What do you call a wizard who can make toasted sandwiches?
I went to a cannibal wedding. The Groom toasted the bridesmaids, The best man toasted the Bride and Groom and the father of the Bride toasted absent friends.....
It was one hell of a barbecue.
Today marks 5 years since I stopped getting my subs toasted at subway...
Despite going cold turkey, I still haven't been able to stop smoking.
Making a salad with toasted almonds
Mom: "We'd better toast the almonds now."
Dad: *raises imaginary glass* "Here's to the almonds!"
We were at Subway and the sandwich artist asked my dad if he wanted his Turkey Club toasted.
"Yeah, I'm quitting cold turkey."
Man is it hot outside! He must be toasted!
Any good french toast puns?
What do cars put on their toast for breakfast?
What do you call an Ignorant Piece of Toast
Gentlemen, a toast.
To bread! Because without bread, there would be no toast.
Sneezed all over my toast.
Can’t believe it snot butter...
What is an Air Fryer's favorite food? (Courtesy of my 6 year old)
Air-vrything.
I'm so proud.
I made some French toasts for my kids
I went to the zoo yesterday and I saw a piece of toast in a cage.
When I asked the keeper why, he said, "It was bread in captivity!"
My son helped me out with this one. What do doors spread on their toast?
Jamb.
Thanks u/rerunthedj
What did the toaster say to the bread?
I was disappointed in the synonym toast,
because it was just warm bread.
I like Synonym Toast Crunch.
It's tasty. And yummy as well.
My girlfriend usually has peanut butter toast for breakfast, but this morning we were out of bread, and she’s been grouchy all day.
I never knew she was lack-toast intolerant.
I made some toast and refused to give our little doggo a bite. My kids asked why she looked so sad...
I told them she was lack-toast intolerant.
Why did Bill get mad at John after John ate all of his toast?
Because he's Lack Toast Intolerant.
I had some delicious honey on my toast this morning.
Later as I walked past the hive where it came from I said "Thank you bees for making the best honey in the world." A few shouted back "It's good but we wouldn't say it was the best honey in the world."
Oh I thought, they must be humble bees.
Hey look, it is Toast Malone.
I’m not sure if I like toast.
On the upside, it’s buttered. But on the downside, it’s not.
My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.
So I took the battery out of the smoke detector.
Some people like in Toad in the Hole, but I like my eggs a toast boat.
Unfortunately, it can only be bought in a bay kery.
Whenever I eat burnt toast it makes me feel sick.
I guess I’m just black toast intolerant.
I woke up this morning and saw a bird of prey in my backyard eating avocado toast and yelling “Ok Boomer!”
It was a millennial falcon.
My grandpa just came over to my house with a young guy wearing skinny jeans and eating avocado toast. Miffed, I questioned, “Who's this guy?” Gramps chuckled and replied, "Who, him?"
"This is my hip replacement!"
Me: I lost a piece of toast at the zoo.
My friend: so it’s bread in captivity?
Me: crying no it landed on the sidewalk.
How does Darth Vader like his toast?
A little on the dark side
My battery died when I was recording my wife giving a toast at her parents’ 50th wedding anniversary.
Now I’m never going to hear the end of it.
My wife says I shouldn't put so much jelly on my toast
But I can't help it, that shit's my jam
What spread do astronauts use on their toast?
I had a stack of 52 slices of toast this morning.
I ate an entire deck of carbs!
"I'd like to have a toast" said the father-in-law at his daughters wedding
"Add some jam on it," he continued
(Smh this wasn't appreciated enough at r/jokes)
Forgiveness is the most important part of a well balanced breakfast.
I used to know a guy who was all about getting his waffle in the morning. That's all he'd talk about! He'd even take people's toast out of the toaster and put in his waffles.
Just found out why my toast kept getting burnt
My toaster had pop-up blocker on.
What did the bagel say when he was about to get eaten at breakfast?
Excuse me, but I'd like to propose a toast!
Making stale bread taste better is easy
When I found out my toaster wasn’t waterproof
I'm a trucker. My dispatcher texted me to ask if I'd picked up a load of frozen toast. This was my response...
20,000lb of frozen bread so clearly I'm loafing along and a gluten for punishment.
Bad puns are the yeast of my problems. This load takes me to the upper crust, but if I don't get it in on time I'm toast!
Sorry about my rye sense of humor...
I went to the zoo today and saw a piece of toast in a cage? The zoo keeper told me...
That it's bread in captivity.
Sorry.
I went to my backyard and saw a bird of prey eating avocado toast.
It was a millennial falcon.
How does Darth Vader like his toast?
On the dark side... This joke was a little forced.
I went to my backyard this morning, and I saw a bird of prey eating avocado toast.
It was a millennial falcon.
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