I recently spied a bag of gummy worms which said “No Artificial Flavors”.
Which got me to wondering: who is buying gummy worms hoping they’ll tast like real worms?
Because he was very good at orienting objects.
(Okay this is a really technical dad joke, but isn't that what they're supposed to be?)
Don’t worry, I’ve been around the block a few times in my day.
My friend was very annoyed about the extra he had to pay for the "syn-tax".
They're free of charge.
Looks like, the boa cons tricked her.
But it was a pack of lyes.
He said it was an open and shut case.
He told me it was his first attempt at spam mail.
Inform her.
I thought to myself, how the f**k am I supposed to pick it up?
I replied, now you know how I feel.
It’s mail-dominated.
Because it was de-livered.
That's just nuts!
She asked what had happened to it,
I told her the box had a leek in it.
Make America Grate Again!
...they claimed the 10% was a re-stocking fee.
Fiancé: Oh, I didn't realise she was ordering packages.
Me: She must've gone to the bank to get herself a debit card.
Fiancé: Nah, she just went to the neighbours tree.
Me: Huh?
Fiancé: The local branch.
🙋♀️Thanks mailman
🙋♂️You’re welcome female woman
A Fed-Ex Ex-Fed!
They auditioned many before choosing the best model tea.
guess she had the wrong package.
Inflation
You call USPSpspspspspspsps.
I think my delivery may be off.
It will be bursting with flavor!
You could say I completely wiped out.
A 3rd ant joined, and beat them both, and started gloating about it.
The two ants said, "that wasn't a race. We were just following instructions."
The 3rd ant asked, "what instructions?"
The two ants said, "see right here, it says 'tear across dotted line.'"
FedUp.
When the package came....the box was empty.
Me: Are you sure the small package will completely cover my house for potential intruders?
Security company: Verisure!
...who was trying to hide he was bald. He damaged his hairpiece, not sure how, and was having a new one shipped to the office.
He was already kind of embarrassed and told us all, if you see a package for Peters (his last name) just put it on my desk. So I happen to be the one who sees it and as I'm bringing it to him my other coworker Paul asks what I have in my hands.
"Oh this?" I say, "this is Rob Peters' toupee, Paul."
So my wife is currently working from home and her employer decided to send her a hamper package in the mail. It was quite nice but pretty standard stuff. Wine, some cookies, crackers and also a bottle extra virgin olive oil (came with a cheese platter kit)
Wife was pretty happy about the fancy packaging and showed it to me saying "look they even sent extra virgin olive oil in this little fancy bottle for cheese platters!"
My response? "Aww that poor olive oil bottle never had sex? So sad!"
...Pls send help
Looks like the boa cons tricked her...
