I watched a documentary about car racing, but I didn’t enjoy it as much as I thought.

Too many spoilers.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Why does the Buddha sit crossed legged when racing cars?

To achieve a perfect lap.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ryukononon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2014
🚨︎ report
Indy Cars race in the Indy Racing League. If they raced in Ireland, it would be IRL IRL...

...You may roll your eyes at that, but wait until you see it in real life.

Then it would be IRL IRL IRL.

(...I gotta admit, he got me on that one.)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Turbojett
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2017
🚨︎ report
Which car race did Mufassa think about before dying

NASCAR

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/useralreadydead
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I like to race electric cars in my free time.

I'm an e-racer.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MattA2930
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a race car driver say when he has nothing else to say in an argument?

Mph.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JustiniR
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do we want? Race car noises. When do we want them?

NYYYYOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW

πŸ‘︎ 144
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whymustudodat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I told this girl I was talking to that I like to race cars, she asked me if I win often

I said no, the cars are much faster

πŸ‘︎ 478
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arnowhite
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the snail paint a big red S on the side of his race car?

Because he wanted to hear everyone say "Look at that S car go!".

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lisajean1234
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I was challenged to a race by the same British-made car I was driving...

It was a Jag war.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Shopping at Costco or Sam's club is like driving a race car.

You go from $0 to $60 in a matter of seconds.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shitty_Orangutan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a friend of mine who is a race car driver...

...I consider him a racist.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SlipperyRoads
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
As the taxi raced towards the hospital, my wife cried, "The baby's coming! Don't stop the car! I can't make it! DON'T! CAN'T! WON'T!"

"Driver, hurry!" I implored. "Her contractions are getting closer together!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are there no winning race car drivers from Switzerland?

They're always in neutral.

P.S. Made a joke similar to this about a coworker who is runner from Switzerland. He actually groaned.

*ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED*

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tigger3370
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What do parents give their baby if they want them to become a future race car driver?

Formula one.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you drink while watching the lizards that live in the middle of tennis courts race their cars over rough terrain?

Net newt rally tea

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thkoog
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2017
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the car finish the race after it lost an axle?

It was two-tired!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JackOfTrading
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Ever since the pandemic started, every morning I proudly announce to my family that I’m going for a jog and then I don’t...

It’s my longest running joke of the year so far...

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad pulls up to a red light, Car next to him revs the engine and yells "race?"

Dad responds "Hispanic!"

πŸ‘︎ 714
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/strider820
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2016
🚨︎ report
Except for a drive-through, when entering the pits during a race F1 cars always get retired.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/XilenceBF
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Hamilton is a racist

He does car races

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MayusYT
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was young I asked my dad why cops don't just use race cars to catch people because they are so fast.

His response was, "Because they only make left turns"

πŸ‘︎ 214
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/diahdude
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2016
🚨︎ report
Which part of a race car ruins your movie?

Spoiler.

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wormri
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2017
🚨︎ report
[Pun Request] Looking for a pun to combine lobster/crustacean with a race car driver/car/track/race.

Title, basically - I need a character name for dnd, dm has required all character names be a pun, and he misinterpreted my initial request to play as a lobster race as a request to stage some sort of actual lobster race.

I haven't thought of anything, and character building sesh is tn, help me out folks!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xhephaestusx
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2017
🚨︎ report
Want to learn how to stop impersonating race cars?

Don't weeeeoooww

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2018
🚨︎ report
It’s not called driving with a mask on

It’s Mask Car Racing

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cheeseburger in a race car?

Fast food.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Iron_Gunna
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2016
🚨︎ report
I hope Fast & Furious 10 is called "Fast 10: Your Seatbelts "
πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kopfler
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2017
🚨︎ report
Dad dropped this one on us yesterday when we were watching a video clip of someone crashing his race car.

Presenter: "The driver sustained no permanent injuries."
Dad: "Because he died?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/S1nth0raS
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2014
🚨︎ report
Poor little bunny

A doctor is driving home one night along a lonely road when a rabbit suddenly bolted in front of his car. The doctor swerved and tried his best to stop, but it wasn't possible and the car hit the bunny.

He immediately pulled the car to the side of the road and got out to see if he could help the poor bunny. It didn't look good. He raced back to the car to retrieve his bag, but realized almost instantly that he was driving his wife's car and so his bag wouldn't be there.

He frantically rooted through the glovebox, trying to find gauze or water - anything that could be useful. He found a bottle of what he expected was water and brought it back to where the bunny was laying. With great care, he poured a cap full and let the bunny drink.

To the doctor's amazement, the rabbit sprang back to life - jumping up on his hind legs and wiggling his tail. He smiled at the doctor and waved as he began to prance back toward the woods. He hopped a couple of feet, paused, turned and waved again. Hopped another few feet, turned and waved yet again. He reached the edge of the trees and again, he turned and waved at the doctor.

Stunned, the doctor brought the bottle up to the light to see what magic potion he had discovered. Squinting his eyes, he read the label aloud, "Hair restorer with permanent wave".

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
WHAT DO WE WANT??! RACE CAR NOISES!!! WHEN DO WE WANT THEM?!!

Neeeeeeooooooowwwwww

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/adamj91
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Her: What do you do? Me: I race cars. Her: Do you win many races?

Me: No, the cars are much faster.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
AMD and Nvidia should get into the race car business.

Well, I mean they already have the drivers.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/collapsing_sanity
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do parents give their baby if they want them to become a future race car driver?

Formula one.

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of track does a clown car race on?

A laugh track!

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Salmon_Fanta
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What did a race car drive get after eating to much food

Indygestion

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RetroRogue23
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Her: What do you do?

Me: I race cars.

Her: Do you win many races?

Me: No, the cars are much faster.

πŸ‘︎ 102
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Her: What do you do?

Him: I race cars.
Her: Do you win many races?
Him: No, the cars are much faster.

πŸ‘︎ 204
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Daudelin1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My car's name is Word and there's a race tomorrow.

But don't take my word for it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who really loved car races?

He thought they were wheely cool.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/marclove7
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2015
🚨︎ report
My daughter said i could never make a car out of spaghetti.

You should've seen the look on her face when i drove pasta.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gaming_Gil_Bros
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2017
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Her: What do you do?

Me: I race cars.

Her: Do you win many races?

Me: No, the cars are much faster.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
🚨︎ report

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