My wife told me to flip off the thermostat before we left the house. I don’t think she appreciated how I followed her instructions.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Squachee
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
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Son-β€œDad it’s cold in here, can we turn the thermostat up”

Me - β€œNo just go stand in the corner”

Son -β€œWhy?”

Me - β€œBecause it is always at 90 degrees”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WestPastEast
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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Call me a thermostat because only my dad's allowed to touch me
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πŸ‘€︎ u/el_STiiNG
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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Someone broke the thermostat

Not cool, its got me heated!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Erikg1116
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
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No matter how high you set the thermostat...

It'll always be room temperature

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrispyCritter83
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
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I scolded my son because he keeps turning down the thermostat.

I put it back at 70 and said "I've had it up to here!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CSwork1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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If you are cold, DONT TOUCH MY THERMOSTAT! Just move your bed to the corner of your room where its 90 degrees.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/satirical_whit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
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My coworker thanked me for turning down the thermostat.

I said "don't sweat it "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Captain-Americano
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
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If you got a tattoo of a thermos..

You could then tell people you have a thermos-tat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nozerone
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26
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Dad, I'm so much cooler than you.

Well, put on a jacket, then. You still don't get to touch the thermostat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zotiko
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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Perfect for cooking circles. ⭕️
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LoliOnABudget
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
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A family gathers around their father who is very old and sick...

Daughter, are you here? Son? Where is my brother? Is everyone here in this room with me now?

Yes Dad we're all here! Your entire family is here in this room!

Then why is the hallway light on?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisrus65
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2018
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Funny 'Dads Anonymous' story to share for the holiday weekend.

"Welcome everyone to Dads Anonymous. Again my name is Bill and you will notice that we have a new member, please welcome Gary -- Can you tell us what brought you to us today?"

"Well I have a very embarrassing confession. It's even hard to get the words out."

Bill reassures him, "We are all dads here and have been meeting for decades, we've been through all the highs and lows, births and deaths, tragedies, we've heard it all. Just tell us what's on your mind son, we are here to support each other."

"Well, a couple months ago, I broke both my legs in a motorcycle accident and couldn't walk, so I let my wife use the lawnmower." He says through the sobs...

Bob, one of the other dads, starts to get pale. "...and she didn't even cut it in a crisp geometric pattern, it was just random..." Bob starts to sweat and get dry heaves. "YOU BASTARD", he screams. "HOW COULD YOU LET THAT HAPPEN." The dads rise and get ready to beat the crap out of Gary, when Bill stands between them and breaks it up.

"Guys! Guys, we all get weak sometimes and things happen outside our control. Doug, you remember when you were in recovering from Chemo and you gave your wife a hammer, and she used it to hammer a roofing nail into the drywall to hang a picture!" Doug, looks down in shame, "Yes, that was a bad day, I was so weak. She missed the stud and left a dent in the wall, and she just hung the picture over it, crooked!" There was dead silence. "Thats ok Doug, it was twenty years ago, you were young and foolish, you can let it go". Then all the dads shook hands and sat back down.

Bill starts the meeting up again. Then Gary says, "..theres one more thing, Right after I got out of the hospital, she wanted to make a special dinner for us, so I let her grill the steaks..." "OH LORD THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" screams Dave, another dad, his face turning red. Gary continues "...she burnt them one one side and they were dry and chewy." Now there is a bedlam, one dad immediately passes out cold, chairs are thrown, broken bottles, Gary is on the ground being kicked in the ribs. After a few tense minutes Bill managed to get the dads off of Gary. "Stop it, Dave you're killing him. Come on, you remember that time you let your wife go to the repair shop for an oil change?" Dave hung his head, and muttered yeah. "They convinced her to change the cabin filter, wiper blades and the radiator collant..." Bill kept prodding "and, aaand" ...Dave broke down, "and she bought a jug of blinker fluid!" T

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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I respect anyone and everyone...

Who doesn’t touch the thermostat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiteWalterBlack
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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We need to change the temperature FAST

ThermoSTAT

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πŸ‘€︎ u/http-ang
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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Son: We should have a house warming party Dad.

Dad: (Moving to block the thermostat) a what now?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
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God creating dads

[God Creating Dads] God: Ah, yes I think I’m done. Dads:Hi Done, we’re Dads! God: Dads: God: Creates adjustable thermostat

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πŸ‘€︎ u/endercrusadr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
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How do you summon a dad?

By touching the thermostat.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2018
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Hey Dad, we should throw a housewarming party for the new neighbors!

Dad moves defensively towards the thermostat: "A what kind of party?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyates88
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
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Justin Bieber was in a hotel in Arizona yesterday. The air conditioning was broken, so he asked the hotel manager if he could do something about the heat.

The hotel manager replied, "sorry, I'm not a big fan."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thkoog
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2017
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Practical jokes for the car

These are some of the practical jokes my dad would do while driving to "entertain" us:

  1. Driving slow next to a jogger, turning down the window and asking "You seem to be in a hurry. Need a lift?" I would usually hide under a seat in shame.

  2. On a hot day in a car without AC, he'd use the standard question "Hot enough for everyone?" which just gave him groans and a loud "yes". - "Well, in this case I can turn down the thermostat again". (Of course, he'd just been turning it up right before his question without anyone noticing)

  3. Instead of driving right in a roundabout and taking the third exit, he'd drive left and take the first "to save gas", creeping the shit out of everyone. This was out on the countryside with no cars anywhere to be seen.

Any other stories you guys have?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yes_oui_si_ja
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2016
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