I don’t mean to brag, but I just put a puzzle together in 1 day...
and the box said 2-4 years!
Dude 1: “Hey bro?” Dude 2: “Yeah bro?” Dude 1: “Can you hand me that pamphlet?”
I got gas for $1.19 today!
Unfortunately, it was from Taco Bell.
The longest I've ever made love for is 1 hour, 2 minutes and 32 seconds...
... I love it when the clocks go forward!
Do you know why air pumps at gas stations used to be free but are now $1.50?
Astronaut 1: Isthereaplacewecanhangoutafterwork?
Astronaut 2: Yeah, there’s a space bar right over there.
Astronaut 1: Great, wanna go after work?
Astronaut 2: Nah, not really; the drinks are great but there’s no atmosphere...
An apple pie in Jamaica is £1.50, a cherry pie in Barbados is £1.60 and a mince pie in Trinidad is £1.80.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean
Ill see myself out
They say 1 in 4 people are Dyslexic and there's 4 people in my office.
It's either Me or Darren or Kevin or Anal.
Its's Anal isnt it.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
It's my 1-year Reddit anniversary
Getting karma should be easy as cake
Edit: It’s a giant cake day celebration! Happy cake day everyone!!
Did you hear about the cow that could produce 1,000 gallons of milk every day?
The guy with 1 hater then
I saw an ad in a shop window, "Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full"
I thought, "I can't turn that down".
Today I will be talking about the Makita 18V Cordless 1/2-Inch Hammer Drive
Its 1:30 and im drunk, thought this was comical
What did the hispanic who took 2 too many drugs say? Help i think I over(dos)ed
I said to the baker, "How come all your cakes are 50p & that one's £1?"
He said, "That's Madeira cake"
Always look out for number 1...
Especially when eating snow.
We all know that Dracula is the #1 vampire and from Transylvania. But where is the #2 vampire from?
What's the difference between 1 and 2 acres?
Man #1: "Sir, would you like a pamphlet about our organization?
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper
And now I'm paying for it.
Apple Pie is a ridiculous $5 a slice in the U.S., but only $1 in Jamaica, the Bahamas, & the Virgin Islands
Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean
1 of the 2 women in my office has cast a spell on me...
I don't know which one is witch ?
I’m excited for Jan 1, 2021
Then I can finally say that hindsight is 2020.
I once got into a bar fight with the number 1. His friends 3, 5, 7, and 9 showed up to help him.
The odds were against me.
I went to cake shop and all the cakes were £1 except one which was £3...
I asked the shopkeeper why and he said "That's Madeira cake"
I had a problem with my anti-virus program, it kept saying I had 1 virus on my computer.
So I deleted the anti-virus and there weren't any problems any more!
1-800-GET-RICH
If you, or a loved one, wear glasses and are being forced to wear a mask, you may be entitled to condensation.
I started counting from 1.
To continue after 9, I had to put in a lot of effort. It was in tens.
Why isn't 1 allowed to hang out with 0 anymore?
Because 1's mom says 0 is naughty
Painting my ceiling isn't exactly #1 on my priority list.
This Is A Paid advertisement: Have a home project you’re working on? For a limited time, Lowes Home Improvement is now selling Levels 2 for the price of 1!
What motel serves breakfast at 1:00 pm?
I was walking past a shop, and there was a classic bomb in the window Beside it was a sign that read "$1, irreplaceable fuse"
I said to myself "That's an offer I can't refuse"
1 minute when she turns 62
I can never remember the Roman Numerals for 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500...
What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?
DAD: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?
SON: Envelope.
Here's a math joke:My friend said he turned into y=1/x...
but I think he was just being hyperbolic
Theres only 1 bra I think about
This morning my 1 year old who can't walk very well held my hand and stepped down from a curb.
So young and already making great strides in life.
Remember when air was free at the gas station, now it’s $1.50. You know why?
Air used to be free and now it’s 1.75 you know why?
Remember when they used to have air at the gas station for free? Now it’s $1.50
Air used to be free at gas stations, now it's $1.50. Know why?
I was attacked by 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9.
The odds were against me.
I got gas today for $1.39.
Unfortunately it was at Taco Bell.
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