My teeth were stained, so the dentist asked me, “do you smoke or drink coffee?”
I have heard that a pirate's favorite letter is "R" or sometimes "C"...
but when I took one's "P" away they became irate.
Which is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch a cold.
It doesn't matter if you label yourself straight, gay or bisexual. At the end of the day...
My 7 yo son: Imagine this room has no doors or windows, how do you get out?
Me: Break the wall?
Him: Just wake up from your imagination.
Due to this sub's unending debate about what equals a "Dad Joke", I have my own measure for whether or not to upvote/award... It must be more than some lame, unimaginative, "heard it 1000 times" pun. I just reviewed whether the top 10 jokes off all time from this sub meet this standard, and sadly...
I asked the executioner if he got paid by the job or by the hour...
He said it was a per decapita income.
15 minutes can save you 15% or more on car insurance
Why was Vader called Darth vader or Lord vader?
Cause when someone called him master vader all the stormtroopers laughed
Why did the surgeon wear a tuxedo in the OR?
He preferred formal openings
>!Source: Dan Harmon. Great Clean Jokes For Grown Up Kids. pp 49!<
How do you tell the difference between an alligator or a crocodile?
It depends if they see you later or in awhile.
Hey guys. There's a grocery store on my left, a few cars, some people going for lunch, I see a bunch of carts or trolleys, whatever you call them. Please just think about me.
I'm going through a lot right now.
Bugs Bunny won't accept any file transfers through Dropbox or Google Drive...
The only way to send him something is as a WhatsApp Doc.
How Can you tell if a girl is ticklish or not ?
You give her a couple test tickles.
Did you know you can appear stylish and charming with instant mashed potato or hair removal cream?
Which weighs more, water or butane?
Water obviously. Butane's a lighter fluid.
I ran a computer simulation and in 3028 years things will be either really good or really bad.
Whats longer, forever or eternity?
Eternity. It has 8 letters.
I’m conflicted as to what to use for my fried chicken…tempura, cornmeal or buttermilk
I need to make batter choices.
An Indian grocery store started a blockchain business where tokens can be redeemed for flatbreads, chocolate, or dog food.
They're Naan-Fudge-Kibble Tokens.
A group of monks where removed from the scene in front of the Playboy Mansion, where they were insistently trying to sell flowers to people entering or leaving the premises. One monk informed us that, "We would be pursuing this in court but,
Only Hugh can prevent Florist Friars."
Are satyrs straight or gay?
Neither. They're Pan-sexual
idk if this belongs here or not, but it made me giggle
A father told his son “Stop masturbating or you’ll go blind”
Son replies: Dad I am over here.
My wife gave me an ultimatum - she said it was either her or my addiction to sweets…
The decision was a piece of cake!
^(idk if this counts or not.. This was told to me by a customer) "For 50 years of being married, me and the lady only had ONE fight...
Which is better, bee jokes or egg jokes?
Sorry to cause such a buzz, but my brain is getting all scrambled thinking about this
What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the middle of the ocean?
My son needed help with his creative writing homework. 'Is it further or farther?' he asked me.
"It's me, father," I replied.
Was looking for a film last night. It wasn't on Netflix or Hulu, so I asked myself...
Tubi or not Tubi, that is the question...
What's more likely to explode? A T-Rex or a rooster?
Well the chicken won't but a dino might.
Do you have any bruises, sprains, strains, or broken bones?
No? Good! Now that we've gotten four maladies out of the way, how the heck are ya?
I'm not sure if it's quicker to get to the second floor using just my feet, or my hands and feet at the same time.
But I suspect it's the ladder.
Do you prefer a) Mulled Wine, b) Mulled Cider, c)Mulled beer or d) Mulled Gin?
This was a Mulled tipple choice question.
If you ever got locked in or out, speak to the padlock.
Because communication is key.
Actor who played Donna on 90210? Or was it Dawna? Dona?
I dunno, it's a Miss Tori Spelling.
Did you know that Forrest Gump was not a Millennial or a Baby Boomer....
He was actually from Gen - A
Sand Witch or something im not into food
My dentist said my teeth were stained. He asked, "Do you smoke or drink coffee?" I replied,
My teeth were stained, so the dentist asked me, “do you smoke or drink coffee?”
Bugs Bunny won't accept any files through WeTransfer or Google Drive
The only way to send him something is as a Whatsapp Doc
Which is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch a cold
What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a hole?
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