True story: many years ago I adopted a new dog. Took him to his first visit to the vet.
The lady at the vet: “what’s his name?”
Me: “The shelter told me his name is Toby”
Her: “Well, what does he think his name is?”
Me: “........ Kunte Kinte”
She didn’t get it. Once in a lifetime joke wasted.
My wife works in animal medicine and rolled her eyes at me. "Where does a vet who specializes in neutering live?"
My 2 pet birds got stuck together, so I took them to the vets to see what they could do.
Apparently, he couldn't do anything, because it was just....
Toucan-fusing.
My vet picked up my dog, looked at him and confirmed that he was cross-eyed and that he had to be put down.
Confused and upset, I asked why.
The vet advised he was too heavy to hold any longer.
There is a religious veterinarian who has a strict rule that only one vet can work on large animals at a time
Because it is a sin to co-vet an oxen or donkey.
Our dog has been a little under the weather so we took him in for a checkup. The vet picked him up, studied him for a bit, sighed and said, "I'm really sorry, but I'm gonna have to put him down." Tears welling in my eyes I sputtered, "Why!? What's wrong with him?"
The vet replied, "Nothing major, he's just really heavy!"
My dog was acting a bit angry since I took him to the vets and get him neutered
But I’m not worried, since he doesn’t have the balls to do anything
My female cat just got fixed, but the vet insisted on referring to it as "feline ovarian removal".
Look, sometimes you have to call a spayed a spayed.
My dog ate a string of Christmas lights, but the vet was able to remove them.
Pet owner: "Vet , my birds are stuck together."
Vet: "I'm sorry, I don't understand. It's toucan fusing."
The vet told me my parrot was sick...
...he has chirpes.
'What's that?'
'It's a cararial disease... and, by the way, it's untweetable.'
I have a horse that's really asthmatic and I'm scared it may not make it. The vet prescribed some
POV you're a vet trying to arrange a date with a patient
Vet: "are you picking up what I'm putting down"
Called the vets this morning...
Me: "Hello, I need to make an appointment for my pet Ostrich."
Vet: "Ok what's the problem?"
Me: "He's holding his head to one side."
Vet: "Hmm, maybe neck's weak?"
Me: "Haven't you got anything sooner?"
A german tourist jumped in the freezing water to save my dog. After he climbed out, he said, “here is ze dog, dry him off and keep him warm, he vill be fine. I asked him, “are you a vet?”
He said, “vet? I’m fucking soaking”
As a newly qualified vet, I'm now allowed to treat animals.
Yesterday, I took a herd of cows out for drinks.
The vet said our chick has survived through the accident, but his brain was damaged so he’d have to live the rest of his life a vegetable.
Guess we’ll call him Eggplant now
As I was leaving the vet’s office, he said “Here is the bill..
Sorry, that we were unable to reattach it to your duck.”
My 4y olds temp is a bit high this morning so I told her she was as sick as a dog we have to take her to the vet.
She was a bit scared a very confused until we showed up at grandmas house as usual. Happy Veterans Day to my mom and those who served ! and thanks to all of you that are AD | NAD | TRS | TAMP for your service.
My robot dog wasn’t working properly but the vet said he couldn’t do anything.
I don’t understand. Don’t people take their pets to the vet to get fixed all the time?
I ran into the vets this morning and said to the blonde receptionist, "Quick, I think my daughters hamster is in serious trouble".
"Hamster?" she laughed, "That's a snake".
My horse was very sick so I had to take him to the vet.
Thankfully, he’s in a stable condition.
My wife threatened to leave me unless I take my iguana to the vet.
She says I have a reptile dysfunction.
My Vet said our puppy requires supervision at all times.
I told him that I would be happy to consider LASIK, but wondered how it would help us potty train him?
Found this heading into the vet
I took my dog to the vet.
I took my Rottweiler to the vet because it’s cross eyed, he lifted it up to look at it then said:
“I’m going to have to put this dog down.”
“What!? Why!” I exclaimed. “Because it’s cross eyed?”
“No, because it’s heavy”. He replied.
Took my iguana Ralph to the vets, he's very lethagic and hardly gets up anymore.
Apparently he has a reptile dysfunction.
Why do injured cats get to the vet faster than injured dogs?
Cat litter's more common.
Why didn’t the vet treat the eagle?
I work at a vet and my dad texts me this:
I took my dog to the vet yesterday...
When I walked in, I saw a lady holding a leash attached to a miniature pony. I asked what was wrong with it, she said "he's just a little hoarse."
Our cat came home from the vet allergy safe.
A man brings his Rottweiler into the vet. “My dog is cross-eyed is there anything you can do for him?”
“Well,” the vet says, “Let’s have a look at him.” The vet picks up the dog and looks into his eyes.
After a few second the he says, “I’m afraid I’m going to have to put him down.”
The shocked owner replies, “what?! Because he’s cross-eyed?!”
“No, because he’s heavy.”
My dog was terrified to see the vet again after his first visit
I noticed my dog starting to shake every time he barked, so I took him to the vet.
She confirmed my worst fears. Diagnosis: Barkinson's disease.
Why did the cosmonaut take his dog to the vet?
He came down with a stellar case of lunar tics.
What did the vet say to the dog?
My cat, "description", lost her tail recently. I had to give the vet a detailed description.
What do you call a vet who specialises in dogs?
Why did the Pony go to the vet?
He was a little hoarse!
Update: I’m very sad to announce that he has been diagnosed with hay fever. Please send him your best wishes for a speedy recovery.
I took my cat to the vet today
Should i take my dog to vet?
My girlfriend said we need to take the puppy to the vet, I don’t know what she means.
I think we have to take him to the dogtor
My horse was very sick so I had to take him to the vet.
Thankfully, he’s in a stable condition.
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