My teacher likes to start every day by reading a joke from Reddit. She was sick the other day, so
My wife saw me drinking from a Halloween skull the other day
Wife: who’s skull is that
Me: a man named Phillip
Wife: what’s in it?
Me: vodka and orange juice.
Wife: .......
Me: it’s a Phillips head screwdriver
I was walking with my son the other day...
He picked up an acorn and asked me what it was. I told him it was a tree. He said really? I said, well in a nutshell yes.
A policeman pulled me over the other day and started crying as he was writing me a traffic ticket. I asked him why was he crying?
He said it was because I committed a moving violation.
Why did the one FBI agent say to the other?
>!This post has been removed for security reasons!<
Went to the zoo the other day.
The only animal they had was a dog. It was a shitzu.
Two Deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says
“I can’t believe I blew 40 bucks in there”
I got an vinyl album of wasp sounds the other day. Played it, didn’t sound anything like wasps!
Then I realised I was playing the bee side.
What did one butt cheek say to the other one?
"If we keep it together, we can stop this shit!"
Why don't the Jedi take off their shirts to greet each other?
Because only a Sith deals in ab salutes.
Two wind turbines are standing in a wind farm..one turns to the other and says “what’s your favorite kind of music?”
He replied “I’m a big metal fan!”
I went to a Ford dealership the other day looking for a specific model. The salesman told me they didn’t have what I was looking for and that I wasn’t allowed to leave.
I had to replace a broken window the other day.
What did the Dorito farmer say to the other Dorito farmer?
I threw a Duracell at someone's head the other day and it cracked his skull
I was arrested and charged with battery
I was telling Dad jokes the other day.
Turned around, and realized it was Mom.
If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, all the other guests are supposed to pretend as if nothing happened.
Noble gases have no reaction.
Was watching Arrested Development the other day and my girlfriend made a groaner of a dad joke.
Lucille: “I have to get Dusty ice cream.”
GF: “Dusty ice cream doesn’t sound very good”
What did one eye say to the other eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
A guy stopped me in the street the other day to ask why I was carrying a 9ft book.
I said "It's a long story".
I told a joke about hemorrhoids in a hospital the other day.
It didn't sit well with some of the patients.
I went to the park the other day and saw a guy flying one of those tiny RC quadcopters.
I asked him about it and that was a mistake.
He just kept droning on and on!
I saw two snails fighting the other day.
They were really slugging it out.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer the other day. I don’t know what he laced them with but, I’ve been tripping all day....
I met a dolphin the other day,
Came up with this one while writing an Undertale fanfic. What did one flower say to the other?
"You better stop your dandelion, or you'll be the baneberry of my existence!"
Why did the 3 want to hook up with the other 3?
Because of the six appeal.
2 muffins baking in an oven. One turns to the other and says "Gosh, it's hot in here". The other replies;
"AAAAHH! TALKING MUFFIN!"
What did one fish say to the other fish?
How should I know? I dont speak fish
Text message conversation with my dad the other day, where I out-dadded him.
Dad: Give me your best knock knock joke. Or jokes. Do it when you can no rush.
Me: Does it have to be a knock knock joke or can it be any joke?
Dad: Knock Knock.
Me: Who’s there?
Saw 3 Mexicans in my backyard the other day.
I saw Kate Middleton's sister leaving a plastic surgeon's office the other day, but I can't tell you what work she had done.
That would be a Pippa violation.
Why do I feel healthy on Saturdays and Sundays, and so sickly for all the other days ?
Maybe, I just have a weekend immune system.
Recently, I've been driving my wife crazy with how many friends named Fred I've been making, and they all look the same, no less. That said, one day a man rang our bell, and my wife, relieved that he did not look like my other friends, asked who he was, to which a replied:
"Don't worry, Honey, he's just another Fred of mine."
I ate a watch the other day
It was time consuming. I ended up going back for seconds.
I posted something on here the other day and didn’t get a single upvote
What did the Jeeps say after crashing into each other?
Went camping the other day
What did one ocean say to the other?
They didn’t say anything; they just waved.
What did one smoking pipe say to the other smoking pipe?
What did the chicken say to the other chicken covered in spice?
Someone the other day asked me what empathy is
I wrote a book about armadillo shells the other day
I saw a whole shelf of soy milk at the store the other day.
It's great that they've enabled milk to properly introduce themselves to customers.
My teacher likes to start every day by reading a joke from Reddit. She was sick the other day, so
I got an vinyl album of wasp sounds the other day. Played it, didn’t sound anything like wasps!
Then I realised I was playing the bee side.
these two wind turbines were standing in the field talking. one says to the other, "what kind of music do you like?" the reply...
What did one eye say to the other eye?
"I think there's something in between us that smells"
Got a vinyl album the other day on wasp sounds. Played it, didn't sound anything like wasps!
Turns out I was playing the bee side
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