I thought I'd try my hand at snail racing.

My thinking was that if I take their shells off, that they'd be lighter and quicker.

All it did was make them a bit sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 177
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CMDR-Hooker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12
🚨︎ report
I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.

But no, it only made him more sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notaninfringement
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30
🚨︎ report
What's a budgerigar's favourite racing game?

Need for Seed

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Own-Initial
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who used a racing game to get reputayion on Reddit, but it turned bad?

It was karmageddon!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bunytou
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
A friend told me the Russians are best at racing.

I knew that was nonsense. People from Finland always Finnish first.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Manggg1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
Who would win a racing competition among all the computer devices?

USB Flash Drive

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/archit14
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
Can you name 3 places in Scotland that are also the names of Grand Prix winning racing drivers?
  1. (Lewis) Hamilton

  2. Stirling (Moss)

  3. Ayr Town Centre!!!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him go faster. If anything it made him more sluggish.
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trispir
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I thought I’d try snail racing

My tactic was if I take the shells off, they’ll be lighter and quicker,

All it did was make them a bit sluggish

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amywit16
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
For sale: some racing geese.

Let me know if you want to take a quick gander.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mykennel
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29
🚨︎ report
I had a racing snail, I thought it would be faster if I removed it's shell...

It only made it more sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Pod racing
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jothebest75
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
🚨︎ report
A cheetah and a lion are racing.

The cheetah wins

The lion says "man you a cheetah"

The cheetah says "nah man you a lion"

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doriensucks
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster. Unfortunately, it just seems to have made him sluggish.
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hughdman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2018
🚨︎ report
I had a racing snail...

To make him more aero-dynamic I took off its shell. If anything it made him more sluggish

πŸ‘︎ 367
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Kiddy Dong Racing is the perfect example of a Spoonerism

Spoonerism: a verbal error in which a speaker accidentally transposes the initial sounds or letters of two or more words, often to humorous effect.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Moshiie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Took the shell off my racing snail to see if I could make it go faster...

Just made it a bit sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Aladdin banned from flying carpet racing! Sources say…

…for use of performance enhancing rugs…

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife and my family are leaving me because of my obsession with watching horse racing on TV.

β€œAnd they are off!”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife and kids are leaving me because of my obsession with horse racing.

And they’re off!

πŸ‘︎ 203
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife and daughter are leaving me because of my obsession with horse racing...

"And they're off!"

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
🚨︎ report
POD racing
πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wobbleys
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
🚨︎ report
We were racing against the clock, trying to figure out which spice was the one they wanted.

They screamed stuff like "we want more time" and "time is of the essence", but apparently they don't have any clue what it's called.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OccAzzO
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife and family are leaving me because of my obsession with horse racing.

And they’re off!

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I don't believe in racing competitions

Because all races are equal.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amiradzim
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
🚨︎ report
did you hear about the racing snail?

he took off his shell so he would be faster but in the end he just felt a bit sluggish

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaz123410
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
A few years ago I bought A great racing video game in Finland.

I think it's called "Finnish line".

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thegur90
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend owned a racing snail. It never won any races so he removed the shell to make it go faster.

Sadly it didn't work, if anything it made it more sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Two cats are racing in the water

One cat was named "One Two Three", the other cat was named "Un Deux Trois". Which cat won?

One Two Three, because Un Deux Trois cat sank.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ComputerChaosKid
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
🚨︎ report
5 snails were racing, all with the numbers painted on themselves.

The one in the 5th lane had a poorly drawn 5 on it and took off, faster than all the others. The crowd yelled out, look at that S-car go!

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bramzz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I took the shell off my racing snail today...

I thought it would make it faster, but if anything it just made it more sluggish

πŸ‘︎ 180
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theo_waugh_2746
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2017
🚨︎ report
I tried drag racing the other day

It's murder trying to run in heels.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/number9spud
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2018
🚨︎ report
I watched a documentary about car racing, but I didn’t enjoy it as much as I thought.

Too many spoilers.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you guys her about the racing snail that took off his shell?

Well after that he became a big sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spicyagedcheddar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I went to see Formula E racing the other day...

The atmosphere was electric!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Homer_Simpson2
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend and I were racing our trucks...

I would've won, but I couldn't pickup the pace.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Famicstarr
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2017
🚨︎ report
Thought taking my shell of my racing snail would make it faster.

Turns out that just made it more sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PterodactylSlayer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2017
🚨︎ report
Indy Cars race in the Indy Racing League. If they raced in Ireland, it would be IRL IRL...

...You may roll your eyes at that, but wait until you see it in real life.

Then it would be IRL IRL IRL.

(...I gotta admit, he got me on that one.)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Turbojett
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2017
🚨︎ report
Why does the Buddha sit crossed legged when racing cars?

To achieve a perfect lap.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ryukononon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2014
🚨︎ report
I used to own a racing snail you know...

I took its shell off to make it lighter, thus quicker.

But that just made it more sluggish...

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebenprocter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2014
🚨︎ report
I thought pulling the shell off my racing snail would make him faster...

But it just made him more sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blacksnakewhip
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2015
🚨︎ report
Why does the moon always lose when racing the sun?

Because night skies finish last.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MistaSnowman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2015
🚨︎ report
The next Fast and Furious movie about racing worldwide is called...

Continental Drift.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad was a mechanic and crew chief for a dirt track racing team...

When I helped him out in the shop:

Me: I think I put that bolt in the wrong hole.

Dad: Did it slap you?

Me: What?

Dad: Well, if it didn't slap you, then it wasn't in the wrong hole!


Bonus dad joke:

Me: What's for dinner?

Dad: Something with food in it.

(Every single night)

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fire_marshall_ill
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2013
🚨︎ report
He's a horse racing fan.

Dad was giving me a hot tip for a horse race. I asked what the odds were.

"Well it's starting at 10 to 1, but the race doesn't start til 3:58, so it should bloody win!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mickdamaggot
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2014
🚨︎ report
I took the shell off my racing snail to make it go faster.

If anything, it made him more sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AcousticHigh
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I took the shell off my racing snail to make him go faster...

...It just made him more sluggish

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheJohny182
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2014
🚨︎ report

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