I caught a man trying to break into my house last night. He was wearing football pads, swimming trunks, ice skates and holding a baseball bat.

I said, β€œOi, what’s your game?”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adfunk101
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
🚨︎ report
My dad once told me that if I put a potato in my swim trunks, I would attract more women...

He forgot to tell me to put the potato in the front

πŸ‘︎ 250
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Funny-Promise956
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is the skin of tree trunks called bark?

Because it's rough.

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wotmate
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can’t two elephants swim at the same time?

They only have a pair of trunks.

-my grandfather, just 5 minutes ago.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCVisNih
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What type of undies do elephants prefer?

Trunks

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/THPSROCKS
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call wet swim trunks?

Swam trunks

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nobodahobo66
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you do if an elephant doesn’t fit in your car?

You pop the trunk

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jpaylay42016
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?

A traveling mouse.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Plain-Zebra
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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When is a trunk not a trunk?

When it's ajar!!!

I know, I know...

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JfreakingR
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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I’ve got a spare in the trunk
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thecasualcaribou
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do the cops keep water in the trunk?

So that their siren does not die

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vald1412
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What is gray, has four legs, and a trunk?

A mouse going on a vacation

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HeY0-o
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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When my British friend goes out in the wilderness, he sleeps in his car trunk...

He calls it boot camp.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the elephant go to jail?

He had a dead guy in his trunk.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jitney76
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Nice new car son.. What's that thing on the trunk?
πŸ‘︎ 429
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tobias_drundridge
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an elephant with a stuffy nose?

Junk in the trunk.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pauly_pasqually
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a suitcase full of stolen jazz instruments?

A felonious trunk.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xrayhearing
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you kill a blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a pink elephant?

Twist its trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chairfairy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
It must be tough working in the shipping and receiving department of a zoo.

No one ever addresses the elephant in the room.

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigtuna_burger
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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What does a shy elephant wear when he goes swimming?

A pair of long trunks.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhatProtomolecule
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
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My grandpa always kept a trunk full of sketches by famous artists...

It was a chest of drawers.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
A boy complains to his father: 'You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!'

Father: 'Really, what?'

Boy: 'That the potato should go in the front.'

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Namirred
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
🚨︎ report
A tree trunk impaled my computer

Now I can't log in

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/g0t__em
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked my friend if he knew a pachyderm famous for its trunk. He suggested Dumbo.

But that was Ear-Elephant.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
If you're buying a car for your elephant, make sure it has plenty of trunk space.
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theinfinitejaguar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What is grey, has a tail and a large trunk?

A mouse going on a holiday.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ihasanali
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2018
🚨︎ report
TIL: Two elephants of the same herd won’t go into the same body of water together at the same time.

It’s because they only have one pair of trunks between the two of them.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justshtmypnts
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Tree trunk
πŸ‘︎ 174
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ptbsbll
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2013
🚨︎ report
What’s big and grey and doesn’t matter?

An irrelephant.

πŸ‘︎ 323
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πŸ‘€︎ u/0_IceCold_0
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
This is a series of dad jokes that all relate to each other and form a dad joke story so bear with me.

How do you kill a blue elephant? (How?) With a blue elephant gun.

How you you kill a pink elephant? (With a pink elephant gun?) No, you hold its trunk til it turns blue then shoot it with the blue elephant gun

Why do elephants paint their toenails red? (No clue...?) So they can hide in cherry trees

Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? (Of course not) Then clearly it works

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I once saw an elephant at the zoo named Trunk

I thought that was a little on the nose.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arewehavingfun
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2017
🚨︎ report
Why is the tree in the water?

It has swim trunks

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gameboy90
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why should you keep a pin and a bowling ball in the trunk of your car?

To make sure you always have a spare.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rezanator11
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2017
🚨︎ report
If you're riding an elephant, you should wear a backpack

You can't put your stuff in the trunk.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Malcolm_Y
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
There is ivy growing up the trunk of a tree at my house. I don't really want to do anything about it though.

It could really use some devine intervention.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeprosyDick
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2017
🚨︎ report
Last night, I couldn't find my normal pajamas, so I put on swim trunks.

My wife asked, "why are you wearing swim trunks right now?"

Because, I'm about to dive into bed!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rockbandit
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2017
🚨︎ report
A tree walks into a bar...

The bartender says, "Go home tree, you're trunk."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_Spazztastic
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What is gray, has four legs, and a trunk?

A mouse going on vacation.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyphr0st
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What is grey, has 4 legs and a trunk?

A mouse on holiday

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bmantis311
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
🚨︎ report
POTATOES IN TRUNKS

Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!

Father: Really, what?

Boy: That the potato should go in the front.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Black_Mutant
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2018
🚨︎ report

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