Very punny (places pun)
"I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'."
Proud dad moment, this is from my daughter. “Where is a bacteria’s favorite place to sit?”
My friend, Jim, drowned last week. We placed a life jacket on his coffin...
It's what he would have wanted.
My will requires that my ashes be placed in an aerosol can and sprayed around my favorite places.
They’re gonna mist me when I’m gone.
Americans, what are the two places in the house that you are no longer American?
In the bathroom, because then European, and in the hallway on the way to the bathroom because then you’re Russian.
To the person who stole my place in the queue.
What's the best place in the house to hide from ghosts?
Where's the best place in the land to get some new wings?
The people who write instructions for places like IKEA must be in good shape.
Where's the best place to hold an English literacy conference?
After I clicked send on an email that I never should have written in the first place,
I had a horrible syncing feeling.
Missing my dad today. Here’s the “friends in low places” parody he used to sing to us at bathtime.
I take baths in wet places
Where the waters warm
And the soap chases my dirt away
I’m clean today
Now I’m not big on washing faces
Think I’ll slip on down and wash other places
I take baths
In wet places
I told my wife I saw a new yoga place is open, if she wants to try that again.
It turns out it’s open whether she wants to try yoga again or not.
I can't find a place that will do me a proper poached egg
Everywhere I've been so far says they buy their eggs legally
What's the best place to dive into a pool?
A train station is the place where the train stops.
In my office, I have a workstation.
Where is the first place Batman goes every morning?
Why is prison the best place to put on a play?
Because you have a captive audience.
Where is the best place to drown a hipster?
Where is the best place to get a nose piercing?
After you clock in at your job find a place to hide
After all a good employee is hard to find
Pvt. Gump: It'd be nice to visit the place where Robinhood lives someday
Lt. Dan: Sherwood Forrest
Where is the best place to store dad jokes?
How do bears just randomly show up to places?
There's one place in the world that makes the best milk, the best butter, and the best cheese
I want to see a spy movie that takes place on a submarine
They could call it subterfuge
What was the name of the ST:TNG episode where they put the Omnipotent One in his place?
What is a pirates favorite fast place to eat?
My boss told me he broke his ankle in two places
I told him to stay out of those two places
I just went to my parents' place and my mom was upside down...
Someone broke into my place and stole all my fruit...
Why is it better to go to places that doesn't have it posted "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service"?
Cause the other places are always clothed....
What word does one give to people from different backgrounds at the same time it’s a car game you place 1st in ?
The creepy weird guy at the key cutting place didn't charge me
Here's a (-), here's a (/), put those in the first place you think to put them. How politically conscious is that?!
reddit.com/gallery/uibhsb
How did Cap'n Crunch end up winning first place in the Dog Show?
He was a fine-looking wee mariner.
Where's Peter Pan's favourite place to eat out?
National Donut Day is June 3. A lot of places are handing out free donuts, so on Friday I'll be driving around looking for promotional offers.
I'm planning to dedicate the hole day to it.
This is, in fact, a mom joke: my dad just sent an email to our family about National Donut Day, and this is what my 77-year-old mother replied!
Before we were married, my wife used to clean up my place, and i used to clean hers.
Eventually we realized that we were maid for each other.
Someone told me there is a great place in reddit to appreciate lemons
I couldn't find it but I'm sure it's sublime
what do you call a place made from ice cream that is very hot?
What's the best place to avoid death?
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