Napoleon I Puns

Corsican!

Because you pull the Bonaparte.

-Corsican!

Napoleon Blown Apart.

Napoleon Blown-Apart

Because we are just a Bonaparte.

That is why they call him napoleon boney parts.

Napoleon Blown-Apart!!!

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, “Constipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said “No, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.

My friend told me, “People who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, “Yeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. “Taken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem

Napoleon really ripped his Bonaparte

Bromberg later became part of the Kingdom of Prussia, changed hands a few more times (including a short period of Napoleonic rule), before it finally became Polish again after World War I. The Polish government reinstated the old name of the city, deciding to let Bydgoszcz be Bydgoszcz.

Napoleon Blownapart

A Napoleon.

Napoleon Bone-apart.

A Napoleon, blown apart.

I actually got my dad with this one, and I was so proud.

I was getting ready to head back home after visiting my folks for Thanksgiving. My mom is, of course, insisting that I take insane amounts of leftovers home. My dad pulls out what's left of the turkey.

Dad (rube): "All we've got left are the legs and wings. Are you sure you want those?"

Me (smart): "Of course! You know I like the Napoleon pieces."

Dad: "The what?"

Me: "The Napoleon pieces."

Dad: "........."

Me: "The bony parts."

They couldn't wait for me to leave.

So a little backstory, my parents take the dog for a walk every night. My mom is in college (lol napoleon dynamite) and she takes a marine biology class.

So they were on one of those walks last night, and they were talking about ants. My mom's question was whether or not ants sleep. My dad replies saying, "Why are you asking me? You're the one in a biology class." To which she replied, "I'm in a marine biology class, I don't think there are any marine ants."

Without skipping a beat, my dad came up with the most incredible response...

"Why can't there be marine ants? We already have army ants."

I was using a ruler earlier in the day because I had to measure and cut something to very specific dimensions. It was a really tiny 6-inch ruler. A few hours later I was looking for it but couldn't find it at all and was starting to get pissed.

Me: Where the hell did it go? I had it two hours ago!

Mom: What are you looking for?

Me (shouting): the tiny little ruler!

From the other side of the house, my dad shouted: "Napoleon?"

I do iPhone repairs, and I was working on my dad's phone while talking to my friend:

"It'd be awesome to have a customer named Napoleon." "Why?" "Because then I could take Napoleon's phone apart."