Pointes Puns

It’s a Minnie marathon.

Someone who points out the obvious.

Thanks, I sharpened it.

When I got home, they were still there.

Noone deserves to be happy forever

But some won't get it

Me: Major Look!

“Spoiler alert!”

I told him it should be {Sons Name} / Mommy. Since he came from her. Then I said he could reduce that fraction further since he came from his mommy, that fraction would equal....

One Whole

But getting over it was a piece of cake.

I swear this is a true organic dad joke I had tonight. Felt I’d share it with reddit.

My kid came up to me and says “oh no, look dad, it needs a bandaid” as she gently presents her imaginarily injured bouncy ball.

I looked at my kid and said “I don’t think it needs a bandaid, he looks like he’s going to bounce back”

He said, “Sorry. There is no Time.”

I’m drawing a line in the sand.

De-calf-inated!

Edit: it's been pointed out some people pronounce calf as cālf, so its taking a second. Pronounce it like decaffeinated coffee.

For the Confederacy, it all went South from there

It's pointless.

I was like where did that come from.

"...mountains peak!"

You should check it out, it’s a really good Martian Scores’easy film

" I'm just a cactus " , it said. " You have a point there ", I replied.

On the other hand i am ok

He was half right

At some point, we'll have to draw the line

The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says “I don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, “whatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says “there’s no charge.” Shocked she replies “no really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” “Honestly ma’am”, the mortician says, “it costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”

The vulture said. "Oh this? This is my carrion luggage."

I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."

They are cutting edge technology.

They’re pointless.

New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.

The person who points out the obvious

He was half right