My said she wanted to be seen in something long and flowing.

So i t pushed her in to the river!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?

You just have to listen varicosely.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OriginalCWP
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to dinner with a cannibal family I know. The conversation was flowing. Their daughter suddenly piped up β€œMummy I don’t like Nanny”. The mother replied...

β€œWell leave her on the side and just eat your vegetables”.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
🚨︎ report
As I stared at the hot water flowing towards my shower drain I realized something.

It's all downhill from here.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What's a flowing water with living organisms called?

A livestream.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nexxus25
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Masturbation is the best way to get your creative juices flowing.

That's why they call it a "stroke of genius" when you finally come up with something

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BuddyEndsleigh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2016
🚨︎ report
Let the puns flow through you
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sly_teddy_bear
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
A pun that really flows off the tongue
πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sandbag747
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What a flow!

Egypt has sent a warning to Ethiopia not to block the Nile, but really, Ethiopia doesn't give a dam about it

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dark_Leome
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill

So I sent him a "get well soon" card

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedCakesYT
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I'll stick to my ribs

A woman walked into the kitchen one day and saw, much to her horror, her husband sitting at the table with blood all over most of his face, his chest, hands, arm, and on the table. She watched for a moment, shocked, as he began pouring barbeque sauce on his arm where most of the blood was coming from.

"Stop that! What are you doing!? What happened to your arm?!" She finally managed to scream as she unjammed all the words trying to flow out at once.

Her husband looked at her with a disgusted frown and a shake of his head and replied "I've made a terrible me-steak"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dazmo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Where do you go if you want to stop a water flow by wedging in hundreds of small furry animals?

Hamster dam

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Octopus-Pawn
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
🚨︎ report
The fountain of youth…

…flows into the Juve-Nile.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
If I fell into the river that flows through Paris...

...am I legally in Seine?

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a sea creature with flow?

An Eminemone

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Frobi-Wan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
In which state does nile river flow?

Liquid

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mikekhan7
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Diarrhea is hereditary.

It runs in your jeans.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Baldeagle77
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My hair flowed down my back when I was in my 20’s and I’m not bragging when I tell you it still does

Because it starts from below my collar now

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I was upset in front of my geography teacher because I couldn't find a stream of water that flowed into the Sea of Azol

He said "Crimea River."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you see the movie about the invention of tampons?

Yeah, it's a period piece.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CAD8033
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
The Monk and The Cow

A monk sits at the peak of a hill that overlooks where the grassy Earth meets a river, the river flows with a breeze, and the breeze explores a mountain range, and the mountains neighbor the sky, and the sky conceals the entire universe, hiding the unknown in plain sight. The monk exhales "Ooooomm". He repeats this until a noise, very faint, breaks his chant.

"moo."

The monk stops for a moment but, without changing his position, dismisses it. "Ooooooommm." He begins again.

He's interrupted again, "moooo."

The monk turns to find a cow looking up at him from the bottom of the hill. "Kind cow," the monk says, "please do not interrupt my meditation."

The cow stares blankly back at the monk. The monk sighs and continues.

"Oooooommmm-"

Even louder, "Mmmooooooooo."

"Dear cow, I must reach enlightenment. Please, refrain from making your cow noises or find another hill."

The monk continues again, "Oooooooommmm-"

"MMMmmoooooooooooO!" The cow exclaims.

The monk stands up angrily, "Cow! Why must you interrupt my chanting?"

The cow replies, "Because you're saying it backwards!"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/baconbuddy95
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my wife β€œWhat’s it like having to deal with periods?”

She said β€œI just go with the flow”.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife made a graph to track her periods.

It's a flow chart.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hybridtheory1331
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Eating apples is healthy
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/normalperson4382
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Just go with the flow (xpost /r/gifs )( Ν‘Β° ΝœΚ– Ν‘Β°)
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hellABunk
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2016
🚨︎ report
There have been a lot of stories about volcanic eruptions and lava flows in the news lately...

They're so hot right now.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Verisai
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2018
🚨︎ report
As a traffic planner I was asked how and where I intended to improve flow through intersections. I pointed on the map and said,

"Roundabout here."

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2017
🚨︎ report
My sword doesn’t weigh much

It’s my light saber

πŸ‘︎ 85
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/piginafez
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Therapy

A psychiatrist asked his patient if he could remember one life changing moment that really stood out from any others.

He replied. "Why yes. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was running down the street with tears flowing from my eyes crying 'Its a boy, its a boy!' I made a concious decision that day to never visit another brothel in Thailand".

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
🚨︎ report
If you stay in the area where the longest Afican river flows into the Mediterranean, you will go crazy.

Sea Nile

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/redditurded
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2016
🚨︎ report
Before my surgery, the anesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.

It was an ether/oar situation

πŸ‘︎ 850
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Studies show that 4 out of 5 men suffer from diarrhea at some point in their life.

Why are 1 out of 5 men enjoying it??

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife just got her breast pump going...

So my wife just got her breast pump all set up. She's got the double suckers rolling, tits out, milk flowing like a minor tributary. And I ASK "ARE YOU PUMPED?!" fucking genius.... She stared silently for like 10 seconds. Then told me to post here.

πŸ‘︎ 94
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JeremySTL
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What do the people say about the female rapper on her menstrual cycle?

She had a mean flow

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BadBooJuJu66
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.

I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I realized I should post this before I lose my train of thought.
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dankmonseiur69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2018
🚨︎ report
What are banks used for?

To control the flow of the current sea

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shailertroy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie?

He was too far out, man.

πŸ‘︎ 171
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cancervixen831
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2018
🚨︎ report
how many sound engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?

one, two... one, two...

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cobbywebby92
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2015
🚨︎ report
The rotation of the earth makes my day
πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TH3C0SM1CM0NK3Y
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I will be a dad in a month. Is it required for me to tell these or brush up on my humor paradigm?
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lightningcrane31
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do women only rap on their periods?

Because they have a mad flow.

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mattman8326
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a creek and a crick?

A creek is a small body of flowing fresh water. A crick is the sound a Japanese camera makes.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tor1991
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
🚨︎ report
You can hear the blood flowing through your veins

if you listen varicosely.

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CheeseheadDave
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2018
🚨︎ report
If you water water

It grows 🌿

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AndytheMVP
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the female rapper who only rapped when she was on her period?

They say she had a mean flow.

πŸ‘︎ 106
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/safwan070
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.