quite suity in there!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
This is (practically) the corniest gift imaginable. At the bottom of the soon to be gift wrapped box of corniness was a pair of Korn tickets for my lady...who enjoys my corny puns.
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-JasonTe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
At the restaurant, my family was nearly finished eating and I still had half a plate of food left. The waitress asked, "Do you wanna box for that?"

I replied, "No thanks, I'd rather wrestle for it!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
The waiter asked me if I wanted a box for the leftovers...

So I said, "No, but I'll wrestle you for them."

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chocolate-queen
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
People think just because I grew up in the ghetto back in the 80s, I should walk around carrying a big old boom box on my shoulder.

But I refuse to go with that stereotype.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a post box and a rhinoceros?

Don’t know? Ok I’d better post the letter myself...

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hideandsheep
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My son asked why I keep a box of matches in the fridge

I told him it's for when I want to have a light snack

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhotonSharpedo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
🚨︎ report
When getting ready to leave the restaurant, our hot waitress noticed by leftovers and asked: β€œdo you wanna box for that?”

I said: β€œI’d rather wrestle for it”.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hoosierdaddiesx
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Checking out with the cashier at Costco when he asked "do you wanna box for your food?"

I said you dont want these hands son.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fartingpinetree
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
🚨︎ report
The waitress came over and saw my leftovers and asked, "do ya wanna box for that?"

I responded with, "no, but we can arm wrestle any day."

πŸ‘︎ 974
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajjanialthor
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad, did you open the cereal box?

No, it’s bran new!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Me: I'm going to grow out the hair on my upper lip, then shave it, put it in a box, and hide that box.

Wife: Why...?

Me: It's going to be my secret stash

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Jack in the box
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zmanofdoom95
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Waitress: Do you want a box for the rest of your food?

Dad: No. But I'll wrestle you for it!

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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The doctor told me my voice box is damaged and i might never speak again.

I can't tell you how upset i am

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HungryPizzax
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Friend of mine at work won a fishing pole and tackle box at the Christmas party.

He drives a mustang and was trying to figure out how to get it in his car.

Friend: β€œHow do I get this thing in my car? It’s almost as tall as I am!”

Me: β€œGuess you’re just gonna have to angle it.”

Friend and everyone in a 30 foot radius: -groan and facepalm-

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Returningdarkness
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I was planning to buy my kids a jack-in-the-box for Christmas

But after looking for hours, I decided to pass. Nothing really jumped out at me.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flappypappus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Will Glass shatter the box office or will it just break even.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_freeze___
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I thought I broke my ankle when I tripped on the tissue box

Turns out it was only tissue damage

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eternalrefuge86
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
OC: What is it called when a mama cat delivers her babies in the cat box?

A litter litter, literally.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatcatmikachu
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
If you can see the box scores before the game even starts...

You must have ESP-N!

( ΰ²  ΝœΚ–ΰ² )

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Soylent_X
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
🚨︎ report
The cop who had theorized the murder weapon was a box of school books found that he was correct!

It was a textbook case.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
🚨︎ report
The Waitress saw me and my gf were wrapping up our meals. "Y'all wanna box for your leftovers?"

"I'm not much of a boxer, but I'll wrestle you for them."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2015
🚨︎ report
Waiter: Do you wanna box for the leftover?

Me: No, but I'll wrestle you for them.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArshmanR
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report

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