Mother Day Puns

Out of the blue she said: "I have decided that I want to be cremated." I said: "Alright, grab your coat."

He told her “ just eat the vegetables then”.

“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “We’re sick of each other and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”

The son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like heck they’re getting divorced!”she shouts, “I’ll take care of this!”

She calls Ireland immediately, and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Sorted! They’re coming for Christmas – and they’re paying their own way"

“Darling, we are raisin him right.”

But as she approached the church doors, an usher asked, “Which side are you on?”

“Oh, no,” she said. “Are they fighting already?”

“thank you for your cervix.”

Apparently they were being shellfish.

I forgot to send it but I think she knows it’s true.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mothers!

Mom wanted to get involved too but he said her place was at home with us kids

Sometimes her timing isn't great, but she memes well.

I said “thanks for having me.”

I saw a bird eat a bee and never asked again!

‘Cos she’s worth it.

I said, “Remember, it’s also son day.”

So the hardest part is it has to be uplifting/cute like all the other mothers day cards, can't just be a simple jail/robber pun.

So far I got:

You're ex-cell-ent mom!

I'd break into a maximom security prison for you!

Hope your mothers day is on point! (with a diagram of a shank)

^((But they're kind of trash))

Ideas from others:

Most people have a mother-in-law but I get to have a mother-outlaw! u/tcbst15

We had ordered mussels and were destroying them. We couldn't stop talking about how great they were.

Dad: "god damn I've had some good mussels in my life but these are amazing. I've got to remember to come here again."

Me: "Make sure to eat as many as you can."

Dad: "Why's that?"

Me, giggling: "Mussel memory."

groans from everyone

But Son day happens once every week

Mama said there’d be gays like this!

Happy Pride Month, y’all. :D

stay-up mother.

Dad : Don’t forget it’s son day too.