My girlfriend told me, β€œI don’t think I’ve ever seen you sweep or mop in my life.”

I said, β€œFloors are beneath me.”

πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call the guys who sweep up after a wedding?

The Broomsmen

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kdog5723
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I just saw a friend of mine sweep a girl off her feet.

He’s quite an aggressive janitor.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Sweeps
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LightSaberBatman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a goat that sweeps a woman off her feet?

A Flattering Ram

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cracksniffer666
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
When you and the boys are about to sweep her off her feet
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/randomguy2388
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife growled accusingly, β€œI’ve never seen you sweep or use the vacuum in my life!”

I retorted, β€œFloors are beneath me!"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Mom read the headline "Last man found in drug sweep"

Dad: Do they find a lot of drugs by sweeping? Imagine how much they'd get if they vacuumed!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/metroidfan220
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2014
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Dad joke sweeping the globe?

Its called the Groaner virus

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/byte_marx
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

Go to sweep, dear.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
I had a really good job at the park sweeping leaves,

I was just raking it in!

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_good_one877
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I don’t like to make sweeping generalizations

They’re almost never true.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bmodes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
As I was sweeping the kitchen this morning I told my son not to forget his lunch

OK Broomer!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tjmaxal
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the broom late?

It overswept!

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My son and his co-worker are janitors who moved in together.

They’re broommates who sweep together.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. Somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me...

Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.

I was gone only a minute and when I came out, I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a slight limp...

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What do guitarists and cleaners have in common?

They’re both good at sweeping

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StAnger99
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
You'd think politicians have bigger issues to tackle than housework and cleanliness.

Yet they often call for sweeping reforms.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sordidnoose
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife claims that vacuum cleaners are always better for cleaning than a brush.

I said, β€œThat’s a sweeping generalization.”

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m developing a comic series, and I need a short pun as the title.

This is about a school janitor who murders children at the school he works at, and I’m looking for either a pun about cleaning or a pun that can somehow tie in murder/violence with cleaning in some way. Strange request, I know.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
🚨︎ report
So my 8 year old dad joked his mum...

My wife: hey (son's name) I need to sweep the floor, can you please bring me the broom?

My son: OK broomer!

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GrumpyDingo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend is a custodian at the grocery store.

Every night he plays supermarket sweep.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a headline that stated "Navy proposes sweeping changes after collision."

My immediate response was "What good will new brooms do?"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2017
🚨︎ report
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the frying pan?

You take away its tiny little broom!

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/derawin07
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the announcement from the Janitors' Union?

They proposed some sweeping changes.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kmh4321
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Her: Obviously, everyone prefers to use a vacuum cleaner to a brush.

Me: Isn’t that.....a sweeping generalization?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My company just hired a new janitor.

We're expecting sweeping changes across the organization.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SoNotCool
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I need more soap puns!

Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.

(I do need some for a job interview though, I want this interview to be a clean sweep)

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SgtWings
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I just saw my friend sweep a girl off her feet.

He’s a really aggressive janitor.

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me, β€œI don’t think I’ve ever seen you mop or sweep in my life!”

Me: Floors are beneath me.

πŸ‘︎ 231
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife told me, β€œI don’t think I’ve ever seen you mop or sweep in my life!”

Me: β€œFloors are beneath me.”

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Her: I don’t think I ever seen you sweep or mop in my life!

Me: Floors are beneath me.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife: Why don’t I ever seen you mop, vacuum, or sweep?

Me: I think floors are beneath me.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2018
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
There's a new type of broom out

Its sweeping the nation and the competition

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Russell_Pinto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
There’s a new type of broom out

it’s sweeping the nation.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't mean to make sweeping generalizations...

...but all brooms are pretty much the same.

πŸ‘︎ 694
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fatandsalt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
🚨︎ report
I just saw my friend sweeping a woman off her feet.

He is a really aggressive janitor.

πŸ‘︎ 243
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad gave advice for sweeping a girl off her feet

Use a very large broom

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AntidoteYYMBR
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the new broom?

It's sweeping the world.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nikwr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
A consultant came in to analyse my business the other day...

He said "sweeping changes had to be made".

The Janitor is not happy

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ArseRobot
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the janitor who became president?

He wanted to make sweeping changes.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wimple007
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you seen that new broom?

It’s Sweeping the nation!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 79
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the broom late to work?

It overswept

πŸ‘︎ 142
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/prunedada
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
🚨︎ report

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