My doctor asked me why I missed my appointment yesterday?
π︎ 13
π
︎ Mar 24 2021
They really missed out on a great opportunity by calling them defibrillators
Should've called them heartbrakers
π︎ 26
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
I almost missed my cake day!
That would have been real crumby.
Edit: thanks for the gifts! Iβve never felt so kneaded.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ May 21 2020
I was driving absentmindedly and my wife suddenly said, βHey, you missed a right!β
I said, βThanks babe. You Mrs. Right!β
π︎ 99
π
︎ Dec 08 2020
Becoming a vegetarian is a big missed steak.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Oct 22 2020
He missed his next meeting unfortunately
π︎ 46
π
︎ Oct 25 2020
She missed you
But her aim is getting better!
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 06 2020
We have a joke calendar and we missed this week, my wife was having me guess the answers and we ended up accidentally creating this gem: what do you call a cow that was just born?
π︎ 43
π
︎ Sep 24 2020
My wife was walking downstairs with the laundry, and dropped it when she missed a step.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 16 2020
I sold my Chevy electric car, missed it so I bought it back...
I know, pretty re-Volting!
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 16 2020
I shot an oar out of a bow, and missed.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 06 2020
Damn we just missed the green light, this is gonna be heavy!
Because it will be a Full Wait
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 21 2020
As an orchestra conductor, I could tell when the entire violin section missed the key with no sharps or flats...
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jul 27 2020
Whoever named pirate's telescopes spyglasses really missed an opportunity.
They should have been called "Ayeglasses."
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jun 16 2020
I almost missed my daily dough
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 21 2020
When I got to work this morning, my boss stormed up to me and said, "You missed work yesterday, didn't you?"
I said, "No, not particularly."
π︎ 26
π
︎ May 29 2020
Donβt know how they missed the opportunity
π︎ 51
π
︎ Sep 12 2019
Did you hear about the financial analyst who went skydiving but missed the landing spot by a mile?
He was an expert in the field
Edit: I made this up myself!
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 27 2020
We must have missed the warning sines.
π︎ 739
π
︎ Apr 07 2018
I nearly missed the marathon yesterday
π︎ 8
π
︎ May 10 2020
My son missed curfew again, so to teach him a lesson, I made him remove all the kudzu out back.
It was de-vine punishment.
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 18 2020
I told my boyfriend I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 23 2020
Missed opportunity.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Mar 05 2017
RIP garment. You will be missed.
π︎ 27
π
︎ Aug 03 2019
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 08 2020
Someone with the last name Hindsight missed an opportunity to run for president.
Hindsight is 2020 though.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 18 2019
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths".
π︎ 43
π
︎ Feb 12 2019
My brother had an interview for a mall Santa in another town. His GPS led him astray and he missed it.
I think he was a lost Clause to begin with.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 04 2020
Not using protection was a big missed steak.
π︎ 69
π
︎ Aug 04 2018
I missed my Doctors Appointment...
π︎ 25
π
︎ Sep 17 2019
If you missed the special NYE this time, just wait for two years.
Because 2022 is 2020, too.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 03 2020
'So you think you can dance Canada' missed a great opportunity to call themselves 'So you think you Canadance'
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jan 06 2019
What do you tell your Australian friend if he just missed a call from his pops?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 24 2019
What a missed opportunity
π︎ 32
π
︎ Apr 04 2018
I missed my latest cooking class,
I have some ketchup to do.
π︎ 36
π
︎ Feb 22 2019
Missed opportunity
π︎ 33
π
︎ Apr 04 2018
Sorry that wasnβt kosher. My missed steak.
π︎ 43
π
︎ Jul 08 2018
Whoever called the loops in malls with restaurants "food courts" missed a huge opportunity. They ought to be cul-de-snacks.
π︎ 23
π
︎ Jun 29 2018
Microsoft reeeeally missed an opportunity when they didn't call their antivirus "Windows Cleaner"
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Jul 04 2014
[Driving] My wife: Hey, you missed a right.
Me: Thanks babe. You Mrs. Right.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Sep 26 2019
We were driving yesterday, and suddenly my wife turned to me and said, βHey, you missed a rightβ.
I said, βThanks babe. You MRS. right.β
π︎ 31
π
︎ Sep 22 2020
[On the highway] My wife: Hey, you missed a right!
Me: Thanks babe. You Mrs. Right!
π︎ 55
π
︎ May 29 2020
I was driving on the highway and the wife said "You missed a right"
And I said "Thanks babe, and you're Mrs Right"
π︎ 19
π
︎ Feb 21 2020
[On the highway] Her: Hey, I think you missed a right.
Me: Thanks babe. You Mrs. Right!
π︎ 7
π
︎ Mar 30 2020
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