Today someone bought our department a box of donuts and some lotto tickets. The potential grand prize was $3,000, in which my boss exclaimed "Well that isn't enough to retire".
I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.
The physical pain on his face was priceless.
When I was digging through the wardrobe on the weekend, I managed to find a present for the kids that I wrapped in a box last year and forgot to give them. Bargain
Can't wait to see their faces when they realize they have a puppy.
Do you guys want to know what I put in the wooden box I made and threw in the ocean?
Never mind it’s a sea-crate....
(I made this up please don’t murder me)
My boyfriend’s cat, Jack, recently discovered the Amazon box lying on the floor. He jumped in and started playing in it. I guess you can say....
There was a locked metal box at an auction. The auctioneer said it was from the 1920’s and owned by really wealthy man. There could’ve been some really valuable stuff in it or it could just be empty. I didn’t want to bid anymore than $100 on it.
I thought it was a safe bet.
Why can't beggers be allowed in court for selection to the Jury box like any other non felon citizen?
Cuz, beggers can't be choosers!
They were in the same damn box!
I made a small house with a cardboard box for the group of 10 ants running around in my room. Technically, I am now their landlord and they are my...
People think just because I grew up in the ghetto back in the 80s, I should walk around carrying a big old boom box on my shoulder.
But I refuse to go with that stereotype.
My son asked why I keep a box of matches in the fridge
I told him it's for when I want to have a light snack
Me: I'm going to grow out the hair on my upper lip, then shave it, put it in a box, and hide that box.
Wife: Why...?
Me: It's going to be my secret stash
I was planning to buy my kids a jack-in-the-box for Christmas
But after looking for hours, I decided to pass. Nothing really jumped out at me.
OC: What is it called when a mama cat delivers her babies in the cat box?
A litter litter, literally.
i wonder what's in the box... maybe sum colorful eminems? 🤔
After numerous icings in a hockey game, a player was sent to the penalty box.
He needed time to thaw out.
I dropped a box of donuts in the parking lots and all the crows are eying them greedily...
My uncle always told me he had a fortune in a safe deposit box. He left me the key in his will.
I went to the bank, trembling with anticipation, got access to the box, took it into the private viewing room. I opened the box and looked in, there was an envelope in side, when I opened it, a folded piece of paper fell out. I read it, and it said: "Good things are ahead for you. Your lucky numbers are 6, 10 and 13."
I don’t mean to brag, but I just put a puzzle together in one day, and the box said 2-4 years!
The magician placed my sister in a “magic box,” and then “sawed” her into two
Now I have two half-sisters.
I told /u/porichoygupto's Dad joke to my wife and kids via text, my wife's response was perfect. (Link to album in the text box.)
I'm getting some good mileage out of this joke. Thanks /u/porichoygupto !!!
First. Second.
As my friend Richard sat at my dining room table, I went to the kitchen and poured him a glass of milk and mixed in some brown powder from the yellow box in the pantry. That is how...
My friend after a long day of hanging out: "want to go to Jack in the Box then call it quits?"
Me: "what's wrong with the name it has now?"
Took him a while to get it then he was pissed.
What do you call a box of Altoids in the pocket of a sleeveless jacket?
I was waiting in line for my tickets to the LA Phil last night when the box office staff asked "is everyone in this line here for Will Call? This is the line for Will Call."
To which I replied, "No, I'm here for Beethoven. Who the heck is Will Call?" Worth it for the few 'extra air out of the nose' laughs I got from the three people around me.
What would you name a box? ...(the newest installment in my aggressively produced puns video series)
youtu.be/ieVbk7M-4ak
Went to the store yesterday and had some Life cereal among my groceries. After we paid I picked up the cereal box, looked my wife in the eyes and said, "I guess this is my Life now"
A wooden box was floating in the sea and no body knows it. Why?
Because it's a sea-crate.
The mail lady accidentally put someone else's mail in our box...
Me: Hey dad, who's Denise?
Dad: Oh I don't know a Denise but I know her brother Da-nephew.
My father-in-law drew a dad joke on the cereal box
Dad sent me this with the caption: "Get it?!" Picture in text box
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