Why did the Hobbits go to McDonalds?

To get a second breakfast!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/space0watch
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
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My toddler is a dad in the making

After we got him his breakfast, I went into the kitchen to grab my breakfast. He called for me to come back and I just him I'd be back in one second. He waited a moment and said "Oooone second!"

I'm so proud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BladeMaster0182
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
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A man is driving along a back road at night

His car crashes into a tree, and he escapes unhurt though his car is badly damaged. However, he needs to find somewhere to stay overnight. The man wanders alnog the road until he comes across a monastery. He knocks on the door, and a friendly monk answers.

Man: I've crashed my car and need a place to stay tonight, might I have one of your rooms?

Monk: of course, come right this way.

The monk shows the man to a room, and the man goes to sleep. At midnight, the man is awoken by a loud thumping on the ceiling. He thinks nothing of it and goes to bed, sleeping soundly the rest of the night.

The next day at breakfast he asks one of the monks about the thumping. The monk replies,"sorry, I can't tell you you aren't a monk". The man figures that that's a pretty fair response, and goes to try and fix his car.

After working on the car all day, the man returns to the monastery and asks to stay another night. The monks of course oblige, and the man goes back to the same room. This night, he is awakened by the same thumping, this time even louder. He wonders about it and eventually drifts off to sleep.

The next day, the man continues to work on the car, and needs to stay just one more night to complete it. The monks are happy to give him a room, but the man asks to me moved to a different room so he won't hear the thumping. The man goes to bed but is awakened by even louder thumping.

He decides to go investigate, and climbs the stairs, only to find a locked iron door, with the thumping coming from behind it. Unsatisfied, he goes back to bed.

The next morning, he asks the lead monk about the thumping. The lead monk replies,"sorry, can't tell you you aren't a monk". The man, filled with curiosity, asks the leader how to become a monk. The leader gives him 3 tasks: the first, to circumnavigate the globe, to learn about culture, the second task, to cut an entire field with scissors to learn patience, and the third, to memorize the entire monk book, to learn discipline.

The man completes all the tasks, and the leader takes him up to the iron door and pulls out a key. He opens the door to reveal the Monk's greatest secret.

If you're wondering what it is, I'm sorry, I can't tell you, you aren't a monk.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clutchdanger11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
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My wife cooked me a great breakfast this morning. She was bragging about it.

After a great steak & eggs + side dishes breakfast...

Wife: Man. I'm so great. Cooking requires more creativity and skill than baking. You're just reading measurements with baking. With baking, all you need is time - a lot of time.

Me: What about basil or rosemary?

Wife: Huh?

Me: Basil or rosemary?

Wife: Huh?

A few seconds later, she gets it, sighs, then laughs. A few more seconds later...

Wife: I can't believe you're still laughing at your own joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/claytondufresne
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2015
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I was eating breakfast when...

I was eating Corn Pops for breakfast. My dad pointed out that I had just poured my second bowl, and said "You are eating corn-secutive bowls of cereal!"

He then texted my mom about it and now won't let it go.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2014
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Too early for Dad jokes

So some friends and I were at the breakfast buffet at a hotel (road trip).

Friend #1: Hey look, deviled eggs!

Me: No those are just boiled eggs.

Other friend: Yea deviled eggs are prepared with some other stuff in it.

Friend #1: Yea yea whatever

15 minutes later, going for seconds

Friend #1: Hey, pass me a deviled egg.

All of us: It's just boiled, not deviled!

Friend #1: Relax, I'm just yolking around.

He was too proud of that one. Us, not so much..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/derpslayer27
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2014
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Youth Pastor got me on this one after I made a joke involving my waitress girlfriend.

Facebook post:

We've only been dating a little less than 6 months, in high school, and she's already serving me dinner for the 4th time.

His comment (Father of 4 kids):

I've heard of second breakfast, but fourth dinner? Aren't you full yet?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ACEmat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2014
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The most ridiculous situation ever, capped off with an epic dad joke

A few years ago, my dad and I were building an addition onto his house. He rented a tool from the hardware store and had to return it, so he asked me to come with him and we would get some breakfast. There was a Burger King nearby, so we decided to stop there to eat.

When we go to the drive-through, we realize the restaurant was closed down, so he drove around the building to get back on the highway. As we were passing the dumpsters, he stopped the car, backed it up, and pointed towards the ground near the dumpster. I looked for a few seconds, trying to see what he was pointing at.

Then... I saw it.

It was a giant, 12+ inch black dildo, standing upright next to the dumpster. It propped itself up on its fake dildo balls, gently swaying in the breeze.

I was astonished. I couldn't even imagine what events in the universe had to line-up so as to end up with that giant dildo meticulously placed next to the dumpster at a closed-down Burger King. I couldn't even begin to fathom why it was there.

My dad, with perfect timing, then shouted "GAY TIMES WILL BE HAD TONIGHT!" and sped out of the parking lot.

We ended up going to Denny's.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OBJHamSandwich
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2013
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A deep Subject.

Eating breakfast this morning. I was reading a flyer while my parents were talking. After a few seconds of scilence my turns to me and says "Well?".

"well, what" I responded

"It's a deep subject"

"What's a deep subject" with a look of confusion on my face

"A well, is a deep subject"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrBlitz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2014
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