I threw some pills and accidentally broke one of my windows.

I didn’t realize they were pane killers.

πŸ‘︎ 82
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Pills for the bull

I recently spent $46,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth.

Anyhow, I had the Vet come and have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day. The bull started to service the cows within two days, all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor's cows! He's like a machine!

I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him ...but they kind of taste like peppermint.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tfowler11
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Whoever stole my anti depressant pill

I hope your fucking happy

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TMM_Jelly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Went to pop a couple anti-inflammatory pills while getting ready for work and wife asks which brand I wanted

I said, β€œI’m taking Advil before Aleeve”

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PaladinDanza
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Guy takes a pill

He says "that's good shit"

Buddy says "that's an oxy, moron"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WalterNewton
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone broke into my house and stole my anti depression pills

I hope they're happy

πŸ‘︎ 129
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tjeters
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My Dr said I have to take these pills the rest of my life.

I said but the box says enough for 2 weeks?

The dr said.. that’s right.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mycorona69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My doctor recently prescribed me some anti-gravity pills for my depression.

They have been extremely up lifting.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Orrboy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
They have a new birth control pill for men that's the size of a small pebble.

You put it in your shoe and it makes you limp.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notagoodspelller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
🚨︎ report
This morning I made my hamster an extra strong espresso coffee and crushed some caffeine pills up in his food.

I'd hate for him to fall asleep at the wheel.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Mary Pill Poppins Pharmaceutical just created a miracle drug that can cure any human of any disease. It's effectiveness is renowned while it's side effects are surprisingly minimal: thick layer of skin develops on the lips while rendering them dry, cracked and quite odorous.

Patients effected by this claim it's super callused fragile lips that smell like halitosis

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ramzert
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Wife: here’s some pills, they’re vitamins, you’ll feel better when you take them.

Me: {takes pills}

Also me: I don’t feel any better.

Wife: {rolls her eyes}

PS: this happened at dinner tonight

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mastertexan1
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me she was sick and was going to take some cold pills

I asked her if she wanted me to warm them up first

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AtG68
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I ran out of anxiety pills...

But I'm kinda scared to tell anyone.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ldawgydog
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did he come home looking depressed after the doctor said he needed to take a pill everyday for the rest of his life?

The Doctor only gave him 4!...

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dartis_X-UI
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I want to create a birth control pill that you take just before sex. The pill could even be mint flavored.

I’ll call them pre dick a-mints

πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Men, Science has developed a morning after pill for us, for any potential unplanned babies.

It instantly changes your blood type ...

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tr8orst8x3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Found below an image of estrogen pills. Wow.
πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EchoSergal
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Someone threw a giant bottle of omega-3 pills at me reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jamesallen1977
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend developed a pill that gives you amnesia, and I was stupid enough to take it.

I don’t know what I was thinking.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
They're developing a pill for premature ejaculation.

It's not out yet, but it's coming soon.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GreatWhiteSnark82
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a broke pill popper?

A pill pauper

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me.

Luckily my injury’s were only super fish oil.

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HoshForce
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter dropped her pill and it landed on my foot

I said "don't worry hun, you're a foot closer to taking it"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I was up all night crying instead of sleeping. It seems I took a weeping pill by accident.
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shagminer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Eating a cyanide pill is the last thing I'd do.
πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Arklaw
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
🚨︎ report
I need some anti-depresso pills after this one
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kerry_die
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
🚨︎ report
I had a strange dream that a pill turned me into a cat.

It gave me pause.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vaxis2113
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife had two crowns put on her teeth yesterday. She was complaining about the pain and the dentist gave her some medication for it. We are talking later and she said that she waited too long between the first and second pill and her teeth started to ache again. I asked her what time that was.

She said she didn't remember.

I asked her if it was around tooth hurty!

She got mad and hit me in the arm and stopped talking to me for a while.

Totally worth it.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blackdragon8577
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Gave my friend a fake pill to help alleviate pain

Did it work? Placebo-ly

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Darkhemispheres
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
🚨︎ report
To the person who stole my weight loss pills........

You'll have nothing to gain.

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Godzilla_KOM
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2018
🚨︎ report
What pills do eyes take?

Pu-pills

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/quineas
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Everyone said the pill that I synthesized tastes bad, but I didn't believe them

So they gave me a taste of my own medicine

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SauceMaster6464
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
🚨︎ report
I took a pill in bed last night, but it hurt to swallow.

It was a pill-ow.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MightyOtaku
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
🚨︎ report
I've started taking placebo pills for my health problems...

I think they're working.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nurdy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2017
🚨︎ report
My brother overdosed on placebo pills

He now thinks he's dead.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OxydatedMoron
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Took a sleeping pill and was able to write just as well with both hands...

...now I'm Ambiendextrous!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sweetxpeanut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Thanks to cod-liver pills my son is a genius at painting and computing.

He’s got arty-fish-oil intelligence.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a guy selling sleeping pills in the desert?

Mr. Sandman

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoutgut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did most of the Osbournes have a addiction to pills and alcohol except ozzy's wife ?

Cause they didn't feel like sharon!

πŸ‘︎ 84
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rad_Reddit_Rando
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2014
🚨︎ report
Someone just threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at me!

Luckily, my injuries were only Super Fish Oil.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Emmajhtr
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Someone just threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at me!

Luckily, my injuries were only Super Fish Oil.

πŸ‘︎ 94
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/neoblog
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2017
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.