What do you call someone with, a sextant, a stetson, a saxophone and a syringe?

A rooting tooting shooting cowboy.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vesurel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to Hell for burning a Bible and shooting up the ashes with a syringe.

I guess I shouldn't have taken the Lord's name in vein.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did an angry, violent, antisocial student bring a drug syringe to class?

He wanted to shoot up the school.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2018
🚨︎ report
What part of a syringe is the most dependant of the other parts?

The need-le.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pdonkey
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What are syringes that float in space called?

You shall be blown.

It's A-STEROID

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nabeelahmxd
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Clubbers in Barnsley are using dental syringes to inject liquid Ecstacy directly into their mouths.

A dangerous process known as 'E by Gum'

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a heroin habit and call my lucky syringe "The Lord's Name"...

I take it in vein.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HONKDADDY
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2017
🚨︎ report
Picture Perfect Puns

Ancient Scot Richard's Warriors: Dick's Picts

Loki - Trick pics (from my brother)

Pictures of an Adam Sandler movie: "Click" pics.

Pictures of a Kaitlin Olson character: The Mick's pics

Screenahots of these comments: Wit pics

Leaky faucet: drip pics

X1 Cumberbatch photos: Benedict pics

X2 Pope photos: Benedict pics (also works)

X3 Turncoat snaps: Benedict pics

X4 "Wong" image: Benedict pics

Legal command: Writ pics

Pictures of twigs: Stick pics

A Christmas Story scene: lick pics

Pictures of a Winter Saint: Nick pics

Syringe photos: prick pics (from a friend)

Sporting goods store images: Dick's pics.

Dan Harmon cartoon character: Rick's pics.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AndySkibba
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
What rhymes with orange?

No it doesn’t

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MangoAway17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife said, "Nothing rhymes with orange"

I said no

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyesboyee
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
🚨︎ report
To get an anti-vaxxer's kid vaccinated...

...we could go up to their house, find an open window and vaccinate the kid using a 10 foot syringe.

I know it's a long shot.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Joke I came up with today

So this surgeon always posts pictures of the masks he wears during his surgery on Instagram. He does this every single time he has a surgery, and his nurses can never understand why. Eventually, he garners a massive following on Instagram. So, he goes into his supervisor's room, and he says, "Hello, it's a pleasure to see you". The supervisor says, "To what do I owe the pleasure?" The surgeon says, "Well, my Instagram business is really taking off. I think it would be better for me to quit being a surgeon and focus on Instagram full time". The supervisor thinks he's a little crazy but decides to let him do what he wants. The former surgeon now goes and buys as many masks as he can to sustain his Instagram account. Eventually, he becomes so wealthy that he is able to buy all these lavish things and not have to worry about economic failure. However, one day, he decides to begin posting pictures of medical needles on his Instagram account instead of masks at about the same time that he gets a horrible sickness that is almost always fatal. Because he posts pictures of masks now, his account begins failing, and even though he tries to save it, he's unable. He no longer has any money to treat the illness and is on his deathbed. His entire family is surrounding him, and his father leans in to hug him. As this happens, the ex-surgeon says in a weak voice, "Dad, where did I go wrong?" The dad, with tears in his eyes, seeing what his son has been reduced to and sadly knowing his dear son's death is imminent says, "You post syringe, you lose subscriber"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TwoPolesGaming
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My son had an ingrown toenail treated.

The doctor's office was associated with the local medical college, so there were a couple of med students watching the senior doctor work on my son's toe. He loaded up a syringe with anesthetic and injected in multiple places, explaining that he was doing this to achieve digital blocking (that is, numbing the entire digit, namely the toe).

After it was done they left the nurse to bandage my son up, and he said, "Dad? What did he mean by digital blocking?"

"Well, when you weren't looking he hooked your toe up to a USB port and downloaded some MP3s into it. If you hold your foot close to your ear you can hear "Laaaaa, aaaaa aa aaaaah, close to you.""

The nurse stared at me and turned to my son. "Is he always like this?"

He silently nodded, looking at the floor...

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oldforger
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2015
🚨︎ report
He claims it was unintentional... but I laughed

Was working in the medical field today, helping a coworker put in 30ish individually wrapped syringes into a bag. They weren't put in the best orientation and required slight bit of pressure to close fully.

I told him to be careful even though there are caps on the syringes.

He responds: "I see your point."

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kuebic
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2017
🚨︎ report
My wife said "nothing rhymes with orange"

I said "No it doesn't"

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChewbaccaNZ
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife just said, "Nothing rhymes with orange"

I said, "no it doesn't"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/number9spud
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.