I have started carrying a piece of stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving.
Itβs my jingle bell rock.
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︎ Oct 17 2020
I just had a guy throw milk at me
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︎ Dec 24 2020
I asked all the countries in the world if they wanted to throw a party. All of them told me they can't because of covid.
Only one was like "Yemen"
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︎ Jan 11 2021
I forgot how to throw a boomerang
but then it came back to me
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︎ Jan 21 2021
Your honor is it illegal to throw sodium chloride in someone's eyes?
Judge: it's assault
I know it's a salt, is it a crime though?
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︎ Jan 17 2021
What do you call it when a millennial throws a clot?
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︎ Jan 21 2021
I saw a man at the supermarket today, throw all the milk, butter, cream and yoghurt off the shelves, in a rage.
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︎ Nov 28 2020
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mineshaft?
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︎ Nov 11 2020
You know how they throw the ball into the crowd after they win the game?
Apparently, that's not allowed in bowling. I know that now.
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︎ Dec 09 2020
I used to know how to throw a boomerang
It's not coming back to me now.
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︎ Nov 16 2020
When French people make bread, they throw the dough at the window to see if it's ready to bake
I guess that's why they call it window pain.
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︎ Dec 25 2020
Mom said she'd throw her son from a cliff if he didn't eat his vegetables ...
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︎ Dec 28 2020
My kids get confused when I throw whole basil leaves at them this time of year
But as they say, 'tis the season
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︎ Dec 24 2020
I throw up whenever i hear a joke
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︎ Jul 11 2020
A man asks a police officer if itβs a crime to throw sodium chloride in someoneβs eyes
Officer: βYes, thatβs assault!β
Man: βI know itβs a salt, but is it a crime?β
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︎ Nov 14 2020
How do you throw a party in space?
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︎ Oct 22 2020
I was sitting in a bar when a man walked in and proceeded to throw some milk, yoghurt and cheese at me
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︎ Oct 25 2020
The best thing to do with a crying baby is throw them in the air.
Because what goes up must calm down.
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︎ Nov 27 2020
Yesterday I saw a man throw his toilet of the balcony
some shit really went down
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︎ Nov 22 2020
My town throws a festival for the salmon spawn each year. This is what they call companies that contribute a significant amount of money.
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︎ Sep 30 2020
Why did the boy throw the butter out the window?
He wanted to see a butter-fly!
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︎ Nov 17 2020
If thereβs one thing that always makes me throw up...
Itβs a dart board on the ceiling
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︎ Sep 05 2020
No matter what kind of pasta you throw in a black hole
It all gets spaghettified.
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︎ Oct 23 2020
Lawyer - Is it crime to throw salt in someone's eyes?
Judge - Yes, that's assault!
Lawyer - I know it's a salt but is it a crime?
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︎ Sep 25 2020
What do you call it when you throw a middle aged woman off a building and they come back to you?
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︎ Oct 23 2020
I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang,
But eventually it came back to me.
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︎ Oct 12 2020
An alien came down to Earth the other day, stepped out of his spaceship and said, "G'day cobber! Let's start a barby and throw some shrimp on! Strewth!".....
....he was an Austr-alien
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︎ Oct 13 2020
Me: Honey, did you recycle the old computer, or just throw it in the trash?
My boyfriend: Neither. I put it on the .com-post.
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︎ Oct 08 2020
A friend of mine always carries around a scale with him no matter where he goes. Anytime he meets a new person named William he throws them right on the scale. So one day I finally asked, "why do you keep doing this?" He replied.
"because where there's a Will there's a weigh."
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︎ Oct 16 2020
What do you call a woman who throws all of her bills on the fire?
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︎ Sep 25 2020
Went fishing with a friend that wanted to throw rocks into the lake
I told βem we should just skip it
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︎ Oct 02 2020
Dad, why did you throw all my belts in the garbage?
Because they're waist products.
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︎ Sep 20 2020
We had an arsonist throw Molotov cocktails at driveways, sheds, and cars parked all around our neighborhood.
It really hit close to home.
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︎ Oct 10 2020
What did the musician throw to his dog?
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︎ Aug 01 2020
Why did the priest have to throw away the church?
Because it was parishable.
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︎ Sep 19 2020
Two Ninjas are in a cage match to the death. Which team throws in the towel first?
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︎ Sep 15 2020
This joke may need a little work... I was going to throw a costume party this Halloween...
But, I think everyone would come as surgeons.
This is the part that may need work...
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︎ Aug 08 2020
My school going son throws a tantrum everytime I bring up maths and numbers in ordinary conversations
Well, what can i say, kids his age are irrational
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︎ Aug 20 2020
How does the solar system throw a party?
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︎ Sep 03 2020
Don't throw sodium chloride at people.
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︎ Nov 28 2020
Don't throw sodium chloride at people
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︎ Nov 18 2020
Donβt throw sodium chloride at people
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︎ Nov 19 2020
Is it a crime to throw NaCl on someone's eyes?
It's assault
I know it's a salt but is it a crime?
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︎ Oct 16 2020
Itβs actually a crime to throw sodium chloride at someone.
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︎ Nov 25 2020
I always carry a pebble with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs in October.
I call it my jingle bell rock!
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︎ Oct 31 2020
Me: Is it a crime to throw sodium chloride in your enemy's eyes?
Person: Yes, that's assault.
Me: Yes I know it's a salt, but is it a crime?
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︎ Sep 09 2020
If there's one thing that makes me throw up...
it's a dart board on a ceiling.
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︎ Jul 31 2020
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