I just bought a round of shots for everybody, but they're being totally ungrateful and saying they don't even have tetanus.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/_Dang_It_Bobby_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
If they launched a lot of cattle into orbit.

If they launched a lot of cattle into orbit.

It would be the herd shot ’round the world.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ‘€︎ u/GreyDeck
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Space X is planning to send a bunch of cattle into orbit.

It will be the herd shot 'round the world.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ‘€︎ u/OccamsBeard
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Q: Why would Eminem make a horrible bartender?

A: Whenever you try and order a round he says, β€œYou only get one shot.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/WJLindley
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Congress is sending cows into space again...

It’s the herd shot round the world. I think it will be an udder disappointment. When they land we will all have ground beef.

  • dad shooting from the 3 point line πŸ’πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad joked at the bar

I was over at a bar with some buddies and told them I had to leave soon after drinking 5 or 6 beers. One of my buddies told me to wait, because he wanted to buy a round of Sky vodka shots to celebrate his promotion. I looked at him and the group and said...

"Alright guys, but i'm leaving after this, because the sky is the limit."

Groans were soon followed.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ‘€︎ u/kraziefrazie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2014
🚨︎ report
NASA is planning on launching a bunch of cows into space.

It'll be the herd shot 'round the world.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ‘€︎ u/CheeseheadDave
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2018
🚨︎ report
NASA just launched a bunch of cows into orbit...

...apparently it was the herd shot 'round the world.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeyHollywood
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2016
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.