What do you call a perfect submarine?

Sub-optimal.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bad-alloc
πŸ“…︎ May 28
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I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...

I was amidship man.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dog in a submarine?

A subwoofer.

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cauchemar89
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17
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BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard

whoops wrong sub

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeterPorky
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28
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Have you heard about Amazon’s plan to make intercontinental shipments using electric submarine drones?

They’re projecting a large increase in e-fish-in-sea.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HandCrimped
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThaurdoI
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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Bro, are you a submarine?

Because you're so gnar.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnEvilSunBro
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.

But I believe this sub's doing even better!

πŸ‘︎ 124
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Verbal_Ammo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines

They're subwoofers

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Intrepidity87
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I knew a submarine sailor who wasn't very talkative or energetic

He was a subdued sub dude.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
A car company tried to make a submarine, but it kept surfacing too quickley

The crew got the Mercedes-Bends

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmethystMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board

Whoops, wrong sub.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zekesnack
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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What color are military submarines?

Deep navy

πŸ‘︎ 108
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Keyseymoney
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
🚨︎ report
A submarine
πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
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I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.

They taught me periscoping techniques.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HouseofKannan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky

This much is plane to sea

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/link7934
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A navy recruit has his first day on a submarine

He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.

"Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope."

The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.

"Son I'm changing your postΒ to the mess hall. Go in there and start washing some dishes."

The recruit obeys, and heads to the mess hall. He's cleaned about 3 dishes when the officer walks up again.

"Listen here recruit, your new post is in the supply room. I need you to make sure everything is strapped down tight, in case of rough waters."

The recruit again follows orders, and heads off to the supply room. There, he sees a crewman, moving some boxes.

"Hey there," says the recruit. "is it normal to keep getting reassigned to new posts all day? I haven't kept one position for more than 15 minutes!"

The crewman says "Oh yeah- this sub is full of reposts."

πŸ‘︎ 88
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the submarine captain keep a barrel of potatoes in his room?

There was nothing in the world he loved more than eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Y2KoNo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy starts working at a submarine. In the first day he works as a cleaner, then helps at the kitchen. Next day he runs the ship. In the evening he’s absolutely exhausted so he asks his friend β€œWhy I have to change my position every time?”

He replies β€œI know, this sub is full of reposts”

πŸ‘︎ 228
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?

He’ll sink ye.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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Why isn't the submarine doing well in school.

He's below c-level

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
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Did you hear about the submarine industry?

It really took a dive...

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you sink a submarine full of fools?

You knock on the door.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarzan-loves-cats
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
🚨︎ report
β€ͺMy kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...‬

β€ͺI hope this will not surface again‬

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?

The Salvation Navy

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slartibartfastBB
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine

I'm under a lot of pressure

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/C4ptaincrunch20
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?

Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moniker5000
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried to make a wooden submarine.

It didn't go down so well.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
There are more planes under the oceans than there are submarines up in the skies. Let that sink in...
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kenhamef
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?

Because they keep calling it a dipship

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fat-bandit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
🚨︎ report
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?

It goes very deep

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Erikjb12
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I got fired from my job as a submarine pilot. :-(

I just don't get it. My performance reviews always said my work was sub-standard.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aphaelion
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the submarine driver lose his job

Old, racist tweets resurfaced

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boonicle12344
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
🚨︎ report
The librarian's office was on the A level. I asked for a book about submarines.

She told me to look below C level.

(oc)

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maraudershake
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2018
🚨︎ report
I needed more bass on my submarine, so I brought my dog with me.

He's a subwoofer.

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hitokirizac
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Why couldn’t the submarine commander get to the surface after joining Reddit?

He couldn’t get any up-boats

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
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Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?

It's the depth charges.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anksil
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2017
🚨︎ report
Why do people like movies about Submarines?

Because they have depth.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Corporatevakeel
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2017
🚨︎ report
BREAKING: Iran has struck its own submarine with an underwater torpedo in the Persian Gulf, killing all 350 aboard

Whoops wrong sub

πŸ‘︎ 80k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeterPorky
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
🚨︎ report
BREAKING: Iran has struck its own submarine with an underwater torpedo in the Persian Gulf, killing all 354 aboard

Whoops wrong sub

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hercules_ZH
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a canine on a submarine?

A subwoofer.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/imnosouperman
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A new Navy recruit has his first day on the submarine…

He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.

β€œGo stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope.”

The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.

β€œSon I’m changing your post to the mess hall. Go in there and start washing some dishes.”

The recruit obeys, and heads to the mess hall. He’s cleaned about 3 dishes when the officer walks up again.

β€œListen here recruit, your new post is in the supply room. I need you to make sure everything is strapped down tight, in case of rough waters.”

The recruit again follows orders, and heads off to the supply room. There, he sees a crewman, moving some boxes.

β€œHey there,” says the recruit. β€œis it normal to keep getting reassigned to new posts all day? I haven’t kept one position for more than 15 minutes!”

The crewman says β€œOh yeah- this sub is full of reposts.”

πŸ‘︎ 182
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report
A new Navy recruit has his first day on a submarine.... (apologies to u/buddybd)

He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.

"Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope."

The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.

"Son I'm changing your post to the mess hall. Go in there and start washing some dishes."

The recruit obeys, and heads to the mess hall. He's cleaned about 3 dishes when the officer walks up again.

"Listen here recruit, your new post is in the supply room. I need you to make sure everything is strapped down tight, in case of rough waters."

The recruit again follows orders, and heads off to the supply room. There, he sees a crewman, moving some boxes.

"Hey there," says the recruit. "is it normal to keep getting reassigned to new posts all day? I haven't kept one position for more than 15 minutes!"

The crewman says "Oh yeah- this sub is full of reposts."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IranRPCV
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the submarine industry?

It really took a dive...

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the submarine industry?

It really took a dive...

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the submarine industry?

It really took a dive...

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dog in a submarine?

A subwoofer.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Couldbeurmom
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
🚨︎ report

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