A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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When my girlfriend told the room that she was going to make coffee her dad said, β€œno, in the Bible, it says that the man always makes the coffee...”

Haven’t you read Hebrews?

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bulbasaur_King
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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A man proposes to a girl in the gym and she says no

I guess you could say that didn't workout.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Omega_23
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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A woman in the shower hears the doorbell. "It's the blind man". So she answers the door naked...

"Nice bewbs! Now where do you want me to hang the blind?"

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toadfinger
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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Why didn’t the man book an appointment with the doctor who said she only accepts patients with personal gifts?

He was asimptomatic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sinnoh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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I told my wife I had the body of a young muscled and sexy man, she laughed real hard and me fun of me

Until she looked in the closet

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FarmingFriend
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
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A man walks into a hospital, he says to the receptionist, β€œI have an appointment at 1:30.” She replies, β€œWhich doctor?”...

The man says β€œno thanks, just a regular doctor please”

πŸ‘︎ 178
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sizzlingmaniac69
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
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I was in the gym the other day, when I saw a man get down on one knee and propose to his girlfriend. Unfortunately she said no!

Well that didn't workout...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MartinHolroyd
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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A man went to the funeral of his dear friend and asked the wife of the deceased to ask if he could say a word, to which she said: Yes. He said "Plethora"

She said "thank you, that means a lot"

πŸ‘︎ 268
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pongogulous
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2018
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At a funeral a man sits Behind the woman who’s husband just died. The man leans forward and asks, β€œdo u mind if I say a word?” she responds, β€œNot at all, please do.” the man stands up and says β€œplethora” and sits back down.

β€œThanks,” said the woman, β€œthat means a lot.”

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/turboboob
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
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What did the waitress say to the man who wouldn't stop staring at her while she refilled his glass?

Take a pitcher, it'll last longer!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
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A man at the gym just proposed and she said no

I guess that didn't work out

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AFKForever4
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
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My wife says she doesn't know who the last man on the moon was...

She doesn't know Jack Schmitt.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hctibasiaixelsyd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
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How did Fa Mulan convince the soldiers of the Chinese army that she's a man?

She pretended to be Fa Ping.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RainMorga
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2018
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Wife and I are at my son’s yellow belt ceremony and we see that the grand master’s name is Soon Man Lee, I chuckle she doesnt get why. I look her dead in the eyes, he’s not manly yet, but he will be soon. Now she thinks I’m damaged in some way.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
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Overheard a lady tell her friend she was looking for a guy like the Brawny Man.

I interjected and told her he seemed self-absorbed.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotMyFaultImMoody
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2018
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While at Weinerschnitzel a young man who was clearly stoned stepped behind me in line. She wore a shirt that read "I'm just saying you've never seen me and Batman in the same room before."

Before he ordered I turned to him and said "I'm just saying you've never seen a dinosaur and a hotdog in the same room before." The look on his face was priceless

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2018
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A man walks into a German diner. He asks the German waitress how she would rate this diner.

She said, "A nein out of ten."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YourLegsAreHere
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2018
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This man at the gym proposed and she said no

Well that didnt workout

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lukecacatian2006
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
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