Somebody threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at my head.

It's OK though as my injuries are only super fish oil.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
🚨︎ report
I took 2 aspirin pills yesterday and I ran away from my kids

Because I read the label and it said to keep away form children

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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My cat got sick, so I had to give it some pills. To make my life easier, I wrapped it up in ham.

When it couldn’t run away I could jam the pills in no problem.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sireldo
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
🚨︎ report
On my pill bottle it says, "Take I pill daily and keep away from children."

Why!! What happens to children after I've taken my pill ?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
🚨︎ report
An old guy goes to the chemist and asks the pharmacist, "Is there some pills that can help with sex?" The pharmacist says, "Yes, Viagra, it's awesome, I take it myself" The old guy asks, "Can you get it over the counter?" Pharmacist replies, "If I took 2 or 3, probably."
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/M_Arslan_Tahir
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Which tenor took his sugar pills every Sunday?

Placebo Domingo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hero_of_Thyme81
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
🚨︎ report
I just took a pill that makes you defy gravity

Hell of a comedown.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaronVonMilk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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Dr.Pill
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crabguy23
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I threw some pills and accidentally broke one of my windows.

I didn’t realize they were pane killers.

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A lad asks his granny, "Have you seen my pills, they were labelled L.S.D.?"

Granny replied, "Never mind the pills. Have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally swallowed the cat’s pill.

Don’t ask me-ow.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoodChadAndUgly
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My ADHD medicine comes in a case shaped like a 3-sided polygon where each side is the same size, and the pills are distributed uniformly.

It's an equal Adderall triangle.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Pills for the bull

I recently spent $46,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth.

Anyhow, I had the Vet come and have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day. The bull started to service the cows within two days, all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor's cows! He's like a machine!

I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him ...but they kind of taste like peppermint.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfowler11
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Went to pop a couple anti-inflammatory pills while getting ready for work and wife asks which brand I wanted

I said, β€œI’m taking Advil before Aleeve”

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaladinDanza
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Whoever stole my anti depressant pill

I hope your fucking happy

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TMM_Jelly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone broke into my house and stole my anti depression pills

I hope they're happy

πŸ‘︎ 126
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tjeters
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Guy takes a pill

He says "that's good shit"

Buddy says "that's an oxy, moron"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WalterNewton
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My doctor recently prescribed me some anti-gravity pills for my depression.

They have been extremely up lifting.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Orrboy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My Dr said I have to take these pills the rest of my life.

I said but the box says enough for 2 weeks?

The dr said.. that’s right.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mycorona69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
They have a new birth control pill for men that's the size of a small pebble.

You put it in your shoe and it makes you limp.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notagoodspelller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me she was sick and was going to take some cold pills

I asked her if she wanted me to warm them up first

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AtG68
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
🚨︎ report
This morning I made my hamster an extra strong espresso coffee and crushed some caffeine pills up in his food.

I'd hate for him to fall asleep at the wheel.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Mary Pill Poppins Pharmaceutical just created a miracle drug that can cure any human of any disease. It's effectiveness is renowned while it's side effects are surprisingly minimal: thick layer of skin develops on the lips while rendering them dry, cracked and quite odorous.

Patients effected by this claim it's super callused fragile lips that smell like halitosis

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ramzert
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Wife: here’s some pills, they’re vitamins, you’ll feel better when you take them.

Me: {takes pills}

Also me: I don’t feel any better.

Wife: {rolls her eyes}

PS: this happened at dinner tonight

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mastertexan1
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I want to create a birth control pill that you take just before sex. The pill could even be mint flavored.

I’ll call them pre dick a-mints

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I ran out of anxiety pills...

But I'm kinda scared to tell anyone.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ldawgydog
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Found below an image of estrogen pills. Wow.
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EchoSergal
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did he come home looking depressed after the doctor said he needed to take a pill everyday for the rest of his life?

The Doctor only gave him 4!...

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dartis_X-UI
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Men, Science has developed a morning after pill for us, for any potential unplanned babies.

It instantly changes your blood type ...

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tr8orst8x3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend developed a pill that gives you amnesia, and I was stupid enough to take it.

I don’t know what I was thinking.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
They're developing a pill for premature ejaculation.

It's not out yet, but it's coming soon.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreatWhiteSnark82
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Eating a cyanide pill is the last thing I'd do.
πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arklaw
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
🚨︎ report
I need some anti-depresso pills after this one
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kerry_die
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a broke pill popper?

A pill pauper

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter dropped her pill and it landed on my foot

I said "don't worry hun, you're a foot closer to taking it"

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I was up all night crying instead of sleeping. It seems I took a weeping pill by accident.
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shagminer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a strange dream that a pill turned me into a cat.

It gave me pause.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vaxis2113
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife had two crowns put on her teeth yesterday. She was complaining about the pain and the dentist gave her some medication for it. We are talking later and she said that she waited too long between the first and second pill and her teeth started to ache again. I asked her what time that was.

She said she didn't remember.

I asked her if it was around tooth hurty!

She got mad and hit me in the arm and stopped talking to me for a while.

Totally worth it.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blackdragon8577
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
🚨︎ report
To the person who stole my weight loss pills........

You'll have nothing to gain.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Godzilla_KOM
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Gave my friend a fake pill to help alleviate pain

Did it work? Placebo-ly

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Darkhemispheres
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I was prescribed a pill but couldn't take it.The lid was impossible to get off.

I tried and tried but to no avail.You might have heard of it ...TRY-OPEN-EN

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Everyone said the pill that I synthesized tastes bad, but I didn't believe them

So they gave me a taste of my own medicine

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SauceMaster6464
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil

πŸ‘︎ 555
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Yesterday someone hit me with a bottle of Omega-3 pills

Luckily, my wounds were only super fish oil

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me.

Luckily my injury’s were only super fish oil.

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HoshForce
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Someone just threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at me!

Luckily, my injuries were only Super Fish Oil.

πŸ‘︎ 97
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πŸ‘€︎ u/neoblog
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2017
🚨︎ report
Someone just threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at me!

Luckily, my injuries were only Super Fish Oil.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Emmajhtr
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2018
🚨︎ report

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