It was pain the ass!
They fired me when I lost control.
Dad: Well your Mum won’t raise an eyebrow.
None of them seemed surprised
In for my flu shot. She asked me to roll up my sleeve.
Told her "Sure. You have a constitutional right to bare arms."
He's trying to sweeten the pot.
Surgeon: Yeah sure. Knock yourself out.
It'll lead to an increase in the Dettol.
This is going to make a killing
When its suffering from poor mantle health.
I think he was Vietnam vet.
Guess it was in vein.
Removed from the petting zoo.
It’s like finding a needle in a haystack.
I think it was a mistake to take the Lord's name in vein
Credit: Cyanide and Happiness
I wonder what kind of birds they will grow into.
It lets you take Christ's name in vein.
I guess their blood is pure heroin(e) now.
I said, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all."
So the boy picks up the snake which bites him, and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror.
I continued, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."
In science today we were discussing chemical reactions, more specifically ones resulting in light.
Science teacher: "Have any of you seem that show '1000 ways to die'?
Most answer yes.
Teacher: "Well one episode some guy decided to inject himself with the contents of a glow stick to make his veins glow. He died."
Without thinking about it, I stand up and loudly blurt out: "He wasn't too bright, was he?"
Groans galore. I was so proud.
Now he's fuel injected.
The doctor's office was associated with the local medical college, so there were a couple of med students watching the senior doctor work on my son's toe. He loaded up a syringe with anesthetic and injected in multiple places, explaining that he was doing this to achieve digital blocking (that is, numbing the entire digit, namely the toe).
After it was done they left the nurse to bandage my son up, and he said, "Dad? What did he mean by digital blocking?"
"Well, when you weren't looking he hooked your toe up to a USB port and downloaded some MP3s into it. If you hold your foot close to your ear you can hear "Laaaaa, aaaaa aa aaaaah, close to you.""
The nurse stared at me and turned to my son. "Is he always like this?"
He silently nodded, looking at the floor...
We were doing a lab using diesel engines.
"Once the fuel rack has been opened, the amount of fuel injected should be sufficient to keep the engine running under its own steam. Or even diesel."
He and the other prof then just start giggling.
Have you heard about Yorkshire Police finding teenagers injecting ecstasy into just above their teeth?
It's called 'Ee-by-gum'.
We were discussing the experimentation of the early 1900s on rats, and how a certain scientist would grind up cow ovaries and inject them into mice and they would subsequently die.
The professor made a point to say that the mice reacted badly to the experimentation (Read: they died every time.)
I had to do it.
"So, I suppose you could say they had a cow?"
Mom: All these Hollywood people inject drugs in their butt to make them bigger.
Dad: What buttocks ?
Kicked out of the petting zoo :(
He took the Lord's name in vein.
Credit: Cyanide and Happiness
