If you want it cold, you have to add the AC.
It’s an untapped market.
Cashier asks if I want any fuel. 'I'm not that thirsty'. I grinned.
He didn't even smile.
Solid, liquid and gas
This is the straw that broke the Camelback
I Schwepped her off her feet.
Waterfall
He approached a wild ox. The ox looked at him.
The guy said, "Hello, there, wild ox. Would you like to buy this bottle of brandy from me? £50, that is all."
The wild ox mulled it over, before pulling out the money and handing it over to the man.
In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have jumped up and yelled, "It's a con, yak!"
It's not cool man
That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
Follow the litre.
Hydrogen oxide, I'm Dad
You will be mist.
Because you are considered an aquaholic
Tap water
r/jokes thought that this joke belongs here
My dad told me to get help because I was an aquaholic.
"That depends how clumsy sailors are," I replied.
Because it was a little horse!
This was the last straw that broke the CamelBak.
I looked at her and said "You mist!". Ha
http://imgur.com/4gufghR
She seemed really, really scared. When I told her I couldn’t smell smoke, she showed me this picture: https://imgur.com/gallery/RbplooY, giggling like crazy.
Chip off the old block she is!
Edit: thank you so much for my first ever award!!!
I ask for his name. He says it’s Dasani. I said, ”water you here for?” He didn’t look amused. I said, “hey bud no need to keep your emotions bottled up.”
He put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.
I said, "Well, dam..."
The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel..
They’re replacing plastic water bottles with a Canada water.
A doctor is driving home one night along a lonely road when a rabbit suddenly bolted in front of his car. The doctor swerved and tried his best to stop, but it wasn't possible and the car hit the bunny.
He immediately pulled the car to the side of the road and got out to see if he could help the poor bunny. It didn't look good. He raced back to the car to retrieve his bag, but realized almost instantly that he was driving his wife's car and so his bag wouldn't be there.
He frantically rooted through the glovebox, trying to find gauze or water - anything that could be useful. He found a bottle of what he expected was water and brought it back to where the bunny was laying. With great care, he poured a cap full and let the bunny drink.
To the doctor's amazement, the rabbit sprang back to life - jumping up on his hind legs and wiggling his tail. He smiled at the doctor and waved as he began to prance back toward the woods. He hopped a couple of feet, paused, turned and waved again. Hopped another few feet, turned and waved yet again. He reached the edge of the trees and again, he turned and waved at the doctor.
Stunned, the doctor brought the bottle up to the light to see what magic potion he had discovered. Squinting his eyes, he read the label aloud, "Hair restorer with permanent wave".
My daughter asked me to open a bottle of water for her to drink and I did. She took one sip, then started dumping the water onto the floor.
I quickly grabbed the bottle and said, "Hey! That's bad!"
She looked at me and said, "No, it's water."
My best friend lives on the East Coast. I’m on the West. He often streams his games over Skype so I can hang out and watch. He was playing the Witcher 3, and fighting the water monster men. I said “They just want to know the shape of you,” and he coincidentally died at that moment.
He got really, really mad. I always knew my puns annoyed him a little, but when I was sad, he’d tell dumb puns he’d google to cheer me up. But he just went into a tangent on how much puns annoy him and how he doesn’t get that I keep doing them over and over again every day whenever I talk with him. Trying to stop or cut back on puns would be pretty difficult and make me sad; I love witty wordplay and commentary, and bottling it up feels awful. But apparently it really, really annoys him.
What should I do?
Run through Africa with a water bottle.
My 5 y/o daughter said to me “daddy can I have some water from your water bottle because I’m thirsty.”
Me: of course sweetie
4 y/o son from the other room, “nice to meet you Thirsty, I’m Grady!”
Stopping his car he got out to check if it was okay.
In a stroke of good fortune the rabbit was still alive, just.
The man went into the church to see if there was anyone who could help him.
A kindly Priest saw the man and offered to help. He asked the Mab to wait a moment while he got something that might help...
... After a few moments the Priest returned with a small flask and poured the contents on the rabbit. Which hopped up right as rain!
The rabbit waved to the man, and crossed the road.
After crossing the road the rabbit turned around an waved again. After a few hops the rabbit turned around and waved again. This continued until the man could no longer see the rabbit. A few hops, turn and wave.
When the man turned back to the kindly Priest and asked him, "What was in that bottle anyway, Holy water?"
The Priest replied, "oh nothing like that. It was haer restore, with a permanent wave."
Solid, liquid and gas
Schwepped her off her feet.
Schwepped her off her feet
Schwepped her off her feet
