The mayor in my city just passed law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week
Well it’s not a law it’s a mandate
What are the strongest days of the week?
Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
My uncle died last week because the doctors couldn't figure out his blood type.
At least my uncle was being supportive as he kept on yelling, "Be positive!"
After this week's bad weather in Texas, there'll probably be a baby boom in nine months.
I've been using my new U2 navigation system this week and it's the worst...
The streets have no name and I still haven't found what I'm looking for!
My Korean friend died last week...
I was rewatching Black Panther last week and it struck me. Andy Serkis and Martin Freeman
are 'Tolkien White Guys' in the movie
The guy who invented the Hokey Pokey died last week.
Turns out they had a lot of trouble putting him in his coffin. Because everytime they put his right leg in, he put his right leg out.
I broke my finger last week.
On the other hand, I'm okay.
What is a mouths favourite day of the week?
It's diarrhoea awareness week.
What do you get if you don’t move a single muscle all week?
Last week I tried an all banana diet.
I didn’t find it very appealing.
Today I'm starting diarrhoea awareness week....
Last week I went to a restaurant on the moon.
The food is great but there is no atmosphere.
I got to meet the tallest man in the world last week.
I was disappointed by how he looked down on everyone else.
I was having problems with the printer at work last week and I had to ring the engineer. I told him that I kept putting paper in to the printer but the display kept saying it just can't get enough...
The engineer said "ah yes.... it's stuck in Depeche Mode"....
Just seen that there's a nudist convention on in town next week....
...I might go if I've got nothing on
My neighbour has had 45 concussions in the past few weeks.
He lives just a stone throw away.
A tub of margarine fell on my foot 3 weeks a go and it still hurts.....
I can't believe it's not better.
I ran out of toilet paper last week and can't afford to buy more till I get paid next week, so I started using the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in......
......... The Times are really Rough!!!
Why at the end of the week?
What's the scariest day of the week for a fish?
Last week, someone went into my garage and stole my limbo stick
Like seriously, how low can you go?
I got a new haircut a week ago
I didn’t like it then, but it is starting to grow on me
From my 70 year old dad: I hung up a map of the US in the kitchen and gave my wife a dart. I told her we would go on a two week vacation wherever she stuck the dart.
Looks like we’ll be spending two weeks behind the fridge.
I failed my medical school entrance exam last week, thanks to nerves.
The correct answer was blood vessels.
Next week I will learn if I have cancer.
The suspense is killing me.
I don't mind foreign dishes, for example we ate some halal food last week
I think they called it Allah carte
I just had a new wash basin delivered to our house for our guest bathroom, but my wife decided that she hates the design so much she won't even let me bring it in off the porch. It has been sitting by our front door for a week, A ENTIRE WEEK.
My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning
It's a girl and weighs 7lbs 12 oz.
I gave the cat a bath last week..
I still can't taste anything
Dadvent day 7. Already a week of puns!
After trying for a week, the wife just told me, she's pregnant.
She has the worst stutter ever.
Last week I went to the gym almost every day ...
... almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday ...
Employee: Boss, can I have a week off for Christmas?
Boss: It's May
Employee: Boss, may I have a week off for Christmas?
(I'll see myself out.)
What day of the week cries the most?
Had a painter and decorator round this week. He's a furloughed airline pilot...
He made a lovely job of the landing!
I bought a new bed last week
I sleep so much bedder now
What are the strongest days of the week?
Saturday and Sunday. The other days are week days.
A tub of margarine fell on my foot three weeks ago and it still hurts.
I can’t believe it’s not better.
What do you win if you don't move a single muscle all week?
Week off for Christmas
Employee: Boss, can I have a week off for Christmas?
Boss: It's May!
Employee: Sorry, may I have a week off for Christmas?
I broke my finger last week.
On the other hand I'm ok.
A tub of margarine fell on my Foot last week
And it's still bruised, I can't believe it's not better.
Today is the start of diarrhoea awareness week....
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