Discussing Power Circuit Sizing with my Boss...
Boss: 50 HP? That's a lot of amperage. We might want to install the larger circuit in the first place.
Me: So then, should I call the electrician and run the future current past them?
So yall know how people used wooden dentures in the 19th century? I wonder if women ever tried or thought of using the same idea to increase boob size.
That would be something, now wooden tit?
I was at the store with my wife picking out a turkey and she seemed unimpressed by the size. She asked "do they get any bigger?"
I looked her in the eyes and replied "no honey, they're dead."
The car dealership in my town just doubled its size.
Now it can offer a whole lot more.
My kid wanted to talk to ghosts; we found three guys willing to intervene. One was very tall, one was very short and the other was mid-sized.
I chose the 3rd guy as he was the medium.
Have you heard of the new travel sized chocolate truffles?
Pocket Lindts...
Credit: Twitter
A guy told me the size of my heart matters more than my physical size.
Good thing I went to the cardiologist before the gym.
I saw a drunk dude riding in a boat on the chests of four women with average bust size, one of whom had a single mastectomy.
He was sailing on the seven C’s
A man who had just died was delivered to the mortuary wearing a beautiful black suit.
The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says “I don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, “whatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says “there’s no charge.” Shocked she replies “no really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” “Honestly ma’am”, the mortician says, “it costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”
My ADHD medicine comes in a case shaped like a 3-sided polygon where each side is the same size, and the pills are distributed uniformly.
It's an equal Adderall triangle.
Are people with the same shoe size called sole mates?
Loofahs comes in 4 different sizes...
Small, Medium, Large and Vandross.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Son: There's a life-sized "Leg lamp" at the light display! It's like 4 feet tall!
Me: No, it's only one foot.
Today I learned that if a canoe turns upside down in the water, you can safely wear it on your head.
Ive invented a product that increases the size of your basement...
I hope it is a big cellar.
I got into trouble at the park today - people told me to stop arranging the squirrels in order of height
I guess they were critter-sizing me
What do you call the biggest size of soup you can order in restaurants?
To all the women out there who say size doesn’t matter:
You are all extremely shallow
I just got thrown out of my local park for arranging the squirrels by height.
They didn’t like my critter sizing.
Is my wife dissatisfied with my body?
A tiny part of me says yes.
My friend is annoyed because his dog keeps trying to pick fights with dogs five times his size.
I told him he shouldn’t have adopted that Cocky Spaniel.
Did you hear about the monster-sized piece of cheese destroying the city?
I hate being average sized
My shirts always try to contact ghosts
LPT: If you don't want to buy sandwiches to your co-workers, just buy them with mistakes: Other kind of bread, other size...
What size shoes does a bear wear?
He wouldn't wear shoes. He's got bare feet.
Fortune tellers only come in one size
My daughter was so amazed at the size of her moms woman toes.
I offered to show her my mentos.
What size of bed did Freddie Mercury sleep in?
They only had size of shirt available at the psychic convention.
Turns out they're mediums.
My wife was just trying to convince me to spend $1k on a new king size bed...
...I told her I’d have to sleep on it.
My wife tried to help me and washed my bear costume in hot water. It shrunk outa my size!
Dewey's doctor has been keeping track of all of his moles. The location and size of them. He's so thorough that he measures them all the way down to tenths.
He called it the Dewey deci-mole system..
I bought a sail for my boat on Amazon the other day.
Today it dawned on me that it's not the right size so I called to cancel. They said it's too late.
That sail has shipped.
Starbucks should release their own brand of facemasks, they could call them...
What tree has fruits of all shapes and sizes
What do you call plus sized bees?
There has been some good news today as a plus-size clairvoyant announces they are releasing a charity calendar, with pictures of them in their underwear.
Fans of the psychic say that they are looking forward to seeing a large medium in smalls.
Physicians work alone, or in mid-sized teams
because two of them together would be a paradox.
They have a new birth control pill for men that's the size of a small pebble.
You put it in your shoe and it makes you limp.
I also knew someonewho felt morally obligated to drive an economy sized Honda
She felt it was her Civic duty
Upon delevery
So I'm proud to say I made my first dad joke not even 5 min after my son way born.
After he came out, the doctor weighed my son. Doctor said "wow look at the size of those hands!".
Which I had to reply instantly " you know what they say about babys with big hands eh?!?" .... "big gloves" !!
To whole room cracked up and my women just sighed and said. "Really.."
My buddy John gave his size 13 boots to his little brother, Phil. Problem is, Phil wears size 9.
John left large shoes to Phil.
Before Pterodactyls evolved, dinosaurs could only process information in Pgigadactyls
I got kicked out of the park for lining squirrels up by height...
They said I was too critter-sizing
I got thrown out of my local park after arranging the squirrels by height.....
They didn’t like me critter sizing.
What did they say about the couple who had the same shoe size?
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
