To all ya'll in Texas without tap water

Get well soon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kimenon001
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21
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A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.

He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Derpvboii
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
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Never use tap water as a perfume.

It doesn't make any scents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CheeHL
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04
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My girlfriend can't stand the tap water. She says it tastes too metallic.

I think she just has a strong sense of iron-y.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MacAtack3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
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It is
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/egyptiancowboy05
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
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Under-age Weasel walks into a bar... orders a drink.

So an under-age weasel waltzes into the local bar one fine Friday. He asks the bartender,

"HEY! Whatcha got to drink here?"

Bartender checks his ID, replies with,

"Well sir, since you're not quite old enough, here are your options:

We got tap water, seltzer water, apple juice, orange juice, milk, coffee, tea, and pop."

"POP! Goes the Weasel."

πŸ‘︎ 94
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlienOpium
πŸ“…︎ May 31
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My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill

So I sent him a "get well soon" card

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedCakesYT
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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...
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mounis11
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
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Tappy tap
πŸ‘︎ 175
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πŸ‘€︎ u/suomipewkele
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
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In a recent poll, 80% of people in America said they would not open their homes to a sentient water basin that walked up to their door and asked for shelter.

Let that sink in.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/corbimatic
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
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That's a foot and...
πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RabbitGuySentMe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2017
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Got my wife while making the shopping list

Her: So how are we doing with Toilet Paper?

Me: I've been practicing for 30 years, i think i got a good technique going.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bnicoletti82
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2014
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Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with a hammer."

Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rangatan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2015
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What do you get when you poke at a bottle of water?

Tap water

r/jokes thought that this joke belongs here

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/agg304
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2018
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What do you call a dancing ocean?

Tap water!

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anorak_Parzival
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2018
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One cold, winter morning, my wife texted me, "Windows frozen, won't open."

I texted back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap edges with hammer."

She texted back 10 minutes later, "Computer really messed up now."

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2017
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Punny Dad at his best ...

I go to the sink in the kitchen to pour myself a glass of water. Punny Dad comes up behind me and starts lightly hitting the pipe.

Me: No Dad - Dad: 'Tap' water - Me: - I get it Dad!

πŸ‘︎ 99
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmzeyWamzey
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2013
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My grandpa dropped this one on me the other day.

So me and my grandparents are very close and we go out to eat at least once a month. One day we went to a restaurant that had a special on Natty Light. He orders one and I ask him, "Of all the beer they have on tap why would you order Natty Light?" To which he responds. "Natural Light is like making love in a canoe" I give him a confused look. "It's fuckin' near water!"

I applauded.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/papaJAWN
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2013
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