Yemen was having a war with their neighboring countries
They got nuked, and shouted "Oman!"
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
My neighbors had their ladder stolen last night.
My friend, who is the downstairs neighbors to Dwayne Johnson, doesn't know about the new Godzilla movie
Apparently he'd been living under the rock the whole time.
I just told my neighbor, Mr. Claimer he was ugly, but not to get mad.
I’ve always wanted to tap my neighbors’ maple tree, but he wouldn’t give me permission.
Think I could do it syruptitiously?
My neighbor, Mr. Coffee, came stumbling into the police station this morning.
Apparently, he had been mugged.
My neighbor is a farmer and asked for name suggestions for her new born calf that start with the letter J.
I got into a fight with my Mexican neighbor and he started to make train noises while holding a gun
He said "I'm going to choo choo"
I fell in love with my neighbor across the street.
It didn't work out. It was a lawn distance relationship.
My lesbian neighbors gave me a really cool Rolex watch for my birthday!
I don’t think they understood me when I said, “I wanna watch.”
My neighbor wanted to borrow some spaghetti and asked what they owed me
I said: it'll cost you a pretty penne.
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude.
I personally am on the fence
My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall...
But it was his own dumb asphalt...
I saw one of my neighbors throwing their trash into another neighbor's trashcan
I told him to stop trash passing.
My friend called me and said he lost the million dollar prize because he couldn't think of a neighbor to Saudi Arabia...
Back in 56' my neighbor was arrested for supporting the USSR...
The officials said it was "a big red flag".
I was talking to my neighbor's wife and she told me that her dog had bit her husband, so they had to put him down.
Then she asked if I could take out the trash weekly.
My neighbor just asked what I do with “left over” bacon.
I consider myself a bacon connoisseur but I’ve never heard of that kind before, can anyone help me out on this?
Our neighbor was attacked by mimes yesterday
They did unspeakable things
My neighbor says I’m trespassing. I’m unsure if I am or not.
Saw an old man jumping around and waving his arms to get his neighbor’s attention.
He must’ve been at deaf’s door.
My neighbor just got arrested for illegally growing Marijuana.
Turns out my property line is not as far as I thought it was.
I just spent three hours chasing all the water fowl out of my yard...
Dad : Oh no! Our neighbor died!
Mom : Who, Ray?
Dad : I don't think cheering is appropriate Karen
My elderly neighbor had some landscapers take care of his lawn every weekend for several years. Recently, he hired a new crew, but forgot to fire the old crew. So this weekend they both showed up to mow his lawn, and got into a fight over who should be there.
He had no idea he had started a turf war.
My next door neighbor and I are good friends, so we decided to share our water supply.
When I caught my neighbor attaching a rocket engine to a deer, I immediately reported him to the authorities.
Shame on him for trying to make a quick buck.
I saw my neighbor talking to her cat this morning...
It was clear she thought the cat understood her.
I came inside and told my dog. We had a good laugh about that.
What do you call a paper airplane that can't fly?
I think my Australian neighbor is into philosophy
He keeps saying ''Oi, Kant''
What did a tree say to its annoying neighbor?
My neighbor drones on and on about his notoriously unreliable Swedish sports car...
It seems like a great big Saab story to me.
If Dwayne Johnson had downstairs neighbors, they would be clueless about just about everything.
You would be too if you lived under a Rock.
My pregnant neighbor was really nervous when the woman who was to assist her in labor was stuck in traffic.
She was having a midwife crisis.
My neighbor got hit by a rental car.
My neighbor is an epileptic midget who really loves pizza.
Seems like everyday he’s having little seizures.
The other day I was on the dock talking to two of my neighbors… One of them had a cooler full of beers and snacks… Pulling out a beer pops the top and opening a bag of chips, he says “My wife’s an angel
I said, “you’re lucky – mine is still alive…”
My neighbor is playing very loud music
I got hired to paint someone’s home.
I charged for the labor but not the paint. The homeowner said, “why didn’t you charge for the paint?” I said, “don’t worry about the paint. It’s on the house.”
My neighbors always play Lionel Richie very loudly and usually I don't mind.....
But yesterday it was All Night Long
The police were not convinced that my neighbor had hidden plastic explosives in his basement, so I told them...
How does Yo-Yo Ma greet his neighbors in the morning?
Chello!
Alternatively:
What is Yo-Yo Ma's favorite dairy dessert?
Chello pudding!
My neighbor planted dogwood trees in his front yard
I’m not a huge fan of the bark
I was excavating a large hole in my backyard in order to build an underground office. My neighbor wasn't too happy with the noise and wanted to come and see what all the commotion was about.
I told him to just leave me alone. After all, I'm just mining my own business.
My neighbor asked why i bought a new lawn mower...
..Told him that my old one just wasnting cutting it.
(Neighbor approved)
Did you hear about the neighbors floor made out of 10,000 pennies?
Looks like a hundred bucks!
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
