My son has recently taken up an interest in music. We're constantly going back and forth trying to stump the other with trivia. He thought he had me when he chorused, "Hey, dad, what genre are national anthems?!" I laughed, "That's easy!"
My wife was making gravy for dinner, and she added some corn starch, but it got too thick. To thin it out she added some water, but then it was too thin again. It went back and forth a few times before I said...
Ahh. I get it. It’s a viscous cycle.
I have a very well groomed garden ornament that perpetually rocks back and forth in perfect rhythm
And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.”
But John came fifth - and won a toaster.
Jesus told Peter, "Come forth and ye shall have eternal life"
But Peter came fifth and won a toaster
I teach elementary special Ed, and my co-teacher and I joke back and forth all day. This is our most recent best.
Co-teacher: "Students name" came in and said he lost his throat.
Me: Oh no! Did he check where he last remembered having it?
Co-teacher: He couldn't say.
The local bartender moved his pub to the summit of a mountain and the quality of his drinks improved
He really raised the bar on that one
The two men stared intensely at each other over the chessboard, neither one making a move. Suddenly, one of the men gasped in horror and shouted, "How is this possible? You must be taught by the Soviets!"
The other smirked and replied, "Czech, mate."
Got drunk yesterday and puked in the elevator on my way back home.
It was disgusting on so many levels.
You do know that modern appliances are really spying on us, and sending back data on our habits. In fact..
Vacuum cleaners have been gathering dirt on us for years.
Sibling humor, the backs of two ocean-themed quilts for my baby bro's new son and daughter.
So I found this talking train and asked it why it just went back and forth on the same tracks for its whole life. It responded saying “the voices in my head tell me to”.
Back and forth with my 9 year old.
Me- Archer, did you have a cookie?
A- no
Me- grab a cookie and name it yours.
A- I take this cookie and name it Yours.
(A couple seconds go by. )
A- papa?
Me- yeah bud.
A- I gave my cookie a name. I can’t eat it... can I have another? (Failed winking)
I recently moved and my dad is visiting for the first time.
We were driving around town and I was pointing out to him all the happening spots when he casually said, "looks pretty dead in here."
I look over to see him gesturing towards the local graveyard...
And Jesus said "come forth and win the kingdom of heaven!"
But I came 5th and won a teapot.
My DJ Friend helped me pack my stuff and move.
I told him he's a sound guy.
I offered to carpool with the security guy this week but I totally forgot to pick him up this morning. When he got to work later her was furious and punched me in the back of the head.
It’s my own fault, I’ll never let my guard down again.
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve.
It was an Apple with limited memory; just one byte. Then, everything crashed.
A man walks into a fishmonger with a trout flopping back and forth under his arm and asks "Do you do fishcakes?"
Pointing at the fish, "Cos it's his birthday."
My Dad got the milk out of the fridge and starting waving it back and forth in front of my face...
Dad: What's that?
Me: I don't know
Dad: It's past-your-eyes milk
Me: Groans
Our doorbell rang and my son called to me, "Dad, there's a salesman here with a mustache!" I yelled back...
"Tell him I've already got one!"
I was interrogating a crab the other day and I asked it “What’s your name? Where do you live? What’s that on your back?”
My dad and I will say this back and forth to each other almost one a week when I’m home, mainly because it’s hilarious seeing my mom confused.
Me: something shitty that happened
Dad: “well, if it makes you feel any better...”
Me: “thanks, Dad”
Mom: “but he didn’t say anything!”
My wife laughed, "The lottery is a tax on fools who can't do math!" I shrugged and said, "You never know! Anybody can win the lottery." Folding her arms, she asked, "Do you even know the chances of a person winning the lottery?" I shot back, "Yes!! 100%!!"
What do you call an old, grumpy Avatar that comes back and ruins the economy every time you send him away?
I hadn’t used my main in around a year but had a reason to burro back in my post history... I had forgotten about this, and I don’t mean to brag but this is the single greatest post I’ve ever made on reddit.
Recently moved to a new place and position for my job. Boss on the first day said "Hey Paul glad you made it, how you liking your new office?"
I said "I think you forgot my name, but I'm a Justin Well, thanks."
While I was gardening a potato was watching me and criticizing my every move. He thought he was big stuff.
But I think he was just a commontater
What happens when you die and come back as a cowboy?
I said to my therapist that I feel a little paranoid with Back Street Boys, and he said...
Just had this back and forth with my co-worker. Her husband works in explosives.
Me: seems appropriate for you and yours: http://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/32gzy7/what_was_the_secret_to_the_miners_success/
Her: That’s a dynamite answer!
Me: I noticed the explosion of laughter over there
Her: Rock on!
Me: gold-standard of jokes here
Her: so precious
Me: digging deep on that one
Her: pickin away one at a time
Me: we have definitely hit the pay dirt of mining puns
Her: definite Honey Hole here!
Me: not sure that joke bee-longs here
Her: you are a total BUZZZZZZ kill
Me: comb on it wasn’t that bad
2000’s kids are generation Z and 80’s-90’s kids are generation Y, if we keep going back we get to generation U.
If you have wine from that time is it genuine?
(On The Spot Joke) My Partner was in bed cracking her back and asked.....
“Hey can you hear my back crack”
I replied “yea can you hear my ass crack” then proceeded with the filthiest fart known to man
Absolute crack up. Hahahahahah even she laughed
Told the doctor that I have this eel that keeps bursting out of my back and crying.
He prescribed me some anti-BackTearyEel lotion to take care of it.
My wife is angry. Last night for my anniversary, I left the kids, snuck out with my ex-girlfriend, and we hooked up in the back seat like we used to.
She hates when I call her that.
Stan Lee says go forth and fill the void
i went to the chiropractor with back pain, i didn't think it was that bad. he looked at me and said i have scoliosis, and he fixed me!
I asked some clams to help me move but all they wanted to do was sit there and breathe seawater.
I told them they were just being shellfish.
Jesus said unto John. Come forth and receive eternal life.
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
And god said to John “come forth and ye shall receive eternal life.”
But John came in fifth and only got a toaster.
And god said to John, come forth and receive eternal life
But he cane fifth and won a toaster
...and God said "come forth and I will grant you eternal life."
But I came fifth and just got a toaster.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
