Kids got me an Old-school Chemistry set for Father's Day...

... Totally in my Element.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
We had a kidnapping at our school the other day

They got a whole 20 minutes in before the teacher woke him up

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ohsolinkable
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Does anyone know where we find the handmade Mother's Day gifts the school sends out each year?

I checked my kids' backpacks like usual but they weren't there.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Photog77
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
🚨︎ report
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money.

On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.

πŸ‘︎ 152
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skylly100
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
The first day of school, I signed up for English, Math, Science, and Geography.

The rest, as they say, is History.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
🚨︎ report
I've never been able to beat my school's high jump record and it keeps me up at night to this day...

I just can't get over it

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/greatreference
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Picked up the kid from school the other day

She had been at her mom's for a week and we were switching over to my place.

I told her "You'll be happy to know I didn't think of a single dad joke last week..."

"Good!"

"...I thought of a whole bunch of them!"

/groan "Dad...."

"Yeah, that wasn't a very good one, I know."

Then I thought about it for a minute, and we were walking up to the house and I said "I still kind of like it though...I mean, it's a dad joke about dad jokes. So it's a meta dad joke." Looked at her, lowered my sunglasses..."And I've never met a dad joke I didn't like"

"Daaaaddddd...."

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nimzomitch
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Whenever I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments of my high school days come flooding back to me.

I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.

πŸ‘︎ 228
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
🚨︎ report
One day Jimmy gets home from school early.

His mom ask's,"Why are you home so early?"

He answered"Because I was the only one who answered a question correctly."

Well, my son the genius.What was the question?"she continued.

"Whose the little shit that laid the tac down on my chair?"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My 8 year old came home from school and told me she had a test that day.

Me: Oh yeah, what was it on?

Her: Paper.

I was so proud.

πŸ‘︎ 407
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cartie65
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Kids got this shirt last day of school from librarian
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joshypsqueexy
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2017
🚨︎ report
Kid: Mom I don’t have school on Monday, the school calendar says it’s β€œmilk” day.

Mom: Milk day?.... O honey you mean Martin Luther King Day! He was a famous civil rights leader.

Kid: O yea I know him! He said β€œI have a dream”

Dad: yes, β€œI have a dream that one day milk and chocolate milk will live in harmony.”

Actual conversation last night

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Drmario420
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
A boy went to school pretty bruised up one day

His friend saw and laughed. Then he asked him; "Why do You suppose they call it harsh parental love?"

He replied; "I dunno fam beats me"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DannyGekkouga
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
A high school student struggles to pass his tests but decides, one day, to pull himself together.

After weeks of hard work and dedication, his grades start picking up.

A month passes and the semester is finally over.

He approaches his father and shows him his grades.

The father looks dramatically into his son's eyes and says:

"long time no C".

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/olafur-andri
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Where does beer keep it’s belongings during the school day?

In it’s lager!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/magnuspenus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I was allowed on the grass the other day at school

I was allowed on the grass the other day at school- it field me with joy

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Orangutan_Monkey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
🚨︎ report
I missed a day of cosmetlogy school because i was sick...

They made me take a makeup class.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lxoblivian
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the Buffalo say to his son on his first day of school?

Bison

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lunnibbles
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
🚨︎ report
The other day, my daughter asked why her school books are so heavy

I said β€˜because they are full of knowledge!’

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/slipperagua
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Daughter made this thank you card for a speaker at her career day at school
πŸ‘︎ 201
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cat_water
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2017
🚨︎ report
I met a kid named school a few days ago

It was really weird but after talking hes a great guy, you guys could learn a thing or two from him

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ExsistanceIsPain
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
The other day, Egypt's old bus broke down. So the school used its budget to get Anubis.
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mugsofjoe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2018
🚨︎ report
My band teacher didn’t show up the last 3 days of the school.

I guess you can say it was Three Days Grace.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cfalconssbb
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My teacher on the first day of school...

"Alright class please stand. Now raise your left leg. Put it back on the ground. Great, everyone may now sit.

Glad we're able to start class on the right foot."

πŸ‘︎ 800
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rb612
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2014
🚨︎ report
At what time during the school day does menarche usually occur?

First period

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Big-Red-Dog
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Some schools are getting rid of in-climate weather days

Now there snow days off for winter

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KNABasai
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
🚨︎ report
I got expelled from school on pajama day.

Its not my fault I sleep naked.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/__Odelay__
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
🚨︎ report
What did Shang's friends told him on the first day of school ?

Shanghai

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/music_snobbbb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad's encouraging words for my first day back to school
πŸ‘︎ 79
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jittlewiggle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2013
🚨︎ report
It's 'family field trip' day at a small Wisconsin school...

Some of the kids attending are:

Sally Buckteeth and her family of farmers,
Larry the Lefty and his fam of circus freaks,
And Johnny no-feet and his family of midgets.
They were all excited for their tour of the dairy farm, and the CEO himself stood up to speak: "OK, everyone, a few ground rules: due to the industrial nature of the farm, mandatory steel-toed boots and a minimum height requirement are in effect."
The assistant pipes up- "Sir, one of the kids can't attend the trip!"
CEO- "Oh no, which one?"

The assistant replied, " Little Johnny, the one that lacks toes and taller aunts."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StretchSmiley
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2017
🚨︎ report
I'm known for my dad jokes and in my first day of junior year in high school, I got my friend good.

Today, my friend Mia and I found out we had PreCalculus together and thus sat across from each other and began talking about our schedules while our teacher prepared the student contracts. (For reference, Mr. Waage is one of the music teachers in my school.)

Mia- "I have Waage three times in my schedule this year and two are back to back." Me- "What periods do you have him?" Mia- "0, 4th, and 5th period." Me- "Looks like you are getting maximum Waage."

Grunts and cringes ensued

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2014
🚨︎ report
A boy arrives home from a long day at school

... and noticed 3 pieces of meat hanging from the celing upon entering his house. The boy asks his father, "What's this about?" The dad replies, "If you can jump up and slap the meat, you don't have to do any chores for the next month. However, if you miss, you have to do your chores and your brother's chores, along with no video games for a month. Still wanna do it?" The boy replies, "No thanks, I'm good." The dad responds, "I figured you would say that, I did raise the steaks pretty high."

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/itslqb
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2017
🚨︎ report
School didn't ring a bell the entire day.

They were trying to earn a Nobel Peace Prize

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ultimateturkey
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2016
🚨︎ report
When my kids are old enough to start attending school, I play on withdrawing them after day one.

I refuse to let them receive anything less than a first class education.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sykilik101
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2016
🚨︎ report
While I was at school the other day...

My dad pulled this shit on me

Dad: did you hear about the kidnapping at school today?

Me: WHAT just now???

Dad: It's okay...he just woke up!

Followed by me recovering from a little panic attack that ensued and calling him an idiot. He did good though.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zediious
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2015
🚨︎ report
My 5 year old daughter got me with this one today on the way to her first day of school.

"What cats like to play on a computer?"
"Cats that want the mouse?"
"Nope"
"Okay, what cats like to play on a computer?"
"Tabby cats!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Frond_Dishlock
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2016
🚨︎ report
It was the first day of school and a kid almost went to the hospital

I'm a pre-k teacher, and when I was hanging around during my break at the first grade recess, one of them tripped over a ball a few feet away, and saw me watching her. She said, "I'm okay." with a proud voice.

I walked over slowly, asked her if she needs to go to the hospital. She responded no. I walked her over to the teachers on duty, and told them that she needed to go to the hospital. She kept saying that she didn't.

I told them that she needs to go because she forgot her name. She thinks her name is "okay."

She stared at me and shook her head while the teachers laughed.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Illogical_Fallacy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2015
🚨︎ report
One day when I stayed home from school.

Mom's boyfriend: Do you know anything about Jazz? Me: What? Him: Get J'azz back in school.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ohhoneyno_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2015
🚨︎ report
In my School days, all Summer long I would live on the Edge...

...and never worry about the Fall

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lindleyw
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad's response to all the "first day of school" pictures last week.

http://i.imgur.com/0ETJIwW.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Amazing_Bagel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2014
🚨︎ report
While driving home from school on a partly cloudy day

Me: (looks up) Wow! There's not a single cloud in the sky!

Daughter: (looks up) What are you talking about?

Me: There's not.

Daughter: Dad, there are like... (gets it) Daughter: (scowls)

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/resonantSoul
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2014
🚨︎ report
I sent my dad a text explaining how my day at school went. He always gives the best advice.

Me: So today in Acting class I managed to bruise my knee and cut my thigh.

Dad: Acting is dangerous. Perhaps you should do something less dangerous like football.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thepretty
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2014
🚨︎ report
When I told my dad I what I learned in school that day

"Vector fields, huh? It's hard, growing vectors."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GoogieK
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2013
🚨︎ report
There was a kidnapping at school the other day

Don’t worry, he woke up.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
🚨︎ report
There was a kidnapping at my school the other day

Its ok he woke up

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PdawgUltimate
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Q. What did the dad buffalo say to his son on the first day of school?

Bison

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/9xbuddy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.