It's Christmas Eve.

"Dad, my girlfriend is pregnant"

Son, I'm not mad.. Just disappointed

"Hi disappointed, I'm dad"

Son, did you just-

"Yes"

You're ready.

I lost interest in that relationship

Me: it's not

(A real conversation we had)

Gotham she’s cute

I look at her and ask: Why do they call it a Satin dress when you will be standin’!

I was almost thrown from the car - and I was driving! (Museum was cool, bit stiff though)

Because they're miners."

Babe I'm sorry I just want us to work out

cause we're in a shady spot.

What's a nurse's favorite game?

Peekaboo ICU

Now its hands free

BF- “ Our relationship is what? Over.”

Dad: yea ,I need to mow the family graveyard.

Her: uhh, ok

Dad: you know why they're buried there right?

Her: don't think so

Dad: cause they're dead.

I lost it

Edit:Format

Me: you know what else is 'lucky you'?

Her: what?

Me: the tree next to the one that got hit by lightning

I wasn't shore what to do

Me: Then be as loud as them, it will cancel each other out

Gf: what kind of logic is that?

Me: Sound logic

I said no, I'm pretty sure they're all buildings.

I said what, I thought we were having pasta XD She replies, yeah but we need to boil the hell out of the water...

I consoled her. She was crying

Turns out she was only with me for my mussels

He just thought she was a little shellfish.

They were free of charge

I had a conversation with my gf about what we would miss most, if one of us was to leave.

She said she would actually miss my dadjokes.

Gotta tell you, did not see dad coming.

That was until I drove pasta

It was so small that I couldn't even see it at first. She had to point it out, a tiny brown pinhead crawling up our slightly-darker-brown cabinet about knee-high.

"How did you even see that?" I asked.

And she answered, "With my spider-sense."

I love this woman so, so much.

It was an update

I said, "Not even. I'm still in my prime."

Today I found this one.

Edit: Wow, thanks for the positive responses. Here are some more notes from her. Thank you reddit, for making my girlfriend famous for a day, she quite enjoyed your comments after a hard day's work :)

Me: I love the sequel GF: ....... Me: I love you 2 cue groans

Me: "Tell them to give it back"

My girlfriend left me because I have Alopecia.......

Nevermind, Hair loss

She was mother flipping strong.

I guess she had no words left for that

Me: "I only use the best ingredients"

gf gives me a look

GF: "Ingredients for time?"

Me: "I never use tardy sauce"

gf leaves room

do you know what comes after lethargy

.

.

.

.

.

H

And left

Your ovary-acting.