A friend of mine is quite well known for sweeping girls off their feet.

Heโ€™s an extremely aggressive janitor.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 18 2021
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โ€œSweeping Beautyโ€
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/RelentlessFP
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 12 2021
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A new disease is sweeping the world. It's a type of nostril infection, very costly to test for

But one man, born with extra sensitive smelling, has been providing free exams to the public to eradicate this new threat. Dr. Theodore Nose of UCH Hospital has a long line of patients waiting every morning, wanting the incredible accuracy of this man.

And as his secretary says...

No one's nose knows noses like Nose's nose knows noses.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/TheRichTookItAll
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 03 2021
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Did you hear about the Dad joke sweeping the globe?

Its called the Groaner virus

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 51
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/byte_marx
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 21 2020
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I had a really good job at the park sweeping leaves,

I was just raking it in!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 17
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/The_good_one877
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 09 2020
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I donโ€™t like to make sweeping generalizations

Theyโ€™re almost never true.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/bmodes
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 27 2020
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I don't mean to make sweeping generalizations...

...but all brooms are pretty much the same.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 696
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/fatandsalt
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 27 2018
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As I was sweeping the kitchen this morning I told my son not to forget his lunch

OK Broomer!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 9
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/tjmaxal
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 16 2020
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My dad gave advice for sweeping a girl off her feet

Use a very large broom

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 10
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/AntidoteYYMBR
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 04 2018
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I saw a headline that stated "Navy proposes sweeping changes after collision."

My immediate response was "What good will new brooms do?"

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Calthropstu
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 02 2017
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One way to sweep it under the rug
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 28
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/RogueDisciple
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 03 2021
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My wife was trying decide between sweep rowing [4 or 8 rowers, one oar each] and sculling [one rower, two oars].

I told her she had to choose one oar the other.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 12
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/M4sterofD1saster
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 08 2021
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My girlfriend told me, โ€œI donโ€™t think Iโ€™ve ever seen you sweep or mop in my life.โ€

I said, โ€œFloors are beneath me.โ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 66
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 15 2020
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And she calls it "This Land"

Having a bit of a discipline issue with my daughter... she'll bring a pile of sand inside and make what she calls her "land". It's sand arranged in a flattish layer, with toy animals and her lego house (Friends^TM , why she no like diggers and helicopters and whatever, why she gotta be so girly??). She doesn't like getting her hand dirty while she's doing it, wears a glove to keep clean, so you'd think she could understand the concept that I don't like the floor getting dirty... but no, she doesn't give a shit.

Had her third birthday party recently, and gave her a Skye (Paw Patrol) plushy, she loves it. Because it's her newest and most favourite toy in the whole world, and because it was for her birthday, we can't confiscate it no matter what.

Very next day, she makes her land again, Skye's there at the side - she's too big to sit in the middle, it would dominate all the plastic dinosaurs and lego Friends people (not the usual mini-figs, they're a bit more anatomically correct, anyway that's not important right now). So I'm all angry and "why you keep doing this", take the glove off her and sweep up the sand. Put her in the time out cage for a bit. Well, we call it the cage, it's just a cupboard under the stairs which is a bit shorter than her so she has to sit there if she doesn't want to bump her head. Throw her in there for one minute per year of age, is the standard procedure.

Anyway, as we close the door she starts singing...

Take my glove

Take my land

Take me where I cannot stand

I don't care

I'm still three

You can't take this Skye from me

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 12
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/cman_yall
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 25 2021
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
What do you call the guys who sweep up after a wedding?

The Broomsmen

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/kdog5723
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 06 2020
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Sweeps
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 9
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/LightSaberBatman
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 12 2020
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When you and the boys are about to sweep her off her feet
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 11
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/randomguy2388
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 15 2020
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What do you call a goat that sweeps a woman off her feet?

A Flattering Ram

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/cracksniffer666
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 13 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didnโ€™t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit โžก

show more
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 19
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/communist_scumbag
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 26 2020
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Why was the broom late?

It overswept!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 14
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Bakedschwarzenbach
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 25 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
My wife growled accusingly, โ€œIโ€™ve never seen you sweep or use the vacuum in my life!โ€

I retorted, โ€œFloors are beneath me!"

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 11
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 20 2019
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Iโ€™m developing a comic series, and I need a short pun as the title.

This is about a school janitor who murders children at the school he works at, and Iโ€™m looking for either a pun about cleaning or a pun that can somehow tie in murder/violence with cleaning in some way. Strange request, I know.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/meticulouslycrafted
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 22 2020
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How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the frying pan?

You take away its tiny little broom!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/derawin07
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 08 2018
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
What do guitarists and cleaners have in common?

Theyโ€™re both good at sweeping

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/StAnger99
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 20 2020
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My son and his co-worker are janitors who moved in together.

Theyโ€™re broommates who sweep together.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/andersonfmly
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 07 2020
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When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. Somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me...

Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.

I was gone only a minute and when I came out, I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a slight limp...

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 30
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 03 2020
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You'd think politicians have bigger issues to tackle than housework and cleanliness.

Yet they often call for sweeping reforms.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/sordidnoose
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 24 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
My wife claims that vacuum cleaners are always better for cleaning than a brush.

I said, โ€œThatโ€™s a sweeping generalization.โ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 22 2020
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Mom read the headline "Last man found in drug sweep"

Dad: Do they find a lot of drugs by sweeping? Imagine how much they'd get if they vacuumed!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 12
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/metroidfan220
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 25 2014
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I just saw my friend sweeping a woman off her feet.

He is a really aggressive janitor.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 246
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 06 2018
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I just saw a friend of mine sweep a girl off her feet.

Heโ€™s quite an aggressive janitor.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 01 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I just saw my friend sweep a girl off her feet.

Heโ€™s a really aggressive janitor.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 51
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 29 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
My wife told me, โ€œI donโ€™t think Iโ€™ve ever seen you mop or sweep in my life!โ€

Me: Floors are beneath me.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 237
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 18 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
My wife told me, โ€œI donโ€™t think Iโ€™ve ever seen you mop or sweep in my life!โ€

Me: โ€œFloors are beneath me.โ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 12
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/AustralianGroan
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 19 2020
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Her: I donโ€™t think I ever seen you sweep or mop in my life!

Me: Floors are beneath me.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 28 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

Go to sweep, dear.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 19
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/jigsatics
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 19 2021
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didnโ€™t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit โžก

show more
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/HornyBastard37484739
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 26 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
There's a new type of broom out

Its sweeping the nation and the competition

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 16
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/The_Russell_Pinto
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 03 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
My wife: Why donโ€™t I ever seen you mop, vacuum, or sweep?

Me: I think floors are beneath me.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 26
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 11 2018
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out

itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 13
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/lolyfe-dc
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 06 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Have you heard about the new broom?

It's sweeping the world.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Nikwr
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 05 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Did you hear about the janitor who became president?

He wanted to make sweeping changes.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/wimple007
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 19 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
A consultant came in to analyse my business the other day...

He said "sweeping changes had to be made".

The Janitor is not happy

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ArseRobot
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 21 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Have you seen that new broom?

Itโ€™s Sweeping the nation!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/AJ-Naka-Zayn-Owens
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 08 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

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