He was over for dinner, asking me about making a simple wooden box. Once he's finished describing what he wants to do and how he thinks he'll do it I reply with "Yeah, that wood work".
I looked down at my shirt and said, "but I like my polo".
I had to explain it, but once she got it she thought it was hilarious. I'm very proud of this joke.
I said "So it's a well gnome garden".
I laughed harder than he did.
Whenever he says "I'm ready to retire," his boss puts him right back to work on another car.
But when i got home all the signs were there.
Big deal. I have had a Canon printer for years.
But I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.
It’s mail-dominated.
It's something I really Excel at.
We'll see about that...
I have to make every second Count.
It’s because they di-late
A calcu-now.
His job was soda pressing.
So I'm givin it all for nothing
They were Inca hoots.
She said, "That's a human right."
I said, "Yes, my boss is a human."
It takes them too long to swallow their pride.
You add "g" and it's GONE
Either it sucks or it sucks.
Because adding just one more would make it too farty. Straight from my 7 year old daughter.
Edit: Thank you so much for the awards and upvotes. I showed my daughter how many people saw and appreciated her humor and she's extatic. I know she probably didn't come up with the joke herself but this was one of the first times she really got me with a good one and I thought I'd share it with some fellow dads and others.
Almost 40 and growing my beard out for the first time. Wife finally says "You know I'm starting to like it." And I could finally say "Yeah. It's growing on me."
You just say to your family member - "Did you hear someone in the family is part owl?"
They'll reply with "who?" And you look at them with a raised eyebrow.
Tell this joke over dinner if youd like to be the life of the party. You're welcome.
The spacebar
No matter how far apart two people are, there’s only four feet between them!
Too many red flags.
Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen.
He lives a sedimentary lifestyle
You can’t change my mind
Cause it's not about the money . It's about sending a message !
I’m on season eight. Still not sure what this has to do with security.
(Jersey accent) I don't know, Alaska.
It was ALL-SORTS of fun
A calcu-now
