Courtesy of my wife: whatβs the bear minimum?
π︎ 12
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︎ Dec 20 2020
Whats the opposite of minimum?
π︎ 261
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︎ May 15 2020
My minimum wage job just started making us take lie detector tests.
Itβs not much, but itβs an honest living.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 15 2020
My doctor thanked me for submitting the minimum amount of feces for my stool sample
I told him it was the least I could doo
π︎ 13
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︎ Jul 22 2020
What do you call it when Apple forces children in China to work for minimum wage?
π︎ 3
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︎ Jul 21 2020
- What is the opposite of Minimum ? - Minidad
π︎ 7
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︎ May 05 2019
What's the bare minimum?
π︎ 14
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︎ Jul 05 2019
I hope my friends know that for every horrible pun I inflict on them there's a minimum of 8 I decided to keep to myself.
They should be greightful.
π︎ 11
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︎ Jan 29 2019
I put in the minimum amount of energy possible coming up with this pun
π︎ 7
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︎ Aug 30 2018
I thought that everyone got paid at least minimum wage, but then I only received $0.20 for working all day.
It was a real pair of dimes shift for me.
π︎ 2
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︎ Jan 14 2019
What do you call the minimum amount of potatoes for Sunday dinner?
π︎ 4
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︎ Mar 14 2017
Every winter since I can remember, this has been said a minimum of once a week. My Dad's Ode to a Cold...
When your nose is runny
Some people think it's funny
But it'snot
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 20 2013
The genie asked, "Whatβs your first wish?" Steve replied, "I wish I was rich!" The genie nodded and said, "Whatβs your second wish?"
Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"
π︎ 17k
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︎ Dec 22 2020
My mother is much smaller than me. I'm not sure how tall she is...
...But I know she's the minimum height.
π︎ 8
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︎ Dec 23 2020
What do you call the Mini-Me of your mother?
π︎ 8
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︎ Jan 04 2021
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
π︎ 155
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︎ Aug 09 2020
Why do I care that my sonβs phone was at 18%?
Cause it was the minimum age of percent.
π︎ 9
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︎ Jul 31 2020
I was just voted βLeast Likely to Succeedβ by my graduating class.
π︎ 8k
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︎ Oct 20 2018
Whatβs Forrest Gumps password?
π︎ 319
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︎ Apr 13 2019
A short essay on the benefits of beating the shit out of each other β A satirical essay based on a single, overplayed pun
In my opinion we should beat the shit out of constipated people because:
-
Laxatives are an unhealthy way of dealing with feces. On the other hand, beating the shit out of someone is a good way to practice sports activities like, running, grip strength, punching techniques etc.
-
Other methods of dealing with feces take alot of money. Laxatives aren't cheap in our flawed healthcare system! On the other hand, there are people that are willing to pay you to beat the shit out of you. By using this method you can become richer and deal with your shitty problems.
-
Constipation requires being in the bathroom for a long time. This can be very lonely for the people involved. However, beating the shit out of others can be done in any place. Your home, the local park, or even the shady street corner! Not only that it's a very social activity, requiring a minimum of at least 2 people, but usually done in groups of 2-5 people.
Although some people might say, that beating the shit out of each other is violent, most of them have never been to a public toilet and hence are unable to realize how much more painful and violent the alternative is.
In summery, beating the shit out of people is a good, legitimate, and affordable alternative to laxatives and is a better, more progressive way, to deal with constipation.
π︎ 5
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︎ Mar 09 2020
Why was the wizard's girlfriend always covered in hickeys?
because he's a neck romancer.
π︎ 4k
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︎ Jun 11 2016
China has a policy where a certain ammount of Pandas must live in the country.
To be fair, it's the bear minimum
π︎ 10
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︎ May 19 2019
My mom is a short British woman
I guess you could say....she is a minimum
π︎ 20
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︎ Oct 10 2018
There is some important criteria for an animal to be classified as a grizzly...
if all of it applies to the animal, it fulfills the bear minimum
π︎ 10
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︎ Oct 29 2018
A quick guide to being grounded
Dad: What is the opposite if maximum
Son: Minimum?
Dad: No, it's minidad! Stares with a huge smile on the face
Son: ...
Dad: ...
Son: ...
Dad: Olay go to your room, you're grounded!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 13 2019
What's the slowest a bear can run?
The bear minimum speed is 25 mph?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 29 2018
War, huh, yeah. What is it good for?
A minimum of 6 points in Scrabble.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 10 2018
Need customer service puns
I'm looking for anything pun wise or clever in the area of customer service. Like "Minimum Rage" but something else.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Feb 09 2017
100 Paw-sitively Meow-nificent Cat Purr-ns Fur Mew to Use Whenev-fur Mew Need
- Allow => A-meow
- Apology => A-paw-logy
- Appalling => A-paw-ling
- Attitude => Cat-titude
- Awesome => Paw-some / Claw-some
- Awful => Claw-ful / Paw-ful
- Because => Be-claws
- Before => Be-fur
- Bother => Bo-fur
- Catastrophe => Cat-astrophe
- Catastrophic => Cat-astrophic
- Catch => Cat-ch
- Clever => Claw-ver
- Confusing => Con-fur-sing
- Congratulations => Con-cat-ulations
- Different => Dif-fur-rent
- Disappearance => Disa-purr-ance
- Familiar => Fur-miliar
- Feeling => Feline
- For => Fur
- For real => Fur real
- Forever => Fur-ever
- Forget => Fur-get
- Fortunate => Fur-tunate
- Forward => Fur-ward
- Friend => Fur-end
- Furious => Fur-ious
- Further => Fur-ther
- Get or Got => Cat
- Help me out => Help meow-t
- History => Hiss-tory
- Hysterical => Hiss-terical
- Inferior => In-fur-ior
- Kidding me => Kitten me
- Konnichiwa => Konnichi-paw
- Literally => Litter-ally
- Literature => Litter-a-ture
- Lost => Claw-st
- Lying => Lion
- Magnificent => Meow-nificent
- Marvellous => Meow-velous
- Minimum => Mew-nimum
- Misery => Mew-sery
- Moment => Mew-ment
- Mountain => Meow-ntain
- Move => Mew-v
- Music => Mew-sic
- Musician => Meow-sician
- Never => Nev-fur
- New => Mew
- Now => Meow
- Over => Ov-fur
- Paper => Pay-purr
- Pardon me => Paw-don me
- Pause => Paws
- Perfect => Purr-fect
- Perhaps => Purr-haps
- Permission => Purr-mission
- Person => Purr-son
- Personal => Purr-sonal
- Persuasion => Purr-suasion
- Places => Purr-laces
- Please => Paw-lease
- Portable => Paw-table
- Positive => Paw-sitive
- Possibility => Paw-sibility
- Possibly => Paw-sibly
- Precious => Purr-ecious
- Prefer => Paw-fer
- Preposterous => Pre-paw-sterous
- Pretty => Purr-ty
- Priceless => Purr-iceless
- Prince => Purr-ince
- Princess => Purr-incess
- Puns => Purr-ns
- Purpose => Purr-pose
- Referring => Re-fur-ing
- Respond => Res-paw-nd
- Simple => Sim-paw-le
- Suffer => Suf-fur
- Superior => Su-purr-ior
- Tale => Tail
- Talent => Tail-ent
- Tell => Tail
- Thatβs all => Catβs all
- Unfortunate => Un-fur-tunate
- Very => Furry
- Whenever => Whene-fur
- Wonderful => Won-fur-ful
- You => Mew
- Apologize => A-paw-logize
- First => Furr-st
- How are you? => Meow are mew?
- Morning => Meowrning
- Phon
...
keep reading on reddit β‘
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 01 2017
Why did the Libertarian join the nudist colony?
Their slogan: "Don't thread on me"
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 16 2015
What do you call a smaller version of a British mother?
A minimum.
*Applies to Aus, NZ, and Canada too. Basically if you're not from the US and live in an English speaking country.
π︎ 56
π
︎ Nov 07 2014
What do you call a short mom in London?
π︎ 2
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︎ Mar 14 2018
It's 'family field trip' day at a small Wisconsin school...
Some of the kids attending are:
Sally Buckteeth and her family of farmers,
Larry the Lefty and his fam of circus freaks,
And Johnny no-feet and his family of midgets.
They were all excited for their tour of the dairy farm, and the CEO himself stood up to speak: "OK, everyone, a few ground rules: due to the industrial nature of the farm, mandatory steel-toed boots and a minimum height requirement are in effect."
The assistant pipes up- "Sir, one of the kids can't attend the trip!"
CEO- "Oh no, which one?"
The assistant replied, " Little Johnny, the one that lacks toes and taller aunts."
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 12 2017
How many puns did the baby cub say today?
Cubs cant speak English, so it must of been a bear-minimum.
π︎ 2
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︎ Nov 06 2015
What is the bear minimum?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Sep 28 2020
What's the bear minimum?
π︎ 12
π
︎ Feb 16 2020
What is the opposite of minimum?
π︎ 127
π
︎ Mar 14 2019
What's the bear minimum?
π︎ 19
π
︎ Jul 23 2019
What's the bare minimum?
π︎ 25
π
︎ Apr 06 2017
What do you call a midgets mother?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Nov 06 2020
What do you call a small mum?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Sep 26 2020
What do you call a small mom
π︎ 35
π
︎ Jun 25 2020
What do you call a small mother ?
π︎ 131
π
︎ Jan 17 2020
What do you call a small mother?
π︎ 6k
π
︎ May 25 2018
What do you call the shortest mother?
π︎ 683
π
︎ Jul 06 2018
TIL China has a policy where a certain ammount of Pandas must live in the country.
To be fair, it's the bear minimum.
π︎ 35
π
︎ May 18 2018
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