Just opened a Christmas card and rice fell out.
Must be from my Uncle Ben.
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︎ Dec 14 2020
My trademark for extremely small grains of rice was rejected
Not sure why. I call it "Minute Rice" and it only takes about an hour to cook.
๐︎ 18
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︎ Jan 08 2021
Why did the Japanese brewer take fermented rice to church ?
๐︎ 15
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︎ Nov 19 2020
I was telling my friend that brown rice is the same as white rice, but with a criminal record....
He thinks I'm a riceist for saying that.
๐︎ 3
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︎ Nov 29 2020
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my Brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
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︎ Nov 26 2020
Chinese take out: 8 dollars. Tip: 2 dollars. Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order...
๐︎ 14k
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︎ Dec 15 2020
What does rebellious rice always do?
๐︎ 67
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︎ Nov 01 2020
I love Basmati rice....
I could eat it Tilda cows come home.
๐︎ 3
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︎ Nov 30 2020
So the other day I ordered some Kung Pao chicken, but I think it came with a side of pasta instead of rice
๐︎ 9
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︎ Nov 09 2020
I almost made a huge mistake applying to Rice University.
I'm really a meat and potatoes kind of guy.
๐︎ 9
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︎ Oct 03 2020
Have a Rice Day!
๐︎ 9
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︎ Aug 22 2020
The Mafia killed a man in a rice field because of a dispute over a small trinket
It was a knick-knack paddy whack
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︎ Aug 20 2020
What do you call someone who only eats white rice?
๐︎ 9
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︎ Sep 13 2020
Last night I had a dream that I ate a 50 lb marshmallow.
This morning I woke up and my pillow was gone.
Today is the 13th anniversary of my father passing and this was my favorite joke that he used to tell. Enjoy.
๐︎ 255
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︎ Jan 06 2021
Selenaโs New single, Rice Cream
๐︎ 7
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︎ Aug 28 2020
A Mafia hit-man was arrested for killing a man in a rice field with a porcelain figurine.
The police said this is the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack
๐︎ 99
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︎ Jun 27 2020
Tennis player Sampras needed rice wine and sent me to buy a bottle without giving me cash...
For Pete's sake, I guess he wants me to pay for it myself!
๐︎ 5
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︎ Sep 29 2020
What do you call cereal that you hate?
๐︎ 10
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︎ Jan 24 2021
My wife said she prefers brown rice
๐︎ 11
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︎ Jul 21 2020
My son refuses to eat rice if it in not white.
I said โSon, thatโs ricest!โ
๐︎ 7
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︎ Jun 28 2020
Just got back from the supermarket - there was a guy rushing round the shop who had brought 15kg of paella rice, 5 cases of tequila, 8 sombreros and 12 piรฑatas.
I thought to myself, Hispanic buying.
๐︎ 62
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︎ Apr 04 2020
Iโm going to start a brand of rice wine and Iโll call it for fucks.
๐︎ 14
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︎ Jul 03 2020
All rice!
๐︎ 13
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︎ Apr 29 2020
What did the fried rice say to the shrimp?
๐︎ 8
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︎ Jun 04 2020
What do you call tapioca that's gone bad?
๐︎ 11
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︎ Dec 29 2020
I heard that Marvel is now sponsoring Uncle Ben's rice and changing the picture to Peter Parker's uncle.
The new slogan is "With great power comes great rice possibilities."
๐︎ 4
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︎ Jun 17 2020
What do you call a Greek philosopher who loves rice?
๐︎ 13
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︎ May 22 2020
What is Spiderman's favourite brand of rice?
๐︎ 15
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︎ Feb 18 2020
At the dinner table tonight
My wife cracks open an empty fortune cookie and asks, โWhat kind of fortune cookie doesnโt have a fortune??โ
I chuckle between bites and say, โCall it a ... cookie.โ
It really wasnโt funny but I havenโt laughed so hard in so long I ended up choking on my fried rice.
๐︎ 4
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︎ Jan 22 2021
During quarrantine I've really perfected how to make some heavenly rice.
I boil the hell out of it.
๐︎ 10
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︎ May 14 2020
The girl at chipotle asked if I like white or brown rice
I told her that sheโs rice-ist
๐︎ 4
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︎ Apr 21 2020
How do you know your Rice Crispies are stoned?
They go, "Snack, Popple, and Crap!"
๐︎ 2
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︎ May 29 2020
I really like shrimp-fried rice.
Itโs amazing how they can hold that big skillet in their tiny little claws.
๐︎ 5
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︎ Apr 24 2020
My girlfriend hates brown rice and only eats white rice.
๐︎ 19
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︎ Feb 09 2020
And together, we will rice
๐︎ 50
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︎ Sep 10 2019
My son only ate the white rice and ignored the meatball and yellow lentils
๐︎ 3
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︎ Mar 19 2020
My pastor wasnโt a fan of my new Jesus Riceโข
He said not to take the lords name in grain.
๐︎ 32
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︎ Nov 07 2019
I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it.
I know it's hard to believe, but I saw it with my own two eyes.
๐︎ 10k
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︎ Mar 30 2020
Me: Mom where do I find the rice in the store?
Mom: (points) you find it rice there.
๐︎ 3
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︎ Jan 24 2020
I come in peas
๐︎ 3k
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︎ Feb 12 2020
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
๐︎ 8
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︎ Nov 11 2019
What did the potato say to the rice
๐︎ 7
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︎ Jul 07 2019
I'm sure it has been done, but chicken fried rice! Found at a resort tempenaki restaurant.
๐︎ 14
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︎ May 26 2019
I Just opened a card and a load of rice fell out the envelope
Itโs was from my uncle Ben
๐︎ 11
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︎ Jun 26 2020
A hit-man was arrested for killing a man in a rice field with a porcelain figurine.
The police said this is the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack.
๐︎ 4
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︎ Jul 08 2020
I donโt get why minute rice advertises that itโs โminuteโ.
Itโs just as small as other rice.
๐︎ 3
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︎ Jun 19 2020
What did the fried rice say to the shrimp?
๐︎ 10
๐
︎ Oct 21 2019
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