Itβs a Minnie marathon.
That's karma for ya
Someone who points out the obvious.
Taxes can keep your electrical grid operational.
Thanks, I sharpened it.
...I have to leave Home Depot.
When I got home, they were still there.
Gaseous Clay!
Noone deserves to be happy forever
But some won't get it
Its natural beauty was unpresidented
βSpoiler alert!β
But getting over it was a piece of cake.
I swear this is a true organic dad joke I had tonight. Felt Iβd share it with reddit.
My kid came up to me and says βoh no, look dad, it needs a bandaidβ as she gently presents her imaginarily injured bouncy ball.
I looked at my kid and said βI donβt think it needs a bandaid, he looks like heβs going to bounce backβ
He said, βSorry. There is no Time.β
Iβm drawing a line in the sand.
For the Confederacy, it all went South from there
Last month, a guy in Cincinnati stole a salt truck and led police on a 30 minute chase. (true story) At one point he tried to dump the load of salt on a police car. I told my teenage daughter this and she looked at me with a straight face and said βI guess theyβre going to arrest him for assaulting an officer.β π
Never been prouder of my daughter. π
I was out of breath after two blocks, but the street kept going for miles.
De-calf-inated!
Edit: it's been pointed out some people pronounce calf as cΔlf, so its taking a second. Pronounce it like decaffeinated coffee.
It's pointless.
"...mountains peak!"
The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
I was like where did that come from.
GF: What's that?
BF: Remorse code.
You should check it out, itβs a really good Martian Scoresβeasy film
" I'm just a cactus " , it said. " You have a point there ", I replied.
He was half right
On the other hand i am ok
The vulture said. "Oh this? This is my carrion luggage."
The person who points out the obvious
