Last night, I kept dreaming that I've written "The Lord of the Rings."
My wife said I've been Tolkien in my sleep.
I've landed my dream job at the guillotine factory...
Will beheading there tomorrow.
We just bought our new dream house and as I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs!?" I chuckled and replied, "Awwwww sweetie...."
I dreamed I met a long snake-like fish who had been knighted by the queen.
I still dream about the time in my life when I used to sniff glue. It was many years ago now.
But that sort of thing stick in your mind.
I finally got my dream job at the guillotine factory
I’ll beheading there shortly
Edit: Thanks for the silver. My first ever award!
My wife and I are finally fulfilling my lifelong dream of visiting The Golden Gate in person.
She said, “What would you do when you finally see it?”
I said, “I’ll cross the bridge when I get there.”
My kid dreams of one day living in the attic.
A man who loved to catch butterflies married the woman of his dreams:
My dream of becoming the first professional boxer/pirate were crushed....
The boxing commission said my right hook was illegal.
Next month, I’m going to fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing The Golden Gate in San Francisco in person.
My wife said, “What are you going to do when you finally see it?”
Me: I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.
I had a dream the ocean was filled with orange soda
Finally got married to the woman of my dreams from Czechoslovakia.
I once had a dream about the future
There was milk in the fridge
I went to the doctor, told him I keep having these dreams I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam. Teepee then a wigwam. What's wrong with me, I asked.
Oh, that's easy, said the doctor: you're two tents. (too tense)
It's been a lifelong dream of mine to live in a house with my own clone. But the science has just come out that most people would hate dealing with someone identical to them.
I just don't think I can live with myself after hearing that.
I had a dream where I was a wharf accused by the state of committing a crime...
I had a right to trial with a jury of my piers.
Woke up with this joke from a dream I had last night. “What personality trait is the most cleansing?”
The other night, I had a dream about being chased by an armored horse.
It's my dream to become the CEO of Subway, if for no other reason than to get rid of the horrible job title "Sandwich Artist."
I just feel like they need a more accurate job title, like Sub Humans.
My grandfather, who was in the army, once told me, “1940, I met my first love. 1946, my second. 1950, I met the woman of my dreams.”
“It was quite a hectic evening.”
I tried to tell me wife about a dream I had where I was weaving the hair of the Philadelphia Flyer's mascot into intricate braids...
She was disgusted, and told me she didn't want the Knit-ty Gritty details.
You always have to keep your job exciting.
Being a well driller, I often dream I could drill right to the center of the earth.
If I didn't have such a great imagination my job would be just boring.
I told my daughter, “Its always been my dream to walk you down the aisle.”
She said, “Dad, we are grocery shopping.”
Last night, I had a dream that I wrote the Hobbit.
Apparently I was Tolkien in my sleep
I had a terrible dream the other night that I was a tail pipe... I could barely sleep.
A wife sent her husband a romantic text message…
She wrote: “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.”
Her husband texted back: “I’m on the toilet, please advise.”
I have big dreams about doing electrical work around the house, but my wife is the sensible one
I have a recurring dream that I lose the ability to taste, see, smell, hear and feel.
My wife says it's nonsense.
I met the woman of my dreams in Korea
Son born in a car named Carson. The dream Dad
Last night I had a dream that I was responsible for culling half of the living population on Earth.
Then I snapped out of it.
What would you name a book that's about a horse's dreams in the middle ages?
The Nightmares of a Knight's Mare.
I had a dream that I ate the world’s biggest marshmallow
and the next morning my pillow was gone.
I had a dream the ocean was filled with orange soda
My wife and I are planning a trip to San Francisco to finally fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing The Golden Gate in person.
She asked me, “What are you going to do when you see it?”
I said, “Let’s cross that bridge when we get there.”
Last night I dreamed the ocean was orange soda.
I had a dream the ocean was filled with orange soda.
Last night I dreamed I wrote “Lord of the Rings”.
I was Tolkien in my sleep
Last night I had a dream that the ocean turned orange.......
but it was just a Fanta sea
I told my daughter, "it's always been my dream to walk you down the aisle."
She said: "Dad, we are grocery shopping."
My wife and I are going on a trip to San Francisco to fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing the Golden Gate in person.
She said, “ What are you going to do when you finally see it?”
I said, “Let’s cross that bridge when we get there.”
A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband the following text...
“If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you!!!” The husband, being a non-romantic sort, replied... “I am on the toilet. Please advise.”
My wife and I are finally visiting San Francisco to fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing the Golden Gate in person.
Her: What would you do when we see it?
Me: Let’s cross that bridge when we get there.
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