I got a butt injection today

It was pain the ass!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/reservedmemey
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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There really isn’t a pun for lethal injections, I mean if you think about it, even if you do say anything, your life is still in vein...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElectroIsland
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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I used to handle injection molds at the keyboard plant.

They fired me when I lost control.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeeTheENTP
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
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Daughter: Dad, I want to have Botox injections just like Mum.

Dad: Well your Mum won’t raise an eyebrow.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cockplops
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
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According to a new report, adverse side effects from Botox injections occurred in a large number of people last year

None of them seemed surprised

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
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Dadjoked the injections nurse...

In for my flu shot. She asked me to roll up my sleeve.
Told her "Sure. You have a constitutional right to bare arms."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BobT21
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2014
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Did you guys hear about Trump wanting to inject disinfectant?

It'll lead to an increase in the Dettol.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thespecialpun
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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My son was injected with poisoned blood from a person from Finland

He said "I am finnished."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CTMaximus
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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I’m ready to bring my injectable coronavirus cleansers and gamma-ray beds to market

This is going to make a killing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kjpunch
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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When should you inject the earth with antidepressants?

When its suffering from poor mantle health.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
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Some guy injected my dog with napalm the other day.

I think he was Vietnam vet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
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I heard some drug addict wanted to kill himself by injecting heroin but failed to do so.

Guess it was in vein.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/good_taters
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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I bought some bird seed today

I wonder what kind of birds they will grow into.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bryanBr
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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What do you get if you inject human DNA into a goat?

Removed from the petting zoo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NinjaOttsel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
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People are injecting racehorses with steroids, but the cops are finding it difficult to convict them.

It’s like finding a needle in a haystack.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
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What do you get when you inject human DNA into goat DNA?

Kicked out of the petting zoo :(

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scorchedgoat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2017
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My friend burned a bible and injected the ashes into his arm

I think it was a mistake to take the Lord's name in vein

Credit: Cyanide and Happiness

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2018
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Did you hear about the new injectable drug named "Blasphemy"?

It lets you take Christ's name in vein.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2017
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Some Lorde fans became addicted to a famous injectable drug.

I guess their blood is pure heroin(e) now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/garaile64
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2015
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The wurst case scenario.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crash_86
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2017
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One of my boy scouts asked me, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?"

I said, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all."

So the boy picks up the snake which bites him, and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror.

I continued, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2017
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What do you give a sick car

A fuel injection

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πŸ‘€︎ u/waxy1234
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
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In science class

In science today we were discussing chemical reactions, more specifically ones resulting in light.

Science teacher: "Have any of you seem that show '1000 ways to die'?

Most answer yes.

Teacher: "Well one episode some guy decided to inject himself with the contents of a glow stick to make his veins glow. He died."

Without thinking about it, I stand up and loudly blurt out: "He wasn't too bright, was he?"

Groans galore. I was so proud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LunarDrop
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2013
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A kid gets some gasoline in a papercut...

Now he's fuel injected.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Humorous_Humor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2018
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My son had an ingrown toenail treated.

The doctor's office was associated with the local medical college, so there were a couple of med students watching the senior doctor work on my son's toe. He loaded up a syringe with anesthetic and injected in multiple places, explaining that he was doing this to achieve digital blocking (that is, numbing the entire digit, namely the toe).

After it was done they left the nurse to bandage my son up, and he said, "Dad? What did he mean by digital blocking?"

"Well, when you weren't looking he hooked your toe up to a USB port and downloaded some MP3s into it. If you hold your foot close to your ear you can hear "Laaaaa, aaaaa aa aaaaah, close to you.""

The nurse stared at me and turned to my son. "Is he always like this?"

He silently nodded, looking at the floor...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oldforger
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2015
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As much as I don't like these numbered article things, I thought these images were hilarious. dontpkethebear.com/uncate…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/albenesi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2013
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When engineering professors try to tell jokes.

We were doing a lab using diesel engines.

"Once the fuel rack has been opened, the amount of fuel injected should be sufficient to keep the engine running under its own steam. Or even diesel."

He and the other prof then just start giggling.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaltimoreBirdGuy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2014
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Courtesy of my Grandad

Have you heard about Yorkshire Police finding teenagers injecting ecstasy into just above their teeth?

It's called 'Ee-by-gum'.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alysmaee
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2016
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I became a father today in my Pathophysiology class..

We were discussing the experimentation of the early 1900s on rats, and how a certain scientist would grind up cow ovaries and inject them into mice and they would subsequently die.

The professor made a point to say that the mice reacted badly to the experimentation (Read: they died every time.)

I had to do it.

"So, I suppose you could say they had a cow?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xRhavagex
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2014
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Conversation at dinner

Mom: All these Hollywood people inject drugs in their butt to make them bigger.

Dad: What buttocks ?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beastlyeats
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2014
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My friend once burned a bible then injected the ashes into his arm

He took the Lord's name in vein.

Credit: Cyanide and Happiness

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2018
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