Shipping Puns

No one ever addresses the elephant in the room.

Now I can't read it.

...selling fridges?

Still made it to my door.

They are both quality control managers and are instructed to check on the product before leaving.

They go below deck and open on of the boxes, and inside are hundreds of potatoes. One of them picks one up and notices that it’s a very odd shape for a potato. He picks up another and is also perplexed by its peculiarity.

He picks up a third and realizes that they are all shaped like penises. He says to his friend “I don’t think we can work on this ship with all these penis potatoes.”

So they go up to the captains quarters to quit. When they arrive they say “Captain, we cant work on this ship. We would like to get off.”

He looks them in the eye and says, “I’m sorry gentlemen. This isn’t a democracy. It’s a dictatorship.”

—

Originally read on r/jokes , but reworded for brevity.

A young man comes up with a great idea for a new shipping method. He designs everything himself, hires people to create models, and deduces that he can use old fashioned boating technology to increase shipping speeds by up to 350%. This is obviously a great innovation, so he calls up a former Business professor from college and gets into contact with a manufacturer. The manufacturer makes the man come in and present his design to the board of directors, so they schedule a meeting in two weeks.

At the meeting, the board is blown away. The man’s charisma, design, and equations all point to a massive innovation in shipping. The company is poised to make a huge profit. Construction starts immediately.

On his flight back, the man happens to sits next to his old buddy from high school, Jimmy. Jimmy tells the man that he has just blown the farming world wide open. His new GMO potato produces five times as much energy and has been the talk of the world. Jimmy says that all the news outlets have been reporting potatoes to be the next big superfood, and his design is poised to make him millions, if not billions of dollars. Jimmy pitches the man for the entire plane ride, and convinced him. They hop on the next flight back to visit the board of directors once again. The board is shocked. Both ideas stand to make billions of dollars for the company, but there is one slight problem.

The CEO says to the man, “we know you have these two ideas. However, we can only allocate enough resources to make one of them profitable. I recommend you take some time off and really decide which of these ideas you want our company to produce. We can schedule a meeting in a few weeks if that works for you.”

The man says right back to the CEO, “I’m going to take a walk and clear my head. This is a big decision” and walks right out of the room.

Not even five seconds later the man comes back into the room and says “I’ve made my decision. Let’s go with the shipping method.” This shocks the CEO, who says “are you sure?? This is a billion dollar decision and you only took five seconds to think about it.”

The man looks back at him and says “well, in this business time is money— so I decided to make my decision schooner rather than tater”

Through Amazon Primate!

Isn’t it considered next year shipping?

Hollandaise Sauce!

Because they lived in a land before Prime.

It's all in the delivery.

Subscribe to Amazon Primate.

It's called UPS-edaisy

And as we were cleaning up last night one of my coworkers hollers from across the room about a package.

"Hey! What's that box?"

"Well it looks like cardboard to me..."

I couldn't hear the groan but how she stomped over to read the destination was satisfying.

Every time a large shipment arrives at the house.. Dad: Did you hear FedEx and UPS are merging? Me: No I didn't... Dad: Yes, the are going to call themselves FedUp!

He will go on laughing about it for 10 minutes

You keeled my father. Prepare two die.

*I sent this to my brother and he replies: Was his name Inyougo?

^(What a freaking professional)

So when they get back to port, they can Scandinavian

It caused a title wave!

So they can just Scandinavian

Crew: I I Caprain.

It was Riveting

...It wanted captain crunch for breakfast.

My 12 year old daughter hit me with this one this morning.

The Bismarck

Michigan

Now they can Scandinavian!

Because they are π-rates.

Pirate replies, "Yar, been driving me nuts."

Boss: You mist the boat.

LAND HOE!!!

Never to be heard from again.

They put them there so they can scanthenavyin

“We lost a lot of doubloons.”

The poop deck.

With a grappling book

It’ll be full of pi-rates.

It’s riveting

It released the Quacken.

So the can scandinavian

Can’t take credit for this one. A client of mine told me this.

It's so when they all come to port they can Scandinavian.

I've used it before and it works. It's the perfect icebreaker.

What’s Kraken!!!!

"I don't know, bud, what?"

"Your legs."

Well done, kid.

The survivors were marooned.

All the sailors were marooned!

anchor management

Because they’re hauling booty

All Hans On Deck!

Because booty calls

27 times.

A woe-boat

Riveting

I can’t believe I ate the hull thing.

So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian

So when they come in they can Scandinavian.

So they can scandinavian.

Because it’s filled with π-rates.

So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian