"Are you chewing gum?" the teacher asked the student.
"Do I look like chewing gum to you?" the student replied.
A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
What did the teacher say to the student who got all A’s?
Wow you’re really honor roll!
I'm a teacher and every day I write a Dad Joke from this sub on the board. Today a student said this to me... I was about to go off... before I got the Dad Joke.
Student: "Sir, someone nutted on the floor!"
Me: *Begins to get angry* *Turns around... there's a hex nut on the floor*
Me: "Well played."
When the school teacher asked the student what was ET's favorite movie, he replied....
Once a teacher asked a jamaican student to use "Dandelion" in a sentence
The student replied, "The cheetah is faster Dandelion"
Why did the student throw a 64 pack of Crayola crayons at his art teacher after he was done with his test?
He wanted to pass with flying colors.
I thought of that myself.
Teacher asked “What is the formula of water?” Student said “H I J K L M N O” teacher said “that’s not the formula of water”
Student said “you said the formula was H to O”.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
What do you call an IT teacher who has an inappropriate relationship with a student?
My kid’s chemistry teacher was arrested in class yesterday. He was pouring out teaspoons of sodium chloride for each student, but because the class was rowdy, he kept losing his place and having to start over.
The police charged him with multiple counts of a salt.
Student: Can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: It’s may.
Student: No, it’s January
Anakin was a bad student. Never paid attention in class, never took any tests seriously. All his teachers were angry with him. Teacher Obi-Wan was specially worried when he had to say,
"I have failed you, Anakin. I have failed you."
I got mad when my teacher told me I was an average student.
It was just a mean thing to say.
What did the student say to the geography teacher
The teacher asked the student about the progress on the Microsoft Office course.
The student responded: 'thank you for asking, i'm doing excellent.'
What did the canadian student say when his japanese teacher came to school wearing cologne?
A Teacher asked his student How many runs can a ball get you in cricket...?
In a Student v.s. Teacher competition
What did the blind teacher say the bad student?
"Great, now I have 3 useless pupils.”
I remember, when i was a teacher, a student came up and said 'hello teacher, tell me what's my lesson?'
I just looked right through him. Mad world innit.
What did the teacher say to the bad student?
“If you keep that up you’ll be out-standing”
My math teacher said that I'm a terrible student
How mean! If I had to sum it up, I would say that’s not the best mode to say that to me. Maybe they should try to factor in the student’s feelings when telling them they need to tell them they need to fix their grade. I told them to factor that in next time, but they just couldn’t see my logic.
What did the German math teacher say to the student that got a question wrong?
Student: What’s infinity? Math Teacher: Think of a number. Student: Okay, I’ve got one.
Math Teacher: Good! That's not it
What did the inflatable teacher say at the inflatable school, to the inflatable student who was holding a pin?
You let me down, you let the school down, you let your friends down but most importantly, you let yourself down.
What did the student say when his teacher asked him to use geometry in a sentence?
A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said "Gee, I'm a tree".
A teacher told a student that no two people see color in the exact same way.
The student then asked...Does this mean that color is a pigment of your imagination?
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
Why was the drum teacher mad at his student?
If a non-college teacher has sexual relations with a student, then they pursued a minor in education.
The gift my calculus teacher gives to each student every year
Why was the tennis teacher mad at his student?
He caught him raising a racket.
Did you hear about the gym teacher who's fled the uk after allegedly having 'relations' with one of his student?
Police say he's done a runner.
Did you hear about the teacher who carelessly assigned every student a good grade, regardless of their actual work?
A teacher is grading final exams. As soon as he grades the last paper, he starts sobbing. A student asks him what's wrong and the teacher says,
"I have failed all of you as a teacher."
A student once asked me (teacher here) if there was a curve on the test before I handed them out...
I picked up the stack, bent it back and forth, and told the poor class that it appears there is indeed a big curve.
My friend works as a teacher. She lost her cool with one of the students, so later on the student gave her this... She gave her back her cool...
http://i.imgur.com/nopDbpw.jpg
I was in class and another student told our teacher about how a lightning strike killed over a dozen cows grouped together during a thunderstorm.
My response "I bet his calves were sore after that one"
teacher and the brilliant student
Teacher asked the students to tell the importance of the year 1809.
John stand up and said “Abraham Lincoln was born”
Then teacher again asked the students to tell the importance of another year 1819
Then Sam suddenly stand up and said “Abraham Lincoln was ten years old”!
Once the student now the teacher
Me: Hey pops I thought you were going to see your girlfriend Ann this weekend?
Dad: No not anymore
Me: So you're saying she cANNcled?
I'm a teacher, dad joked a student
As I was handing out some cards for the lesson, a student hid them up his sleave claiming he was good at magic.
'I'm pretty good at magic' I replied. 'If you don't put those back, I can make your lunch time disappear.'
WOOOSH
Joke my teacher used to say when yelling at a student: "You're outstanding."
"Now you're out standing in the principal's office."
The student surpasses the teacher
I have an autistic student who doesn't pick up on sarcasm, social cues and the like.
We were painting paper mache volcanoes that we made. Another staff member says "Don't put too much paint on because it will run."
Without missing a beat the student asks (in a serious manner) "How can it run if it doesn't have legs?"
My Spainish teacher owned this lazy student.
Lazy student: blurts out Mrs. Castillo can you teach us how to say bad words in spainsh?
Mrs. Castillo: It's palabras malas (the literal translation of bad words)
My teacher asked if a student was out any days in January
I responded "No, he was joeseph ever day in January! "
My teacher isn't too fond of me.
My statistics teacher told me I was an average student
Student: What’s infinity? Math Teacher: Think of a number.
Student: Okay, I’ve got one.
Teacher: Good. That’s not it.
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