I was up all night crying instead of sleeping. It seems I took a weeping pill by accident.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shagminer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
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Took a sleeping pill and was able to write just as well with both hands...

...now I'm Ambiendextrous!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sweetxpeanut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2018
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What do you call a guy selling sleeping pills in the desert?

Mr. Sandman

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoutgut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
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You have to be very quiet at a pharmacy.

Otherwise, you'll wake up the sleeping pills.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/type3civilization
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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It took scientists 15 tries to create the perfect sleep aid. Attempts A-N had no effect..

But they concluded a Pill-O helped everyone sleep better

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dothemagic
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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I dare you to read this

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, β€œConstipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said β€œNo, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.

My friend told me, β€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, β€œYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. β€œTaken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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It took scientists 15 tries to create the perfect sleep aid. Attempts A-N had no effect..

But a Pill-O helped everyone sleep better.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dothemagic
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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Why did the little boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?

Because he heard there were sleeping pills in there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/leftonasournote
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
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Try not to make noise by the medicine cabinet.

You might wake the sleeping pills.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/big_macaroons
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
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be quiet inside a pharmacy...

you might wake the sleeping pills

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2017
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Why did the moron tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?

He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Castamundo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2015
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