Courtesy of my wife: what’s the bear minimum?

One bear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andremamola810
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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Whats the opposite of minimum?

maxidad

πŸ‘︎ 261
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlovenianGregor
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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My minimum wage job just started making us take lie detector tests.

It’s not much, but it’s an honest living.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uamejamie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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My doctor thanked me for submitting the minimum amount of feces for my stool sample

I told him it was the least I could doo

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unclerudy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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What do you call it when Apple forces children in China to work for minimum wage?

iMoral

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zak-Ive-Reddit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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- What is the opposite of Minimum ? - Minidad

im sorry

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VenderHead
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
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What's the bare minimum?

1 Bear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/psyman666
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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I hope my friends know that for every horrible pun I inflict on them there's a minimum of 8 I decided to keep to myself.

They should be greightful.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blackcatjazz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
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I put in the minimum amount of energy possible coming up with this pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/steve_ideas
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
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I thought that everyone got paid at least minimum wage, but then I only received $0.20 for working all day.

It was a real pair of dimes shift for me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DCJ3
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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What do you call the minimum amount of potatoes for Sunday dinner?

A critical mash.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/electropriest
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2017
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Every winter since I can remember, this has been said a minimum of once a week. My Dad's Ode to a Cold...

When your nose is runny

Some people think it's funny

But it'snot

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTrueRory
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2013
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The genie asked, "What’s your first wish?" Steve replied, "I wish I was rich!" The genie nodded and said, "What’s your second wish?"

Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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My mother is much smaller than me. I'm not sure how tall she is...

...But I know she's the minimum height.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lohin123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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What do you call the Mini-Me of your mother?

Minimum

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Albus_Veritas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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What do you call a small mother in the UK?

Minimum

πŸ‘︎ 155
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xace49
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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Why do I care that my son’s phone was at 18%?

Cause it was the minimum age of percent.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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I was just voted β€œLeast Likely to Succeed” by my graduating class.

I hate being a teacher.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
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What’s Forrest Gumps password?

1forrest1

πŸ‘︎ 319
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A1if
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
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A short essay on the benefits of beating the shit out of each other β€” A satirical essay based on a single, overplayed pun

In my opinion we should beat the shit out of constipated people because:

  1. Laxatives are an unhealthy way of dealing with feces. On the other hand, beating the shit out of someone is a good way to practice sports activities like, running, grip strength, punching techniques etc.

  2. Other methods of dealing with feces take alot of money. Laxatives aren't cheap in our flawed healthcare system! On the other hand, there are people that are willing to pay you to beat the shit out of you. By using this method you can become richer and deal with your shitty problems.

  3. Constipation requires being in the bathroom for a long time. This can be very lonely for the people involved. However, beating the shit out of others can be done in any place. Your home, the local park, or even the shady street corner! Not only that it's a very social activity, requiring a minimum of at least 2 people, but usually done in groups of 2-5 people.

Although some people might say, that beating the shit out of each other is violent, most of them have never been to a public toilet and hence are unable to realize how much more painful and violent the alternative is.

In summery, beating the shit out of people is a good, legitimate, and affordable alternative to laxatives and is a better, more progressive way, to deal with constipation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/a5paperblank
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2020
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Why was the wizard's girlfriend always covered in hickeys?

because he's a neck romancer.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the-derpinator
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2016
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China has a policy where a certain ammount of Pandas must live in the country.

To be fair, it's the bear minimum

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Northwestern253
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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My mom is a short British woman

I guess you could say....she is a minimum

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheXypris
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
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There is some important criteria for an animal to be classified as a grizzly...

if all of it applies to the animal, it fulfills the bear minimum

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Marcoyolofrimig
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2018
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A quick guide to being grounded

Dad: What is the opposite if maximum

Son: Minimum?

Dad: No, it's minidad! Stares with a huge smile on the face

Son: ...

Dad: ...

Son: ...

Dad: Olay go to your room, you're grounded!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OMEN786
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
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What's the slowest a bear can run?

The bear minimum speed is 25 mph?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NaruNerd100
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2018
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War, huh, yeah. What is it good for?

A minimum of 6 points in Scrabble.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Badgerstarter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Need customer service puns

I'm looking for anything pun wise or clever in the area of customer service. Like "Minimum Rage" but something else.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/isaakwells
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2017
🚨︎ report
100 Paw-sitively Meow-nificent Cat Purr-ns Fur Mew to Use Whenev-fur Mew Need
  • Allow => A-meow
  • Apology => A-paw-logy
  • Appalling => A-paw-ling
  • Attitude => Cat-titude
  • Awesome => Paw-some / Claw-some
  • Awful => Claw-ful / Paw-ful
  • Because => Be-claws
  • Before => Be-fur
  • Bother => Bo-fur
  • Catastrophe => Cat-astrophe
  • Catastrophic => Cat-astrophic
  • Catch => Cat-ch
  • Clever => Claw-ver
  • Confusing => Con-fur-sing
  • Congratulations => Con-cat-ulations
  • Different => Dif-fur-rent
  • Disappearance => Disa-purr-ance
  • Familiar => Fur-miliar
  • Feeling => Feline
  • For => Fur
  • For real => Fur real
  • Forever => Fur-ever
  • Forget => Fur-get
  • Fortunate => Fur-tunate
  • Forward => Fur-ward
  • Friend => Fur-end
  • Furious => Fur-ious
  • Further => Fur-ther
  • Get or Got => Cat
  • Help me out => Help meow-t
  • History => Hiss-tory
  • Hysterical => Hiss-terical
  • Inferior => In-fur-ior
  • Kidding me => Kitten me
  • Konnichiwa => Konnichi-paw
  • Literally => Litter-ally
  • Literature => Litter-a-ture
  • Lost => Claw-st
  • Lying => Lion
  • Magnificent => Meow-nificent
  • Marvellous => Meow-velous
  • Minimum => Mew-nimum
  • Misery => Mew-sery
  • Moment => Mew-ment
  • Mountain => Meow-ntain
  • Move => Mew-v
  • Music => Mew-sic
  • Musician => Meow-sician
  • Never => Nev-fur
  • New => Mew
  • Now => Meow
  • Over => Ov-fur
  • Paper => Pay-purr
  • Pardon me => Paw-don me
  • Pause => Paws
  • Perfect => Purr-fect
  • Perhaps => Purr-haps
  • Permission => Purr-mission
  • Person => Purr-son
  • Personal => Purr-sonal
  • Persuasion => Purr-suasion
  • Places => Purr-laces
  • Please => Paw-lease
  • Portable => Paw-table
  • Positive => Paw-sitive
  • Possibility => Paw-sibility
  • Possibly => Paw-sibly
  • Precious => Purr-ecious
  • Prefer => Paw-fer
  • Preposterous => Pre-paw-sterous
  • Pretty => Purr-ty
  • Priceless => Purr-iceless
  • Prince => Purr-ince
  • Princess => Purr-incess
  • Puns => Purr-ns
  • Purpose => Purr-pose
  • Referring => Re-fur-ing
  • Respond => Res-paw-nd
  • Simple => Sim-paw-le
  • Suffer => Suf-fur
  • Superior => Su-purr-ior
  • Tale => Tail
  • Talent => Tail-ent
  • Tell => Tail
  • That’s all => Cat’s all
  • Unfortunate => Un-fur-tunate
  • Very => Furry
  • Whenever => Whene-fur
  • Wonderful => Won-fur-ful
  • You => Mew
  • Apologize => A-paw-logize
  • First => Furr-st
  • How are you? => Meow are mew?
  • Morning => Meowrning
  • Phon
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eyl327
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2017
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Why did the Libertarian join the nudist colony?

Their slogan: "Don't thread on me"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MattTheProgrammer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2015
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What do you call a smaller version of a British mother?

A minimum.

*Applies to Aus, NZ, and Canada too. Basically if you're not from the US and live in an English speaking country.

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2014
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What do you call a short mom in London?

A MiniMum

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ohmskillet
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2018
🚨︎ report
It's 'family field trip' day at a small Wisconsin school...

Some of the kids attending are:

Sally Buckteeth and her family of farmers,
Larry the Lefty and his fam of circus freaks,
And Johnny no-feet and his family of midgets.
They were all excited for their tour of the dairy farm, and the CEO himself stood up to speak: "OK, everyone, a few ground rules: due to the industrial nature of the farm, mandatory steel-toed boots and a minimum height requirement are in effect."
The assistant pipes up- "Sir, one of the kids can't attend the trip!"
CEO- "Oh no, which one?"

The assistant replied, " Little Johnny, the one that lacks toes and taller aunts."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StretchSmiley
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2017
🚨︎ report
How many puns did the baby cub say today?

Cubs cant speak English, so it must of been a bear-minimum.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Solsius
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2015
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What is the bear minimum?

One bear

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dipdipbeantot
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the bear minimum?

One bear

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnanon91
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the opposite of minimum?

minidad

πŸ‘︎ 127
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stidza
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the bear minimum?

One bear

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dopebox81
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the bare minimum?

1 bear

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordBaconGod
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a midgets mother?

Minimum.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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What do you call a small mum?

Minimum

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Storm-Trick
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a small mom

Minimum

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/21tacion
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a small mother ?

A minimum

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a small mother?

A minimum

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Kfrey
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call the shortest mother?

The minimum

πŸ‘︎ 683
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoaneMentionIt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2018
🚨︎ report
TIL China has a policy where a certain ammount of Pandas must live in the country.

To be fair, it's the bear minimum.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_Malgus
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2018
🚨︎ report

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