A hypnotist once convinced me that I was a soft malleable metal with the atomic number of 82.

I am easily lead.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Two cats are on a metal roof. Which one slides off first?

The one with the lowest ΞΌ

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
🚨︎ report
What makes music heavy metal?

A lead singer.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Adjective for metal is metallic

But not so for iron which is ironic

πŸ‘︎ 174
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aryanpixel
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
How did the orchestra attract heavy metal fans?

With a super conductor.

πŸ‘︎ 108
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stage_directions
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the metal shipment that was late?

It was steel to come.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/borna761
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I listen to every type of music except heavy metal

Because heavy metals are toxic.

(I -22f- have created this joke when i was 15, I was waiting for an opportunity to disgust people with it. So here you go reddit lol)

πŸ‘︎ 206
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a bunch of metal pipes inside of me after my lung transplant.

Guess they got the wrong organ donor.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/majestic_walrus1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a vacation and metal earplugs?

One is o-cation-al and the other is quiet off tin.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shay9999
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?

Sleigh-er.

πŸ‘︎ 166
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to get small shocks every time I touched metal objects, but I don't anymore.

I'm just ex-static.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I like to listen to music as I fall asleep, so I tuned the radio to the Metal station

I've always been a heavy sleeper.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TarakZair
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease

We're called "Gluten for Punishment."

Our first single is "Bread or Alive."

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scrranger11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do fairies burn when in contact with metal?

They're alloy-gic!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrFillywonk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
🚨︎ report
I’ve got a device consisting of a circular canopy of pink fish on a folding metal frame supported by a central rod, used as protection against rain.

Now I have salmonella.

(I’m sorry, it’s a fishy joke)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eriknobeats
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Metal Fan
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SalsaLoseSix
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of net catches metal?

A magnet.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/watercolorfiddle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I joined to pieces of metal today without nuts and bolts or welding

The whole process was riveting

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mitalily
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
In Yosemite, I once found a chunk of metal that was more dense in the center of it.

Hard core park ore

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LifeIsDuff
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
My favorite part of the morning is the sound of pouring coffee into my metal thermos

It’s the little tings in life, ya know?

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cold_Shogun
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the metal like the magnet?

Because it was attractive

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/charcolanga
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
2 metal workers got married....

It was a beautiful welding.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
i am deaf on both ears after working at the metal factory

I guess heavy metal is not good for my ears

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
A huge metal fan
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EpicBro16
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Studying Chemistry at the moment, I just learned that Sulphuric acid should never be left in a metal beaker..

..It's an oxidant waiting to happen.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, /r/Jokes/comments/jzi22z/…
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheEdgeOfDawn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
All day I drill holes in metal and bolt them together

At first it’s boring and then it’s Riveting!

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAvacadoBandit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.

Turns out...it was a safe purchase.

πŸ‘︎ 114
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Metal fan
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Blitzcrig
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My uncle's friend won the Olympic gold with an epee made from a disposable thin metal sheet often used in cooking...

It was a good aluminum foil

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you know all woodpeckers love heavy metal music?

Because they’re all head bangers. (Credit to my 11 year old).

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IsaacPickle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Harry Houdini was allergic to the metal they used to make handcuffs...

Every time they put a pair on him, he'd break out.

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Somethinggood4
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
All day I drill holes in metal and bolt them together. /r/Jokes/comments/j6b0uc/…
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alasimhere
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Hi a huge metal fan, I'm dad
πŸ‘︎ 104
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cyclone9175
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I ordered some big metal letters.

I wanted to make a sign that said "YOU & ME". So, I ordered some big metal letters.

When they arrived, the box was very damaged. I checked if everything was there, but the iron E was lost on me.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Work pun regarding a dewar (large metal tank used for liquid nitrogen)
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Timmy12er
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
The Three States of Metal Gear.
πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DEMSH00T3R
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What have you got to add to metal to get heavy metal?

lica

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...

It was jarring!!!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Farhan_Hyder
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Huge metal fan!
πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lgm225
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Mike Tyson gifted little metal cups to his friends...

When they asked what it meant, he said it was a thimble of friendship!

πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CryptoReaper5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Rusted Metal!
πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/strychinine
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m not into Metal Bands....

...just into Rubber Bands!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ithinkhisnameis
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Trash metal, anyone?
πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punderants
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What's Santa's favourite metal band?

Sleigher.

πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
The corresponding adjective for "metal" is "metallic"

But that's not the case for "iron", which is ironic.

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Silvermech_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report

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