BLK, the black bottled water, is best served warm.

If you want it cold, you have to add the AC.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JJ4mmer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
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I’m going to start a YouTube channel where I critique bottled water...

It’s an untapped market.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellaMajestic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
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Went petrol (gas) station to buy bottled water on the way to football.

Cashier asks if I want any fuel. 'I'm not that thirsty'. I grinned.

He didn't even smile.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FuzzyBagpuss
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2014
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The police just showed up at my house and arrested my bottle of water. They said he was wanted in 3 states...

Solid, liquid and gas

πŸ‘︎ 406
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brundonius
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
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I accidentally used the wrong straw in my wife’s water bottle and broke it. She asked me to show her. I said...

This is the straw that broke the Camelback

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BassMan2511
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.

I Schwepped her off her feet.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uglyric
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
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*holds water bottle* You see this? *drops water bottle*

Waterfall

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vissthebeast
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a guy drink a bottle of brandy, then fill it to the top with water and screw the lid back on.

He approached a wild ox. The ox looked at him.

The guy said, "Hello, there, wild ox. Would you like to buy this bottle of brandy from me? Β£50, that is all."

The wild ox mulled it over, before pulling out the money and handing it over to the man.

In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have jumped up and yelled, "It's a con, yak!"

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator

It's not cool man

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
If you become seriously depressed, try drinking a gallon of water just before you go to bed.

That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
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What is a water bottle's favorite game to play?

Follow the litre.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Dad say to the bottle of water?

Hydrogen oxide, I'm Dad

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/banks987
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
🚨︎ report
To the water in my spray bottle:

You will be mist.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
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Water bottle company spells H2O
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
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Water bottle wisdom imgur.com/7qMxKbA
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πŸ‘€︎ u/summerrane
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2017
🚨︎ report
How many bottles of water do you drink everyday?

Because you are considered an aquaholic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlipperyRoads
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife was wanting to throw a shirt into the dryer to get the wrinkles out but she wanted to spray it with water first. She couldn’t find a spray bottle close by so she instead grabbed the iron to spray it... talk about the ultimate irony.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vonberns
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you poke at a bottle of water?

Tap water

r/jokes thought that this joke belongs here

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/agg304
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2018
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I drank 2 bottles of water at dinner last night.

My dad told me to get help because I was an aquaholic.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhitePeopleGifs
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2018
🚨︎ report
"Dad, how many bottles of water are in the ocean?" my son asked.

"That depends how clumsy sailors are," I replied.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
🚨︎ report
This bottle of water was sold by an English company but it is ...
πŸ‘︎ 104
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ask-a-physicist
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2015
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Why did the Clydesdale give a bottle of water to the pony?

Because it was a little horse!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SamFN
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm furious that all these replacement parts I bought for my water bottle only damaged it more.

This was the last straw that broke the CamelBak.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_will_regreddit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2017
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I saw my daughter watering the plants with a spray bottle

I looked at her and said "You mist!". Ha

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InfiniTTTy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2017
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"I have a bottle of eyes water. "Ice water?" "No."

http://imgur.com/4gufghR

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rigamarolexq
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2016
🚨︎ report
So proud of my daughter, who ran upstairs to tell me our downstairs toilet was smoking.

She seemed really, really scared. When I told her I couldn’t smell smoke, she showed me this picture: https://imgur.com/gallery/RbplooY, giggling like crazy.

Chip off the old block she is!

Edit: thank you so much for my first ever award!!!

πŸ‘︎ 632
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πŸ‘€︎ u/superdad0206
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy walks into the office

I ask for his name. He says it’s Dasani. I said, ”water you here for?” He didn’t look amused. I said, β€œhey bud no need to keep your emotions bottled up.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/harlienx900
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I just saw real a real idiot at the gym.

He put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/parasnohwar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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My friend asked me if I could name two different structures that hold water.

I said, "Well, dam..."

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatandsalt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2018
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Why do they do this to memes?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/b_finch07
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
One day, a fourteen-year-old weasel walked into a local pub. The bartender took one look at him and says, β€œYou are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.”

The weasel asks, β€œWhat can I have?” The bartender replies, β€œI have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
β€œPop!” goes the weasel..

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lavacadotoast
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about Canada’s new green initiative?

They’re replacing plastic water bottles with a Canada water.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lanman33
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Poor little bunny

A doctor is driving home one night along a lonely road when a rabbit suddenly bolted in front of his car. The doctor swerved and tried his best to stop, but it wasn't possible and the car hit the bunny.

He immediately pulled the car to the side of the road and got out to see if he could help the poor bunny. It didn't look good. He raced back to the car to retrieve his bag, but realized almost instantly that he was driving his wife's car and so his bag wouldn't be there.

He frantically rooted through the glovebox, trying to find gauze or water - anything that could be useful. He found a bottle of what he expected was water and brought it back to where the bunny was laying. With great care, he poured a cap full and let the bunny drink.

To the doctor's amazement, the rabbit sprang back to life - jumping up on his hind legs and wiggling his tail. He smiled at the doctor and waved as he began to prance back toward the woods. He hopped a couple of feet, paused, turned and waved again. Hopped another few feet, turned and waved yet again. He reached the edge of the trees and again, he turned and waved at the doctor.

Stunned, the doctor brought the bottle up to the light to see what magic potion he had discovered. Squinting his eyes, he read the label aloud, "Hair restorer with permanent wave".

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Not sure if my daughter's a lawyer or a dad

My daughter asked me to open a bottle of water for her to drink and I did. She took one sip, then started dumping the water onto the floor.

I quickly grabbed the bottle and said, "Hey! That's bad!"

She looked at me and said, "No, it's water."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rosemourne
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2017
🚨︎ report
My friend got REALLY mad at me for punning, advice needed!

My best friend lives on the East Coast. I’m on the West. He often streams his games over Skype so I can hang out and watch. He was playing the Witcher 3, and fighting the water monster men. I said β€œThey just want to know the shape of you,” and he coincidentally died at that moment.

He got really, really mad. I always knew my puns annoyed him a little, but when I was sad, he’d tell dumb puns he’d google to cheer me up. But he just went into a tangent on how much puns annoy him and how he doesn’t get that I keep doing them over and over again every day whenever I talk with him. Trying to stop or cut back on puns would be pretty difficult and make me sad; I love witty wordplay and commentary, and bottling it up feels awful. But apparently it really, really annoys him.

What should I do?

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
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"Dark joke" How do you get 11 million followers?

Run through Africa with a water bottle.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lilcrazy1995
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
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I need your help. Our August pun sucks.
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShrimpGuts
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2017
🚨︎ report
Proud dad moment

My 5 y/o daughter said to me β€œdaddy can I have some water from your water bottle because I’m thirsty.”

Me: of course sweetie

4 y/o son from the other room, β€œnice to meet you Thirsty, I’m Grady!”

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PineappleBum
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
🚨︎ report
A man hit a rabbit with his car, while driving past a church in an unfamiliar town, one easter morning...

Stopping his car he got out to check if it was okay.

In a stroke of good fortune the rabbit was still alive, just.

The man went into the church to see if there was anyone who could help him.

A kindly Priest saw the man and offered to help. He asked the Mab to wait a moment while he got something that might help...

... After a few moments the Priest returned with a small flask and poured the contents on the rabbit. Which hopped up right as rain!

The rabbit waved to the man, and crossed the road.

After crossing the road the rabbit turned around an waved again. After a few hops the rabbit turned around and waved again. This continued until the man could no longer see the rabbit. A few hops, turn and wave.

When the man turned back to the kindly Priest and asked him, "What was in that bottle anyway, Holy water?"

The Priest replied, "oh nothing like that. It was haer restore, with a permanent wave."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GerFubDhuw
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
🚨︎ report
A police officer arrested a bottle of water because it was wanted in three different states

Solid, liquid and gas

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emu404
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
A girl agreed to go out with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water

Schwepped her off her feet.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dulcetsavanna
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
🚨︎ report
A girl agreed to go out with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water

Schwepped her off her feet

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maxbergmusic
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
A girl agreed to go out with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water

Schwepped her off her feet

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rotimi_babalola
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I gave my date a bottle of tonic water

Schwepped her off her feet

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clbull
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report

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