My GF dressed up as a police woman and told me I was under arrest under the suspicion that I was good in bed c

After 3 mins all charges were dropped due to lack of evidence

👍︎ 798
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📅︎ Apr 10 2021
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Sent this to my gf cuz I felt lonely.
👍︎ 25
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📅︎ Mar 01 2021
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Gf asked for help, and I did the best I can
👍︎ 237
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📅︎ Nov 28 2020
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GF- “Why do we need walkie-talkies? Our relationship is over.”

BF- “ Our relationship is what? Over.”

👍︎ 10k
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👤︎ u/syniss
📅︎ Aug 12 2020
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My gf complained about our loud neighbours

Me: Then be as loud as them, it will cancel each other out

Gf: what kind of logic is that?

Me: Sound logic

👍︎ 1k
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📅︎ Sep 19 2020
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I gave a ps5 to my gf

I consoled her. She was crying

👍︎ 35
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👤︎ u/luispe94
📅︎ Nov 16 2020
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Why did the fish break up with his shrimp gf?

He just thought she was a little shellfish.

👍︎ 35
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📅︎ Oct 23 2020
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Things my gf would miss

I had a conversation with my gf about what we would miss most, if one of us was to leave.

She said she would actually miss my dadjokes.

Gotta tell you, did not see dad coming.

👍︎ 11
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📅︎ Nov 30 2020
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My gf made me give away my collection of dead batteries

They were free of charge

👍︎ 24
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📅︎ Nov 04 2020
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(True story) My GF asked me to kill a spider in the bathroom today.

It was so small that I couldn't even see it at first. She had to point it out, a tiny brown pinhead crawling up our slightly-darker-brown cabinet about knee-high.

"How did you even see that?" I asked.

And she answered, "With my spider-sense."

I love this woman so, so much.

👍︎ 37
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📅︎ Nov 21 2020
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Had dinner with my gf on the roof...

It was an update

👍︎ 14
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👤︎ u/d7my_d7oom
📅︎ Nov 25 2020
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My GF didn’t believe I had a car made from Spaghetti

That was until I drove pasta

👍︎ 24
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👤︎ u/MJBGaming
📅︎ Oct 21 2020
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My gf wasn’t impressed when she asked me to leave the door ajar
👍︎ 92
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📅︎ Mar 21 2020
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My GF left me once I stopped taking her to seafood restaurants

Turns out she was only with me for my mussels

👍︎ 6k
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👤︎ u/MJBGaming
📅︎ Jun 20 2019
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Asked my GF why she chose this salad over the drum and bass salad, she wants to disown me.
👍︎ 20
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👤︎ u/ribbers
📅︎ Jul 06 2020
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I had an ex-gf who was so strong she could juggle her mom

She was mother flipping strong.

👍︎ 6
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👤︎ u/not_flexy
📅︎ Sep 08 2020
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I'm 29 and my 30th birthday is tomorrow. My gf asked if I feel old yet.

I said, "Not even. I'm still in my prime."

👍︎ 176
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👤︎ u/clit_or_us
📅︎ Mar 14 2020
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Gf asked for help, and I did the best I can
👍︎ 17k
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👤︎ u/Vyuvarax
📅︎ Feb 01 2018
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What do I say to my gf when she's on her periods and is flipping out on every damn thing I say?

Your ovary-acting.

👍︎ 11
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👤︎ u/shaanman
📅︎ Jun 24 2020
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I stole my gf dictionary and she didn't say a thing

I guess she had no words left for that

👍︎ 7
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👤︎ u/spoonbad
📅︎ Mar 23 2020
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Me talking to my GF
👍︎ 24
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📅︎ Feb 18 2020
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Gf left me

My girlfriend left me because I have Alopecia.......

Nevermind, Hair loss

👍︎ 4
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📅︎ Jan 30 2020
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Dinner with the GF

So we ordered pizza last night when it just got too late to cook... While we were sitting and eating I pushed my plate away with one piece of pizza left on it. My GF asked "Don't you want to eat your last piece?" "I said no, you can have it." So she took it off my plate and finished it in two bites... I reached for another piece of pizza and she said "What are you doing, you just said you were full!" I said “I didn't say I was full... I just didn't want that piece because it fell on the floor."

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📅︎ Jun 29 2020
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I'm an audiophile and my gf wanted to try polyamory.

I said nah. Fidelity is important to me.

👍︎ 12
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👤︎ u/luxxanoir
📅︎ Apr 28 2020
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My gf was always preoccupied with being right, so I tried some reverse psychology...

And left

👍︎ 47
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👤︎ u/808natsu
📅︎ Jan 07 2020
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My GF and I throw down
👍︎ 21
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📅︎ Oct 29 2019
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My GF leaves me notes around the apartment...

Today I found this one.

Edit: Wow, thanks for the positive responses. Here are some more notes from her. Thank you reddit, for making my girlfriend famous for a day, she quite enjoyed your comments after a hard day's work :)

👍︎ 5k
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👤︎ u/SLOBaron
📅︎ Apr 11 2017
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My gf made a pun

do you know what comes after lethargy

.

.

.

.

.

H

👍︎ 10
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👤︎ u/aden54321
📅︎ Aug 19 2019
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This remote at my gfs operates the lights and fans. Its very fan-see if you ask me.
👍︎ 26
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📅︎ Oct 16 2019
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My GF was board so she asked me a question. Can't say I'm Sorry.
👍︎ 26
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👤︎ u/donovan280
📅︎ Jul 02 2019
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GF: I love you

Me: I love the sequel GF: ....... Me: I love you 2 cue groans

👍︎ 4k
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📅︎ Sep 15 2016
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My gf left a note on the fridge: this is not working, im going to my mom's house.

I opened the fridge's door, the light came on, the juice was cold. What the hell did she mean?

👍︎ 583
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👤︎ u/hughdman
📅︎ Nov 18 2018
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GF: "You made good time today"

Me: "I only use the best ingredients"

gf gives me a look

GF: "Ingredients for time?"

Me: "I never use tardy sauce"

gf leaves room

👍︎ 3k
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👤︎ u/droptheone
📅︎ Jun 17 2017
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GF has been blaming me for us losing all our stuff in an Earthquake..

even though I told her it wasn't my fault

👍︎ 22
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📅︎ Nov 10 2019
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I took my gf Alice to see the Northern lights

She didn’t seem interested, so I asked...

Does the Aurora BoreyouAlice?

👍︎ 32
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📅︎ May 16 2018
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My Gf just pointed out that pasteurization has become really effective this year

Our milk lasts the rest of this decade!

👍︎ 3
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👤︎ u/DwarfWoot
📅︎ Dec 26 2019
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Restaurant called the Dog Haus - a Place I wouldn’t mind spending the night if the gf was mad.
👍︎ 9
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📅︎ Jul 02 2019
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Dad joke pun the GF hit me with this morning regarding blue jeans

While putting on a pair of jeans this morning before work, I remarked to my gf something along the lines of "I've had these jeans for years, they're so old!"

To which she replied: "Yeah I can see that, they look like they've been in your family for generations."

I'm still absolutely floored with pride.

👍︎ 8
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📅︎ Sep 05 2019
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Dadjoked my gf about her nipples

After sexy time last night, she goes "why do you always like my nipples so much?". I responded... "because without them your boobs are pointless". I died laughing and she sat there batting her eyelashes at me in disbelief.

👍︎ 3k
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👤︎ u/Calicagoan
📅︎ Apr 14 2014
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I really like sending letters to my gf who lives in Southern California, but she hates my puns. i.reddituploads.com/befad…
👍︎ 428
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👤︎ u/VeganJack
📅︎ Feb 01 2017
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My GF was slicing tomatoes...

One of them slipped off the cutting board onto the floor and she gasped in surprise. I asked her what happened and she said "one of my tomatoes is trying to get away" So of course I replied "Well did you ketchup to it?" And then I giggled for the rest of the evening.

👍︎ 2k
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📅︎ Jan 17 2017
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My crazy GF

My GF said I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti should of seen the face when I drove pasta (pas-tA)

👍︎ 7
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📅︎ Oct 17 2019
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My GF said to me, "I'm growing impatient..."

So I said, "What type of plant is that?"

👍︎ 15
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👤︎ u/___300
📅︎ Sep 12 2019
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