Why did I stop and take a shot of vodka when I was running late to work?
That's what I do when I'm Russian
Was in a bar when this guy said to me, “I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar!” I shot back...
Re-watching Hot Shots 2, just noticed this jem
Bit of a long shot...
but does anyone know a sniper?
If you haven’t shot a weapon with your eyes closed
You don’t know what you’re missing.
I got my COVID shot today...
My cell service is great now!
I just got my first shot
I’m going to get my second when the waitress gets back
My wife laughed, "The lottery is a tax on fools who can't do math!" I shrugged and said, "You never know! Anybody can win the lottery." Folding her arms, she asked, "Do you even know the chances of a person winning the lottery?" I shot back, "Yes!! 100%!!"
A soldier in WW2 was shot in the chest and the bullet was stopped by a stack of quarters in his pocket.
He said it was his life savings.
Once a coin saved a person's life, the coin was in his shirt pocket, the coin deflected the bullet shot at him
The coin was truly his life savings
Police are investigating a murder in which the victim was shot with a starters pistol.
The police think it's race-related.
A ghost walks into a taproom, "Bartender, give me a shot of whiskey"
Bartender: I'm sorry we don't serve sprits here.
Double Shot of St Paddy’s Day Dad Jokes!
What’s Irish and stays out all night?
Paddy O’Furniture.
How do you know an Irishman is having fun?
He’s Dublin over with laughter!
😂😂😂🥁☘️🇮🇪🌈💰
#doubledose #irishcarbombs #dailydadjokes #luckycharms #rimshot #kneeslapper #stpattysday2021 #luckoftheirish #greenbeer #march17th
Happy St Paddy’s Day everyone!
Did you know that the pandemic has gotten so bad, they’re letting veterinarians give shots now?
My dog prefers the tequila.
After getting the first shot I'm really not looking forward to the second.
9mm bullets hurt like hell.
A length of rope walks into a bar and orders two shots...
the bartender kicks him out on the daily making it known that they don’t serve ropes in his bar. One day he decides that he may have better luck with a disguise, so he ties himself up in a good tangle and frantically pulls all the fibers apart at both of his cut ends. He walks back into the bar and orders two shots. The bartender says to him, “ Hey...aren’t you that rope I kicked out of here yesterday?”. The rope looks at him confused and says, “ No, I’m a frayed knot”.
Where is the best place to get shot?
I shot a man with a paintball gun...
....just to watch him dye.
A crazy guy got shot in his head
He became less temper-a-mental.
My friend was shot clean through his skull but survived.
I can’t imagine what was going through his mind at the time.
Soldier 1: "zz~ WE'RE TAKING A LOT OF SHOTS OVER HERE!"
Soldier 2: "zz~ ALRIGHT, DON'T DRINK TOO MUCH!"
Man shot 200 times with upholstery gun.
Surgeons revealed he is now 'fully recovered'.
Will the Coronavirus shot come with a wedge of lime?
How do you describe bench-press obsessed army boys insulting each other while they're being shot at?
Chest nuts roasting in open fire
My hunter friend boasted that he shot the most deer last year.
He certainly won that game.
Took a shot at making this pendant
took a screen shot on youtube when I found this pun
There's a new show on BBC where heroin junkies can determine via experts, how much money they've shot up over the years.
It's called,Cash in the Addict.
Yesterday, I shot an elephant in my pajamas.
And later a rhinoceros in the buff.
I just witnessed a guy getting shot with a paintball gun.
Two cowboys are lost in the desert when one sees a tree draped in bacon. He yells “it’s a bacon tree” then runs to it and is shot up with bullets
It wasn’t a bacon tree it was a Ham Bush
I shot 3 under on 18 holes today but I'm still pretty disappointed.
My performance was really subpar.
I was gonna give archery a shot
But theres too many drawbacks
Edit: Heckin thanks for the platinum!!!
Florida man shot over 200 times with an upholstery gun...
...Doctors say he's now fully recovered
A group of pastors were being shot at
I heard if you try to put a gun in your mouth and shot, it's not necessarily to make you die
This fact is just mind-blowing.
I shot an oar out of a bow, and missed.
Needles-s to say, a pun that's worth a shot
I hate to say it but I'm not a huge fan of donating blood. I guess its cuz needles really get under my skin. But at least its not all in vein.
My friend and I were playing golf. He hit the flagpole on the shot and said “that gave me a heart attack!”
I told him “actually that was a stroke”
Bit of a long shot....
Does anyone know of a good sniper?
I shot a man with a paintball gun...
....just to watch him dye.
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