Confused and upset, I asked why.
The vet advised he was too heavy to hold any longer.
But I’m not worried, since he doesn’t have the balls to do anything
The vet replied, "Nothing major, he's just really heavy!"
...he has chirpes.
'What's that?'
'It's a cararial disease... and, by the way, it's untweetable.'
Vet: "I'm sorry, I don't understand. It's toucan fusing."
My dog was delighted.
Look, sometimes you have to call a spayed a spayed.
Vet: "are you picking up what I'm putting down"
Me: "Hello, I need to make an appointment for my pet Ostrich."
Vet: "Ok what's the problem?"
Me: "He's holding his head to one side."
Vet: "Hmm, maybe neck's weak?"
Me: "Haven't you got anything sooner?"
bronco-die-laters
Yesterday, I took a herd of cows out for drinks.
Guess we’ll call him Eggplant now
She was a bit scared a very confused until we showed up at grandmas house as usual. Happy Veterans Day to my mom and those who served ! and thanks to all of you that are AD | NAD | TRS | TAMP for your service.
I don’t understand. Don’t people take their pets to the vet to get fixed all the time?
Sorry, that we were unable to reattach it to your duck.”
He said, “vet? I’m fucking soaking”
"Hamster?" she laughed, "That's a snake".
Thankfully, he’s in a stable condition.
She says I have a reptile dysfunction.
I told him that I would be happy to consider LASIK, but wondered how it would help us potty train him?
I took my Rottweiler to the vet because it’s cross eyed, he lifted it up to look at it then said:
“I’m going to have to put this dog down.”
“What!? Why!” I exclaimed. “Because it’s cross eyed?”
“No, because it’s heavy”. He replied.
Apparently he has a reptile dysfunction.
Cat litter's more common.
It was ill-eagle.
The vet said it had a reptile dysfunction.
We recently discovered mice in our pantry. Everyone’s advice? Get a cat. Apparently they are stone cold killers.
We made some calls and learned from our vet that they had two cats that need to be rehomed. I agreed to take them sight unseen. I think it’s a boy and girl but I don’t actually know. We pick them up next week.
We want to instill the right spirit into our mercenaries by naming them after famous murderers, but want to lighten the mood with puns.
So far we have come up with Jeffrey Paw-er but we are certain our Reddit friends can do better. We need male and female options. I understand one cat is black and the other is a brown mix.
We need help coming up with names, anyone up for the challenge??
I call it “Best bets for vetting vets for vets”
When I walked in, I saw a lady holding a leash attached to a miniature pony. I asked what was wrong with it, she said "he's just a little hoarse."
Yep, he’s nut free.
I guess he had no balls.
She confirmed my worst fears. Diagnosis: Barkinson's disease.
He came down with a stellar case of lunar tics.
“Well,” the vet says, “Let’s have a look at him.” The vet picks up the dog and looks into his eyes. After a few second the he says, “I’m afraid I’m going to have to put him down.”
The shocked owner replies, “what?! Because he’s cross-eyed?!”
“No, because he’s heavy.”
A dogtor.
He was a little hoarse!
Update: I’m very sad to announce that he has been diagnosed with hay fever. Please send him your best wishes for a speedy recovery.
I think we have to take him to the dogtor
Thankfully, he’s in a stable condition.
After he climbed out he said, "Here is ze dog, dry him off and he vill be fine." I said, "Are you a vet?" To which he replied, annoyed; "Vet? I'm fucking zoaking."
