Today someone bought our department a box of donuts and some lotto tickets. The potential grand prize was $3,000, in which my boss exclaimed "Well that isn't enough to retire".
I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.
The physical pain on his face was priceless.
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︎ Dec 22 2020
I found a knife at the bottom of my ornament box (no idea why) so I picked it up and announced ββtwas the knife before Christmas!β
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︎ Dec 13 2020
When I was digging through the wardrobe on the weekend, I managed to find a present for the kids that I wrapped in a box last year and forgot to give them. Bargain
Can't wait to see their faces when they realize they have a puppy.
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︎ Dec 24 2020
What did the shipβs cat use instead of a litter box?
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︎ Nov 22 2020
Did you hear about the spies who planted tiny microphones inside a box of tic-tacs?
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︎ Nov 20 2020
I bought a box of condoms from the store the other day and the cashier asked me if I wanted a bag
I said βnah, Iβll just turn the lights off.β
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︎ Sep 13 2020
Do you guys want to know what I put in the wooden box I made and threw in the ocean?
Never mind itβs a sea-crate....
(I made this up please donβt murder me)
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︎ Jul 19 2020
My boyfriendβs cat, Jack, recently discovered the Amazon box lying on the floor. He jumped in and started playing in it. I guess you can say....
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︎ Oct 01 2020
There was a locked metal box at an auction. The auctioneer said it was from the 1920βs and owned by really wealthy man. There couldβve been some really valuable stuff in it or it could just be empty. I didnβt want to bid anymore than $100 on it.
I thought it was a safe bet.
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︎ Sep 07 2020
Why can't beggers be allowed in court for selection to the Jury box like any other non felon citizen?
Cuz, beggers can't be choosers!
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︎ Sep 21 2020
The orthopedic surgeon finally found his model of the human wrist behind an old box of golf tees
I guess you could say he couldnβt see the faux wrist for the tees.
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︎ Sep 03 2020
The waiter approached me as I finished eating and asked, βyou wanna box for those leftovers?β
I replied, βNo, I hate violence. May I just pay for it with my card?β
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︎ Jun 20 2020
Last week I was on the edge of a cliff, holding on to a box full of shredded cheese. I loved that box, but I knew I had to let it go. I didnβt want to...
But it was for the grater good
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︎ Aug 16 2020
A chicken was put into the penalty box during a hockey game.
Apparently he was suspected of fowl play.
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︎ Aug 16 2020
They were in the same damn box!
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︎ Aug 11 2020
Why did they bury the sick box underground?
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︎ Jul 28 2020
I got my wife a copy of the Pixar movie Up when it came out a long time ago, but she dropped it while opening it. She dropped it so many times over the years that the box is very damaged and the disc is no longer playable. Her other movies are perfectly fine, but not this one.
She did not hold Up well.
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︎ Jan 14 2020
I made a small house with a cardboard box for the group of 10 ants running around in my room. Technically, I am now their landlord and they are my...
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︎ Jun 25 2020
I saw a great deal online for a 'Replica Rolex' for only $50. I just opened the box and found it is completely made of wood...
To make matters worse, it is covered with a dark circular imperfection in the wood grain. I won't accept this - knot on my watch.
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︎ Jun 12 2020
Someone brought a box full of flue dirt to the formal dress gala for the chimney sweepers...
It was quite suity in there!
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︎ Jul 21 2020
This is (practically) the corniest gift imaginable. At the bottom of the soon to be gift wrapped box of corniness was a pair of Korn tickets for my lady...who enjoys my corny puns.
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︎ Jan 25 2020
At the restaurant, my family was nearly finished eating and I still had half a plate of food left. The waitress asked, "Do you wanna box for that?"
I replied, "No thanks, I'd rather wrestle for it!"
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︎ Jul 06 2020
The waiter asked me if I wanted a box for the leftovers...
So I said, "No, but I'll wrestle you for them."
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︎ May 26 2020
People think just because I grew up in the ghetto back in the 80s, I should walk around carrying a big old boom box on my shoulder.
But I refuse to go with that stereotype.
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︎ May 21 2020
Whatβs the difference between a post box and a rhinoceros?
Donβt know? Ok Iβd better post the letter myself...
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︎ Jun 10 2020
My son asked why I keep a box of matches in the fridge
I told him it's for when I want to have a light snack
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︎ Feb 24 2020
When getting ready to leave the restaurant, our hot waitress noticed by leftovers and asked: βdo you wanna box for that?β
I said: βIβd rather wrestle for itβ.
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︎ May 20 2020
Checking out with the cashier at Costco when he asked "do you wanna box for your food?"
I said you dont want these hands son.
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︎ Mar 07 2020
The waitress came over and saw my leftovers and asked, "do ya wanna box for that?"
I responded with, "no, but we can arm wrestle any day."
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︎ Jun 16 2019
Dad, did you open the cereal box?
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︎ Mar 20 2020
Me: I'm going to grow out the hair on my upper lip, then shave it, put it in a box, and hide that box.
Wife: Why...?
Me: It's going to be my secret stash
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︎ Feb 16 2020
Jack in the box
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︎ Jul 22 2019
Waitress: Do you want a box for the rest of your food?
Dad: No. But I'll wrestle you for it!
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︎ Jun 21 2019
The doctor told me my voice box is damaged and i might never speak again.
I can't tell you how upset i am
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︎ Aug 14 2019
Friend of mine at work won a fishing pole and tackle box at the Christmas party.
He drives a mustang and was trying to figure out how to get it in his car.
Friend: βHow do I get this thing in my car? Itβs almost as tall as I am!β
Me: βGuess youβre just gonna have to angle it.β
Friend and everyone in a 30 foot radius: -groan and facepalm-
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︎ Dec 23 2019
I was planning to buy my kids a jack-in-the-box for Christmas
But after looking for hours, I decided to pass. Nothing really jumped out at me.
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︎ Dec 25 2019
Will Glass shatter the box office or will it just break even.
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︎ Jan 10 2019
I thought I broke my ankle when I tripped on the tissue box
Turns out it was only tissue damage
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︎ Nov 05 2019
OC: What is it called when a mama cat delivers her babies in the cat box?
A litter litter, literally.
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︎ Dec 06 2019
If you can see the box scores before the game even starts...
You must have ESP-N!
( ΰ² ΝΚΰ² )
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︎ Oct 09 2019
The cop who had theorized the murder weapon was a box of school books found that he was correct!
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︎ Sep 14 2019
The Waitress saw me and my gf were wrapping up our meals. "Y'all wanna box for your leftovers?"
"I'm not much of a boxer, but I'll wrestle you for them."
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︎ Jun 22 2015
Waiter: Do you wanna box for the leftover?
Me: No, but I'll wrestle you for them.
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︎ Dec 17 2019
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