A tub of margarine fell on my foot 3 weeks a go and it still hurts.....
I can't believe it's not better.
What did the monk say who saw the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine?
I can't believe it's not Buddha.
What's the difference between a bath tub and an alligator?
(Dad waits for the common response: "I don't know, what?")
Then I'd advice you to never take a bath.
I'd like to plug my wife's attempt to cross the Atlantic in a bath tub.
But it's too late....she sank.
On my death bed I’l request to be moved to a tub full of pees just before I die so people can say ‘may he rest in pees’
Scientists recently performed an experiment to figure out the gender of an ant. They would place them in a tub of water.
If they sank, girl ant. If they floated, buoyant.
What does a Rastafarian use to keep his beer cool in the hot tub?
What do you call the German man that fell into a tub of disinfectant?
I dared to ask my wife why she is ordering a giant tub of Whiteout from Amazon.
My two year old in the tub
Looked at me and said "Pop!..." I assumed he was prompting me to sing, so I finished "goes the weasel!" Instead, he looked at me, smiled, and whispered. "No. Pop goes the waffle."
He got his bedtime toaster waffle snack that night.
Someone hit my leg with a tub of lard.
Honestly, I'm just glad it wasnt a butternut squash.
I found my son sleeping in a tub of peas.
“May he rest in peas,” i said.
Have you all heard about the monk who claimed to see the face of jesus in a tub of margarine?
He said “i cant believe its not Buddha”
Two dudes chilling in a hot tub 5 feet apart cause they're
What's the difference between a fish, a piano and a tub of glue?
You can tune a piano but you can't tunafish. as for the tub of glue, i knew you would get stuck on that one
Today at work, I took a dish collector tub into the walk-in with me. I realized, most restaurants fridges can't even fit a car.
Yet, I just fit a bus in here.
Call a plumber. The tub is all pugged up.
What’s the difference between a piano, tuna, and a tub of glue?
You can tuna piano, but you can’t piano a tuna!
I saw something in the tub and thought the cat took a crap in there, but he just knocked over some of my wife’s hair care products.
What makes a bath tub get really hot?
6 Dwarfs were in a hot tub feeling happy
What did the man say to the kid who left a tub of Fluorine on his yard
Today I walked in on my wife taking a bath in a tub full of mouthwash
What is the most judgmental hot tub?
What did the bee in the hot tub say?
Did you hear about the man who was murdered in the tub?
My wife really knows how to hold a grudge, she asked for a tube of lip balm and I accidentally gave her a tub of glue
She still isn’t talking to me
PS. This is a cross post from r/ShittyLifeProTips
Top ten reasons you shouldn't use your computer in the tub
Two bears are sitting in a tub.
The polar bear dissolves.
Jacuzzis and Hot Tubs...
are like two pees in a pond
I was in my backyard in the hot tub last night enjoying the views of the incoming lightning storm not thinking of the danger.
And then it struck me....
What did the Italian say to the Frenchman that farted in the hot tub?
What do you call a hot tub full of chicken prostitutes?
What do you call a leper in a hot tub?
If you hurl allegations from the hot tub...
Two monkeys in a bath tub
The first monkey says "ooh ooh aah aah"
The second replies "put some cold in then"
My friend was told to use a margarine tub as a protective cup...
...but he was afraid he'd get a knob of butter.
A tub of margarine fell on my foot three weeks ago and it still hurts.
I can’t believe it’s not better.
A tub of margarine fell on my Foot last week
And it's still bruised, I can't believe it's not better.
What did the Tibetan Monk say when he saw Jesus in a tub of margarine?
"I can't believe it's not Buddha."
What did the monk say when he saw the face of Jesus in a margarine tub?
I can't believe it's not Buddah.
I dared to ask my wife why she’s buying a giant tub of Whiteout.
What did the monk say when he saw the face of Jesus in his margarine tub?
I can't believe it's not buddha
I dared to ask my wife why she’s buying a giant tub of Whiteout.
What’s the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a tub of glue
You can tuna piano but you can’t piano a tuna
I regret asking my wife why she’s buying a giant tub of whiteout from the store.
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